Chapter 131

• I frown as I go over the words Margaret spoke to me just yesterday. We are not cousins. We do not share DNA. At first I was ecstatic and hopeful and now the hard cold reality has started to sink in. Joshua is going to be devastated, because he idolises his father. He is not biologically a Stanton. For him it might be better if we were cousins. My heart is heavy. I wish to god that Margaret the bitch hadn’t told me about her sordid previous life, but then, on the other hand, I would not be on my way to him if she hadn’t. I’m so damn confused. It’s like his loss is my gain and I feel guilty and torn. I shouldn’t be relieved that we are not related … but I am, in fact I’m ecstatic. I haven’t slept but am displaying promising signs. I have been comfort-eating for China since that dreaded meeting in my office yesterday. I have hardly eaten a thing for two months so this is good, this is real progress. Why have we had to sacrifice both of our beloved fathers to be together? I know my father had an undiagnosed heart condition and that he was a ticking time bomb, but I pulled the pin. I know that, we all know that. It is just not fair and so unrealistic. Talk about a beautiful, tragic love story, ours takes the cake. Loving each other for so long from afar, fighting our social restraints and conscience to be together, trying desperately to resist a deep natural desire … it doesn’t make sense. I’ve never heard of a couple with so many barriers, not any that have made it anyway. I blow out a breath as I pop two sleeping tablets into my mouth and take a sip of water.
• “Wake me up if the plane is going down,” I yawn to Max.
• He smirks. “Sure thing,” he replies.