Chapter 394

• I keep running and running as I cry until finally I am out of sight of the main road and I slump on a rock and cry into my hands.This is a nightmare. “You’re nearly there,” I scream out into the raindrops.“Keep fucking going,” I yell at myself. I stand and keep hobbling up the hill. What if this isn’t even a house? What if it’s just a road that goes to nowhere? “Why are you raining on me?” I scream. “This is hard enough!” I yell. “Pull yourself together, fruitcake,” I mutter under my breath. The driveway has gone over a hill and down a few bends and darkness has fallen. I am deep in the forest and as scared as hell. I can’t even walk properly now. I’m hobbling like an old woman. I need to rest my feet, so I will just walk over this next hill and then I will sit down for a while and rest. Yes, keep going, keep going, I keep repeating to myself.
• I get to the top of the hill and look down into the valley below and see a sight that makes me burst into tears. A house, there is a house down there on the cleared land, an oasis in my hell. “Thank god,” I whisper as the tears roll down my face. “Thank you, thank you.”
• I walk for another half an hour until I finally get to the house. It looked so close but it’s so far away. The house is in total darkness and I walk tentatively up the creaky front steps. It’s a large house with a big wrap-around verandah and there are rooms in the attic by the look of the windows jutting out of the tin roof. I open the heavy screen door and knock loudly. My heart is in my throat with fear, but I have to knock. I desperately need help. I can’t get out of here alone. I knock again and wait but an answer doesn’t come. “Please be home,” I whisper.