Chapter 304

• I land in Chicago in the middle of the night, and the hired driver takes me to West Englewood. Although the roads are busy with traffic, the neighborhood seems almost deserted. The streets are poorly lit, but that doesn’t conceal the grubbiness or dereliction of the area from view. The aura of poverty and hardship is reflected in the brown buildings and scruffy stores, and I get that old ripple of trepidation and uneasiness moving through me. That weight of emptiness I used to feel at being here returns with a vengeance.
• I’m to meet Sophie at my old home, the apartment my mother has lived in since she brought me home from the hospital when I was born. My mother is stable in St Bernard Hospital, but I won’t be able to see her until morning to assess how much damage has been done.
• I’m still numb with a tinge of anger even thinking about her. I know this isn’t natural; she’s my mother. I should feel concern, devastation, and worry even, but I don’t. I’m cold and empty and upset. I’m enraged at her that she keeps following the same path in life, over and over. She’s my mother, yet all I ever learned from her was that the people who are supposed to be there for you, above everyone else, only have their own interests at heart.