Chapter 395

• God, I’m such an idiot.Why would I smash the window next to the front door? It’s a dead giveaway that I’m here. My fear starts to reignite again and I start to eat my baked beans at double speed. I need to get out of here. I will be found here and the smashed glass will let them know from what direction I have come.Fuck. My heart starts beating fast as I realise I have sabotaged myself with my stupidity. I walk back into the kitchen and open another can of beans and eat them as I walk upstairs to check to see if there are any shoes I can wear. I open the closet in the bedrooms. Nothing but men’s clothes. They will have to do—at least they are dry. I take off my cold wet clothes and my eyes go to the bathroom. I would kill for a hot shower right now. No. If they come when I’m in the shower I will have no chance. Who am I kidding? If they come here at all I’m dead meat. I hate this. I walk into the bathroom, get a towel from the cupboard, then I quickly undress and dry myself. I dress again into a large pair of men’s sweatpants, a white cotton shirt and a large woollen knitted sweater. There is a dark green beanie and I grab that too for when my hair dries. I run back down the stairs with renewed purpose.
• I need to find some weapons to defend myself and I walk into the kitchen and open the second drawer. I have never been so glad to see the large collection of carving knives in my life. I slowly pick one out and grip my hand around the handle. The memory of stabbing Carl fills my mind and I close my eyes in disgust at myself. I will never as long as I live forget how a knife feels as it slices through flesh or forget seeing blood spurt from a wound. I shake my head in disgust at myself. “Stop it,” I snap out loud. “He deserved it—he was going to kill you,” I mutter to try and justify my brutality.
• Carrying the knife I walk back through the lounge room to look out the front door at the torrential rain. Maybe I should stay here, cut the power and then if they turn up I will have more of a chance to defend myself. Yes, and then I will be out of the weather and I can rest my feet while I wait. Ok, where’s the power box then? I walk up the hall and peer into the room with all of the hunting stuff and I see a metal cupboard at the back. What’s in there I wonder? I walk over and jiggle the handles—it’s locked. Why would there be a locked metal cabinet in a room like this. I frown as I think and my eyes widen. Guns, there are hunting guns in this cupboard. I start to rattle the handle violently. I need to get into this cupboard. Shit. I run back into the kitchen in search of a tool to break open the cupboard and I get three big knives I can hopefully use as a jimmy. I start to desperately try to fit them through the crack in the door to try and break the lock. I bang repeatedly on the door as I try as hard as I can to open it. “Open,” I scream. “Open!”