Chapter 370

• For the rest of the afternoon, I help Sarah clean the apartment in companionable silence; we’ve talked ourselves out, and there’s nothing more to say. I have so much to process on my own.
• She keeps catching my eye and shaking her head at me in awe. I don’t think she can accept that this is how I am now, as though she keeps waiting for the old Emma to jump out, be in emotionless and commanding mode again, and pull out some tight tailoring and an iPad checklist. Her attention unnerves me, but I don’t want to freeze her back out again; she deserves more. I deserve more.
• I obsessively check my cell, but Jake doesn’t call or text. Every time I see the blank screen, I die a little more inside. I long for one of his song emails, a message, anything! I understand his silence; she’ll be with him. He has a lot to think about and talk about. He’s mad at me, and he’s overwhelmed. It doesn’t make this any less painful, and feels like an eternity.