Chapter 482

• It’s only been a day since I left him, but it feels like an eternity. The apartment is eerily quiet while Sarah and her boyfriend, Marcus, visit his family for the next six days. I have all technology switched off, so Jake can’t contact me, and I’m slowly dying inside. It doesn’t feel like I belong back here, in this apartment. Queens isn’t where I should be anymore either.
• The anger sweeps through me, followed closely by grief, then mourning. I can’t seem to be still. Every part of me cycles through emotions over and over. I feel like I’m caught in a nightmare I can’t wake up from, and everything around me is surreal. My palms are cold, and my body trembles, but I feel hot and sick. I’ve tried to do something other than lie on the bed and sob, but I’ve lost all my capabilities.
• The years I was hurt and abused at the hands of men used to somehow give me the strength to fight back. No matter what they did, my anger fueled me to be better. But Jake has left me barren and empty. There’s nothing in me but an agonizing pit of despair and hopelessness as I lie crumpled and useless on a bed.