Chapter 8 Confusion

• Yesterday was a complete blur in my mind. I remember sitting at the table with my coworkers and boss and saying something like I had to go home without giving much explanation of what or why, and no one really cared. Brandon never contacted me again and it was actually a relief, honestly I thought his harassment would be more persistent. Maybe he was too drunk to even remember what he did.
• I arrived home tired from running, basically fleeing, I showered and went to bed, but that wasn't all. As exhausted as I was, I stayed up like a zombie all night, thinking about what the hell happened. Did I drink too much last night? No, I really didn't drink. Am I hallucinating? My world had turned upside down, so every option, no matter how unlikely, was still competing in the race of madness. The worst part is that I know I'm here, sleepless, thinking about that kiss... while he must be peacefully lying in bed, fast asleep... or maybe with a girl in his bed, maybe even Katie herself. I don't think he would have missed an opportunity like that.
• The next day, of course, I woke up groggy, with panda-like dark circles, looking terrible. I look at myself in the mirror and regret not having slept, instead of thinking about what happened with Brandon, mentally replaying the supposed kiss he gave me. No, no, it can't have been a mistake. A big mistake, surely he must be regretting it as much as I am. But still, I'm not completely sure what happened in that precise moment at the restaurant... my mind couldn't help but replay that brief moment over and over again. The intensity of it, his closeness, his gaze, his scent, how his skin felt, his touch, his soft lips moving against mine with delicate insistence.
• Damn it, he probably doesn't even remember what happened, I would say he was drunk, while I'm imagining it once again, like a fool. He must have thought... Wow, that night I went crazy, I think... yeah, like I kissed Ady, how crazy!
• And yet, a part of me wants to keep that moment, in a hidden corner of my brain, like a little treasure from the past, placed in a special chest, one of incredible and dreamlike moments among the scarce ones of that kind in my life. Maybe even like a dream, for little Princess Adelaida. The foolish little girl and teenager in love with Brandon, before he broke my heart. Maybe she still lives in me, in a small percentage. Yes, let's blame it on little Ady. On the little and foolishly infatuated Ady, in love with the perfect guy in high school. How cliché!
• There's no way I went to the office today, I went straight to the storage room and closed the door so no one would bother me. I focused on reviewing the winning design chosen by the client and started working on it, since it seems like I'll have to do all the work, as usual. Lots of celebration, wine, and fancy restaurant, but the work doesn't get done on its own, especially not with people like Katie who subtract more than they add. Why are people like that? I'll never know, you get paid, do your job, don't take advantage of others.
• Although I must admit, without a doubt, that what motivated me was the date I had today with the cute neighbor. Robbie is going to pick me up at my front door in a couple of hours. So I have to prepare myself physically and mentally for that date.
• For a good amount of minutes, I stand in front of the closet, dressed in my bathrobe with my hair wrapped in a towel... reviewing my options. As you can imagine, a girl who hardly has any dates doesn't have a great stock of feminine and flattering clothes. Damn it, I wish Liz was here and not in class, I lament. She would know how to help me, my friend is pretty and stylish, she definitely knows how to dress.
• Finally, I decide on a dark pair of pants that hide my big butt and wide thighs, and a lilac blouse to accentuate my upper body. It has a pretty good neckline, without being vulgar, things that need to be highlighted or at least not draw attention to my other flaws. I don't know why I keep thinking about my flaws. Although he said I was beautiful, right? He already knows that I'm not a tall, skinny, and stylized supermodel. I'm about to go get my purse when the doorbell rings.
• Wowww! Handsome, musician, and punctual, I think happily as I make my way to the door, feeling that my evening is off to a good start, something inside me is content. I almost skip towards the door. This date will definitely be worth it. Not bad, Adelaida, not bad... maybe if you're lucky, who would've thought.
• "I must say I'm really surprised because..." I start to say flirtatiously, very confident, trying to be outgoing when I become speechless, horrified, and frozen like a statue when I see who is at my door. And no... it's not Robbie, my handsome musician neighbor. Nope, not even remotely Robbie. Oh my god, this can't be, please, I hope I'm really hallucinating.
• "Hello... I must admit that... I really wasn't expecting this reception, not at all, but... I did want to surprise you... Ady. I'm glad I found you at home. You're dressed to go out... wow, really, now I'm the one surprised... you look... very good," he says in that familiar voice.
• In front of me is not Robbie, but a beautifully dressed Brandon who looks me up and down with an appreciative gaze, as if he found gold in the trash. He has that sideways smile that I always loved, his hair combed back, a white shirt, no tie, with dark blue pants, fitting splendidly on his long legs, hugging his thighs in a way that should be forbidden. What are you doing, looking at his legs, Ady? Control yourself!
• His voice carries a hint of surprise. I'm still in shock, my hand on the doorknob, my mouth hanging open like a ridiculously gasping fish. Trying to weigh the situation. I had a date, I opened the door because I thought it was Robbie, and now it's another guy. But not just any other guy... it's Brandon. The one who kissed me yesterday, and he's standing here at my doorstep as if nothing happened. Smiling and happy like a sunflower in the meadow.
• It's as if all my energy has been drained in an instant, I'm an empty statue inside, looking at him. For long seconds, I don't even blink, but rather observe his expression... delighted? Could it be? Suddenly, I see that he nervously holds a simple but elegant bouquet of colorful tulips. What in the devil's name? He seems restless, as if now that he has me in front of him, he doesn't know what to do.
• "I... you see... I just wanted to... I wanted to apologize for yesterday... I don't think I was very gentlemanly, to say the least... And... And I also wanted to invite you out, I know I've asked you many times, and you've refused... in many ways, to be honest. But I mean it, Ady. I would like to talk to you... but truly... I never, but never imagined that you would receive me like this," he says while it seems like he's pointing at me, my outfit, my appearance. What's wrong with it? Oh noooo, do I look bad? I was so happy just a few minutes ago, how life changes.
• Just when I thought the situation couldn't get any worse, and while I still haven't reacted, everything becomes more tangled and complex when I hear another voice in the hallway approaching.
• "Hello, Adelaida," says Robbie, who sneaks near the entrance of my house, standing shoulder to shoulder with none other than Brandon. What in the name of all that is sacred? It feels like there's a hidden camera in my house and at any moment they'll tell me that this is a prank. Robbie seems quite calm... maybe even amused by the scene unfolding at the door of my apartment, he came to pick me up for our date and here he finds a well-dressed blond guy with a sour expression, and with a bouquet of flowers. Let's not forget the poor tulips. I have two men in my house, and surprisingly, both want to go out with me... one invited, the other not. But the latter kissed me last night. When did my life become so complicated?