Chapter 96

• HAERA
• I have always woken up the same way ever since Alpha Zachary's memory loss and maybe the days beyond that when I was still by his bed, tending to him and making sure he didn't lack a thing. My waking up is always a process where each step takes its time as if a single disruption or mistake in the process would ruin the entire day for me. Before my eyes even opens, my mind is already awake and I'm contemplating whether to open my eyes or just lay back there because I don't want to feel the pain of seeing my mate on that bed or because I don't want to hear the word "mum" for another day so much that it makes me want to pull my ears out. A lot of voices come in my head to grace me with thoughts of what I could do instead of opening my eyes. Even Dezra's voice mingles with them once in a while with her being against the voices. But a single one among a thousand subconscious thoughts, it was really far fetched even if at the end of the day, she wins. My awoken mind is followed by the twitch in my fingers and the movement of my legs on the bed. The straining of my ears follow too so I could at least know what I would be waking up to. During the times when Zachary was still on that bed, I would listen for sounds of someone coming to tell me that my mate was awake or something. I would pray my sleep gets disrupted by the noise of such amazing news. Now when I strain my ears before waking up, it's to listen for the ten year old "man" who sleeps in the same bed with me with his huge body covering most of my small and petite one. Zachary's voice wakes me most of the time as well as the way he tugs at me with his hands to wake me from my slumber. If he isn't yelling "mum!" in my face then he is leaping around the room, making annoying sounds, dropping things and singing loudly just to wake me up and when I do open my eyes, he's already in front of me on a flash with an innocent look on his face like he never did anything to contribute to me waking up from my sleep. I don't even get to sleep well most times. Unlike him, who sleep takes over the moment his back hits the bed, I have to deal with the way he draws me into himself, so close to his chest that I hear the sound of his heart beating in there. I have to deal with the hotness my body emits because of how close I was to him and obviously how deprived I am of his attention and touch. I have to deal with him mumbling in his sleep and a whole lot more before I get to sleep, sometimes hours later. It got worse after the council meeting with the werewolves because I'm not able to sleep without thinking of what could happen if I don't make it in time to meet the request of the werewolf council. Don't even get me started on how I toss and turn all night because everything I've done to get Zachary to remember who he really is has ended in failure. It gets worse on each attempt and never better. Even he has gotten tired and grown really curious on a daily basis trying to know why we kept taking him to different places and making him do different things. It keeps me up all night, thinking of new ways to get him to remember or what made the last attempt fail. Most times I don't even get to toss and turn because he's always engulfing me in his big body and all I have to do is just lay there and breathe in his sweet scent, while hoping he doesn't squeeze me to death with his big muscular arms. The endless thoughts and sleepless nights are the basis for the next process of me waking up from my sleep. Migraine. Intense aching of my head because of how worried I am about Zachary and the future of the pack and because I wasn't able to get enough sleep during the normal hours. My head starts banging all of a sudden; from all the stress, the thoughts and the nights I went without sleep and also the noise of a grown man trying to wake me up. It's what forces the last of the waking process. Opening my eyes. Just that, opening my eyes doesn't make my head ache any less. If anything, it gets worse and i just want to go back to bed but when I think of the things I need to do, I'm up before I know it, getting my shit together and shunning my "son" for making too much noise before I head out and begin the same routine all over again. However, waking up today after all the process I am used to was...different. I could go on and on about why it's all so different today but it would all make no sense if I don't start with the fast that I woke up before Zachary. For the first time in days, my eyes; the last thing in the entire process, opened and I was wide awake before Zachary who was still snoring softly beside me. I didn't wake up to the sound of him trying to get me to wake up. I woke up all on my own. It was like I never even slept a wink and my eyes were opened all night. I laid there–not in his arms because he already rolled away to the side and I was asleep on my back;unable to move a single muscle and a bone in my body. My entire body felt weak and heavy like I was a heavy sack of potatoes that couldn't even carry itself. The migraine set it much later and it made me shut my eyes tight from the pain it sent searing into my head. It was like it tracked down to my brain if I knew what having a headache over there feels like. It was all wrong. The migraine coming after I opened my eyes; it was wrong. Awfully wrong. Not to even mention the fact that I had still not been able to move my body. I was weak. Too weak than the times I was just too lazy and no longer strong willed to wake up and tend to Zachary. The weakness didn't feel natural like the ones from before. It was strange, new, different...painful. Even my eyes were weak on their own. I laid there like that for what must have been an hour if not more. I guessed that the day was yet to even break properly because of the silence that prevailed over the entire pack. And so I waited. Hoping that I'll be able to move my body before the bell in the pack rings to signify a new day. The bell was probably a wake up call for Zachary and I knew once it sounded, the man snoring peacefully beside me would jerk awake. I just thought of it as a monetary change in the pattern in which I wake up. Although I told myself that I didn't like it one bit. I'd rather wake up the old way than wake up this way. "Haera, I sense an odd energy around you. I don't think it's something that will pass, I think you're sick Haera." Dezra pointed out after a while of laying and just staring into silence. I shook my head like it mattered to her that I did. "No...I'm not sick Dezra, have I ever been?" I countered her. Tch...there was no way in hell that I was sick. It was just one of the things that happens when I wake up. Nothing more. "Haera, you have to listen to me. I know how worked up you are about this entire thing but you need to pay attention to your health." God. It was even painful and tiring to midlink my wolf and talk to her but I wasn't going to let her think I was feeling sick. Or maybe I just wanted to deny that my health has been failing for a long time now because I have paid little to no attention to myself. And I would deny it for as long as I could. I wasn't sick. I couldn't be sick. Dezra was just worried over nothing because my sleeping pattern changed. "I am totally fine,Dezra. It's just a little change in the scheme of things. I'll be fine once our mate wakes up and starts barreling around the room again." I said, the thought of it making my head ache the more. "I don't think that's the case, Haera. You have to believe me that I think you're coming down with a–" The sound of the bell ringing and the noise resonating all through the palace of the Alpha put an abrupt end to my wolf's words. It was morning. The bell rang a few more times while I still laid there waiting for the next wake up call that's in a human form and that shares a bed with me to wake up and try me to get me to wake up too. He didn't disappoint. Zachary stirred in his sleep and shifted closer to me, engulfing my weak body into himself as he did. I knew more was wrong with me than I thought when he wrapped his arms around my waist and my body didn't tingle like it used to. And it turned out worse than I thought when he suddenly jerked away as if my skin burned him and I really think it did. I finally moved my head to the side to look at me and his eyes held shock and worry all at once. "Mum, are you okay?" He asked me, the shock gone, the worry evident. "Good morning to you too Zachary." I said. His reaction was new unlike every other day when he wakes up from his sleep. He ignored my greeting and only moved closer, stretching out his hand to touch me. He placed it on my forehead and moved back again. "Mum, Your body...your body...why is it hot?" He stuttered. I recognized the next emotion that stained his beautiful eyes as fear. He was afraid for me. I managed a smile but even I knew it was a weak one. I didn't want to but I did, I touched my forehead and he was right. I was burning up. It was the start of a fever. "I told you Haera, you aren't okay." Dezra chipped in with worry. I didn't accept that I was sick because I just couldn't be, not now when I had a lot of things to do. Who would take care of the pack? How would I work to help my mate regain his memory? Who would take care of Zachary? No. It was just a slight fever and it would be gone before I knew it, nothing to fuss about. "Mummy is fine, Zachary. You should go take your bath. Common." I tried to move my body to prove I was okay but it was a lost course. I did move my body but it did come with a lot of pain that made me whimper slightly. Zachary got off the bed and raced to my side of the bed. "You are not okay mum, you're burning up mum. It's not a good sign. You're sick." He rushed, his voice already shaking like he was just a few seconds away from crying. It made me picture little Zachary with stubborn brown hair and tears staining his rosy pup cheeks as he stared at his mother. He must have really loved his mother. It was so glaring and I realize it everyday but it never ceases to amaze me. "I'm not sick, Zachary." I managed weakly. He shook his head. "No! You are sick. You told me that whenever my body gets this hot, it means a fever is coming, I know when someone is sick mum." He argued. I don't remember telling him any of that. It was probably a memory of his mother and I wanted to smack him so hard for being able to remember that part and not me. I finally got off the bed but sat at the edge beckoning him to come over to me there. I asked him to crouch so we could be on the same level. "I'm fine okay? I really am." I tried to sound convincing. He didn't seem to agree with me and so I tried again. "I'm sure a bath will solve it. I just need to have cold water wash over me, it's probably the hot weather. Common, don't you want to have a bath?" I said again and his eyes searched mine as if looking for the truth in them. He nodded after a while and I ruffled his hair playfully. "Good boy." I managed to get my body to the bathroom so I could bathe him as usual but he stopped me with a warning look that scared me. For a ten year old man, he's sure got a look that scares. He told me he'd bath himself and that I could go rest. It was obvious that he still had doubts about me. I went in after him to take my bath in the bathhouse and then dressed in one of my clothes as usual prepared for another hectic day of trying to make him remember. "Mum, I think you should just rest today and stop trying to make me remember things by doing weird stuff." He pointed out. I merely smiled and headed for the door to go outside with him. We both walked outside of our room and towards the throne room. Alan was there waiting, dutifully as usual and prepared. I admired and appreciated his loyalty so much. He bowed the moment he saw us walk in and waved at Zachary. Zachary might pretend he didn't like Alan but I could tell how much he enjoyed playing games with him. I found my seat and turned to Alan. "Have you heard from the committee?" I asked. He shook his head before he answered "not since the last time, no." I sighed. For how long will I hope for them to change their mind? "We don't have much time left and I'm exhausted and out of things to do to get him to at least remember who he really is." I said. "Now that you mentioned it...errr, princess Haera, you look pale. Is everything alright?" Alan's voice held worry too. "I'm fine Alan, it's nothing to worry about." I said. "Are you sure? You really look under the weather. Princess Haera,it's okay to take some time off." Alan suggested again. "I'm perfectly okay. Must be the weather." I said again even if my body protested against me and my lies. I had to keep going. I couldn't break down. Not now. "It's a lie Alan! She is sick. She was running a fever this morning." Zachary suddenly blurted. I turned to him, annoyed at his outburst. He cowered under my look and ran over to stand behind Alan. That big blabbermouth! "Princess Haera, is it true?" Alan asked. I sighed. There was no hiding it anymore. "What difference does it make if I'm sick Alan? You know I can't abandon all the work I have to do." "No one is asking you to abandon it ,princess Haera. But you also need to rest. You've done so much and I greatly respect you for that but you have to rest...why don't you call the physician in? He could prescribe something." Alan advised. My safety senses heightened. "No! I can't call the physician and draw attention to myself. Rumours will spread and in no time, the council will find out and it's over." I said. I was finally admitting how sick I was but also admitting my fear as well. My sickness could be the opening the council needs to bring that criminal in and I wouldn't sit and watch it all play out like a fool. "We can keep it discreet Princess Haera,please don't say no. Let's call the physician in." Alan pleaded again. Zachary stepped out from behind him. "Please listen to him mum." I wanted to risk it and do as Alan said but I also couldn't let all I've done go to waste after all this while. "I will be fine. I don't need the physician." I said with a tone of finality. Zachary inched forward. "But my–" I glared at him. "Don't argue this with me, Zachary. I won't be seeing the physician and that's final!" It shut him right up.