Chapter 73 Depression

• The worry that Ryan had been feeling since Christmas day intensified as the days passed and the New Year approached. If not that he had the twins to look after now, he would have turned to the only way he dealt with stressful and painful situations … which was drinking himself into a stupor. However, he had the twins to think about now, and could not afford to be near them perpetually drunk. It said a lot about the type of person that he had become, and he realized that it wasn’t only Angela who had grown, but also him.
• However, he began to have sleepless and restless nights, no matter how hard he tried to exercise so that he could be tired enough to sleep. The only thing that consumed his mind was the fear of losing the kids to their grandparents. If he was being truthful to himself, that wasn’t the only thing troubling him. As much as he did not like to think of her, thoughts of Becca came unbidden into his mind, and he caught himself wondering how she was faring and if she ever thought about him. Even though she had betrayed him, he still wished her well and hoped that she was doing great, even though he never heard from her and didn’t know where on earth she was.
• He had been sending her money every month since they got divorced, but she never acknowledged it. He didn’t know if it was that she didn’t see the money because as far as he could see, the account in which he had deposited the money remained untouched, and so did the money that he had paid her to set her up for a while after the divorce. The same thing happened with the money he deposited into the account monthly, but he didn't care. It felt weird to think that he would not be spending New Year’s without her, even though she had been gone for more than nine months. That was getting close to a year, for chrissakes, but in his defense, it was the first Christmas and new year’s holiday that he was going to spend away from her since they had gotten married, not that they had spent lots of years married.