Chapter 501

• I don’t want to talk. I’m scared that if I start talking about everything, about her and the baby, if she still means anything to him and our life, then it will all come crashing painfully in on me like a fragile tower of cards. Today I want quiet and calm and to be with him. The past few days have taken a toll; this little respite is like a breath of warm air in the frost. I want a time out, and nowhere in the rules of whatever this is does it say that I can’t have that.
• “Okay … Your wish is my command, beautiful. Do you need me to take you to Queens for clothes first?” His fake jovial tone makes me falter, and I hate that it’s not genuine, that we’re hurting each other this way. I inhale heavily, trying to get at least one breath that isn’t laced with pain.
• “Later. I’ll keep on the clothes you brought me yesterday, seeing as all I’ve done is sleep.” I can’t explain the weird way I feel, but I want to get out and go somewhere where no one knows us, where I don’t need to explain anything to anyone. Sarah would ask questions, but I need reflection and silence and maybe him.