Chapter 151 Esme

I am in pieces, I didn’t realise just how difficult leaving Gabe would be. I did this to protect myself, my family and the arrangement we had with the pack which allowed me to come to university, but I did not consider the effect the mate bond would have and leaving my mate behind….. it was hurting me so badly….. Kya is on edge, she is skulking at the back of my mind, not happy at me for leaving her mate, the one she has been waiting so long for.
If I was finding it this hard, I can’t even imagine what I have done to him, and I hate myself for that. He will know by now, and I imagine spoken to Lola to find out some information. I want to explain to him, but I stupidly didn’t even get his number. I will message Lola and ask her to get it for me. Though I don’t know that he will want to talk to me and who can blame him.
My heart is in pieces. We need to find a way around this. I want him so badly. Being with him last night in the club, with his friends, felt so good, like I was meant to be there, I wanted that for myself. I don’t want that to end. I want to fight for that. but then I can’t risk my degree, I had to fight so hard to be allowed to go to university and Alpha Jace could so easily take that away from me, and I don’t doubt for one second that he would if he felt I was not doing what he wanted.