Chapter 31

• HAERA. Dezra and I both had a lot in common. Unlike other people and their Wolves who had different personalities and reactions to certain this, Dezra and I were both stubborn and hardheaded. I might be the most level headed of us both, trying to keep her in check from going all out on my bullies but we were still pretty much the same thing. Loud and smart mouths that has gotten us,me, into a lot of trouble over the years. But I was always the emotional one. I was the one who broke easily when things weren't going my way. I was the one who teared up when I get frustrated. And so it was easy for Dezra to slip away back to the back of my mind and relinquish all of the control to me. The control to confirm if what Dezra had just thrown in the face of the princess was true. It was hard to decipher the look on her face, to confirm if she was hiding something or not but as calmy as I could I faced her again. She wasn't in anyway calm. She was literally fuming and her nostrils flared in both irritation and anger. "What did you do to him?" I asked in a more subtle way than Dezra had asked. That wolf had swung the bat right in her face, confronting her if she was the one responsible. I tried to think of a lot of reasons why she would be responsible for killing him. I thought long and hard about it. She was the daughter of the Alpha, she has access to the Wolfsbane and silver that's probably locked up somewhere in the Alpha's Chambers. She could make of with however she wished but then there was the question of the motive behind the murder. Why would she kill him? She hated his guts. It was damn obvious. She made it too clear when she raved at her father for moving the ritual up and it was obvious in the way Balfour had always told me that he was always this close to flipping her off right in her face. She complained about his weight and his cooking when no one has really cared about how our Chef looked. She was as vile as I thought her to be but then...enough to kill a grown man? I shook my head mentally. There must be another explanation for the words that she said moments ago. She said she would have allowed me to die with him instead of making me come here. She would have let me die with me if she didn't need me. I sure as hell knew that she didn't need me because I was a valuable maid to her. She didn't need me because she hated me for sharing birthday with her or because she wants to shove it in my face that my mate chose her. Whatever she needed me for, it was much more deep than I thought and I just couldn't place my hands on it. I was still trying to come to terms with the fact that Balfour was really dead.... death by drowning as they claim but it was until I saw for myself before I can believe that shit. Ulric said Balfour lost his Wolf following his rejection but I knew better. Balfour's Wolf was there. It just wasn't there... it was weak and barely hanging on from all of the years of pain he'd had to go through whenever his mate is somewhere mating with another who isn't her mate. His wolf has gotten weak from lack of affection and touch over the years but it was still there. It couldn't take a god-damned lake for him to just die like that. I knew it and the only suspect I had was right in front of me. Only the motive behind the murder of a man I was with a few hours ago, was unclear. "Are you seriously asking me that? We were all in this Chambers when probably drowned. Your dumb head can't process the fact that I can't be in two place at once?" I already thought that far and concluded that she could have minions outside of the pack who could carry her bearings out. "Then what did you mean by your last statement? You clearly said you should have just let me die with him!" She released a loud cackle. I was left to wonder if anything I'd said right then was funny enough for her to life that. It was hard to tell what she was thinking. She didn't flinch at my accusations. The sides of her lips didn't turn up. Her eyes didn't falter and she hardly batted a lid. If it was a facade of if it was real , she was damn well doing a good job playing innocent. "Your brain is just as ugly as your face. Ugly and rotten enough for you not to understand expressions and what they mean. Whatever led the Chef to his death would have probably killed you too since you're just as foolish as he is. If he was murdered, I wouldn't be surprised if you were too." "He's dead! You can't say that about him. Have a little decency." A smack stung my face and made my head fall go the side on my neck. She just struck me across the face. "You're a lowly and dirty maid, yet you preach to me about decency? I don't care if he's alive or dead. What matters right now is that he's ruining my own happiness." I couldn't say anything after that. Because my cheeks stung and because I didn't know what else to say. I've had a lot of people hit me before but for some reason, this one didn't only hurt me physically but broke me in a way I couldn't explain. "Leave my room and don't let me see your face until I ask you to." I took a little pause before turning on my heels and walking out the door, slamming it behind me and making my way to my room which was on the left side of the hall, two rooms away from her. I heard her frustrated scream in the room even from where I was walking through. As I walked towards my door, still hung over what just happened, Gennora passed beside me in rushed steps. She paid no attention to me and I could see worry crease her forehead and she opened the door to the Princess's room and walked. Silence descended afterwards and I resumed walking, grabbing my swollen cheek in my hand. It would heal before I knew it but I wasn't so sure the pain in my heart would go away so soon. I got to my door and made to open it when I stopped my hand on the doorknob. Was I really going to let this go? I was confused and mad as hell but I couldn't just sit here because I was told to and not go to at least see his body for the last time. It would break me but I would be forever broken if I don't get to see him, no matter how he looked in his death. And so I stopped turning the knob of my door and raced down the hallway of the Chambers. I could get into big trouble with the princess even after being warned not to leave her sight for the week but I needed to find peace by seeing Balfour. In my rush, I raced past my mate. He was coming down from the other hallways of the Chambers, his Beta, Alan walking dutifully by his side. He was obviously heading towards the Princess's room and for some reason in that moment, I cared less. Okay..maybe I knew the reason and it was because I had my mind set on going to see Balfour. Our eyes locked. Not just the eyes of my mate and I but Alan's deep set black eyes were set on me as recognition flashed in his eyes. I didn't let myself dwell on it. I was quick to look away for a lot of reasons. I wondered why he even counted me worthy of his stare. Could he smell me? I didn't wait to confirm. They didn't stop me either as I went out of their sight and they out of mine. I made sure to look around to see no one was around to stop me, not even the guards who guarded the doors of the Alpha's Chambers cared about the shrinkly maid who bolted out. I went straight for the kitchen as if being there would give me some kind of reassurance that this was all a dream but the kitchen was empty and it left a big chunk of emptiness in my own heart. That huge weight and chunk of man won't take up the space anymore. He won't roll around the kitchen with his huge body and I won't get the chance to say he was taking up all the space and he won't drag me into a bossom for a forced bear hug. He was gone and I could already feel the emptiness before I even saw his body. I choked on tears. I had been waiting for them for so long. I ran out of the kitchen again and went running for the lake that was behind our quarters. I bumped into someone on the way and it turned out to be Ulric. His eyes held worry and concern the moment he saw me. "Haera dear, what are you doing here?" My throat locked. I swallowed a huge lump and gallons of saliva but it still didn't make it through my locked throat that couldn't even let me say anything. I was this close to losing it. "I want to see him.." I finally croaked out. The sides of Ulric's lip turned down in a sad tight trim. I knew he was about to say no. I couldn't let him. "You can't say no to me Ulric. I have to see him! I was with him barely hours ago." "I'm sorry Haera. I know how you feel but I think it's better for you not to see him this way. Keep your last memory of him the way it is. Please." He pleaded. "And asides from that, we're investigating and the Alpha has ordered that no one be allowed in the scene except for people in charge of the investigation. You can't see him until we wrap everything up and find out what exactly happened." "But I'm not just anyone. I can't be denied this. I need to see him." I croaked out. I didn't even recognize my voice anymore with the way it cracked terribly. "I'm sorry Haera." That did it for me as the tears spilled down my cheeks and I couldn't hold the loud cry anymore. Ulric knew. He knew I was already at my breaking point because he pulled me into himself. He didn't care that we were out in the open and his cranky wife could see us together. His huge frame just engulfed my small one as he pressed his chin by the sides of my head. Holding me tight. Understanding my plight. Understanding that I'd just lost the only other person who made me smile and made my life worthwhile. "It's okay to cry, Haera. It's okay." And I cried. I cried for so long but he was there with me all through it. While other maids and guards passed, he didn't let me go. When he finally did, he wiped my tears with a promise that he would get to the bottom of the situation and let me know whatever happens. When I returned to my room, I was dejected and barely even walking properly as a normal human. I slumped on my Fancy bed and looked up the ceilings. At nothing if I was being honest. My eyes was blank. I couldn't even cry anymore. Luckily for me, it didn't seem like the princess missed me too much to care about if I went against her orders or not. All of my moments with Balfour flashed before my eyes. The good ones. There were only good ones. And right there and then, I agreed with Balfour, it was better to let him go with the last memory of him that I had.