Chapter 68

• Mentally, as I wore on over the following days, I became numb, and my will to run far from the mountain died a death. I was going primarily to outrun him and what he had to do. To try not to let it get to me, to distance myself from the pain and leave him to walk his path without me. And yet the Fates delivered a blow that almost stopped me in my tracks completely, killing my will to find my future at all. They left me with the heavy sadness that consumes everything and won’t lift. There’s nothing to run from anymore. It’s done. He did it.
• I’m just going through the motions now, without really engaging any kind of effort under this black cloud, my new constant companion. I walk, find something to hunt and eat; I wash in rivers; I find shelter, and sporadically sleep through the dark.
• The noises, the movement of nature, should bring me peace as a natural wolf, but it serves to remind me how very alone I am and that wolves are pack animals. We don’t thrive alone, and it’s wearing me down slowly. I can’t seem to ever really get any clear sign of where I belong in life or what I’m supposed to do. Just that discarded, worthless kid who wasn’t good enough to be mated, even when the Fates imprinted me on someone. What hope is there for me?