Chapter 191 Second Chances

• "Even now that I see how much of a mistake I made by switching off my feelings because I feared losing him. He never lets me, no matter how much I try, what I say, or the gestures I make. Even the universe is against my attempt to make it right because it keeps getting in the way and every opportunity keeps slipping away from me. Maybe it’s too late, maybe I had truly lost him even before I lost him. Maybe I was never meant to be a father. Liam would have done a better job, and he would be so disappointed in me. I ruined it because I am a coward who can’t bear to be in pain anymore. I ruined it because I am a coward. And I fear that I won’t get it back. Is there even a need? I can just carry on being this person my son remembers. I can just allow him to see me as he always has and keep carrying on this act of a hateful father. It’s no longer complicated, and the guilt won’t be as taunting if I take my act a little bit more seriously."
• "Jordan is getting married, and once again, I was a disappointment. I arrived late even when I made sure that I would be as early as I could. I’m stuck with being a hateful and disappointing father even when I am not trying to be that way. It still hurts, but I numb the feeling and pretend like it doesn’t. I succeeded in turning it off. No, I didn’t. I simply pretended to turn it off, and it’s playing well so far. I miss my son.
• Genesis seems to be a stubborn one, and I feared that she might give Jordan a hard time. I don’t like her. She is poor, stubborn, and disrespectful, and Jordan might either kill her with his bare hands or I would. Aside from that, she is very beautiful, and her eyes, blue like the ocean, seem to always pierce my soul. I feel too open and vulnerable with her, and whenever she stares at me, I simply feel like she is staring at all my flaws, every mistake, every act. I don’t like her."