Chapter 40

• ALPHA ZACHARY
• The bells from the high tower rang and for a moment, I thought I was back at my pack and back in the nightmare that keeps me up all night. I jerked off my bed, eyes wondering around to get a hold of my surroundings and with the light from outside the window flooding into the room, familiarity set in and I knew just where I was. I didn't have a nightmare today. I stopped having them after I met her, my mate, back at my pack and it suddenly felt like she was the missing piece of the puzzle in my life. But I started having them all over again. After winning the duel, after becoming the Alpha and after coming to this pack, the Moonstone Pack to perform the ritual and take my mate with me. I started having those nightmares again. I started jerking up from my bed with sweat sticking to every part of my body like slimy leaches. The nightmares kept me up all night while Serge whimpered on and on about something that seemed to hurt him. He was just as confused as I was and there was no one to comfort me from my own nightmares that drive me crazy every night. Every night until yesterday... A sharp knock on my door cut through my thoughts and I rushed to pack up the sheets on the bed that smelled thickly of arousal and my sin from yesterday. I tried to ward off the smell too. The princess...my mate... can't find out. "Alpha...it's me." Relief flooded me when I realized it was just my Beta. I mind linked him to come in he did, closing in he door behind him and walking over to me at the foot of the bed where he bowed slightly. "The ceremony...it's about to begin." Right...the mate bond ritual was about to begin and I was about to be legally mated to my mate yet something feels so wrong and right all at once and it had everything to do with the girl who came into my room last night. The girl I took pressure from. I was embarrassed at myself for letting myself go that far with her. I was disappointed in myself for taking pleasure from another woman when I had a mate to be bonded to the next day. Whatever happens... Ilvira mustn't find out. I'd die before she does. I couldn't disappoint her. It was the last thing I wanted to do. I just needed to get this ritual over with and poof...all impure attractions to another woman will be gone and forgotten. I just had to mate with Ilvira and it will be okay. "Where were you last night?" I questioned Alan. I couldn't help but get suspicious of his disappearance yesterday that was enough to make a simple maid come into my room without him knowing. Alan was an alert wolf who could sense danger from miles away. It was what he was trained to do as a Beta and a common maid was the least person who could go past him without him knowing. One thing about him was also the fact that his expressions was always unreadable. He doesn't put his emotions on his face and so it as hard to tell what he was thinking. It was hard to see it in his eyes if he was lying or not but I knew Alan would never lie to me. I wasn't going to admit what I yesterday. I was more than embarrassed to admit it to him or anyone. I just wanted to know how that maid got into my room the night before. "I was out on patrol with the Head guard...they needed more hands because of the many guests." He said coolly. No expression, no blinking of his eyes or twitching of his lips or nose to prove he was lying. Well...that explains how she got in. Whatever. I just had to get the ceremony over with and leave this pack as soon as possible. Far away from her and from anything that will remind me of her. "I'll wash up." I told Alan and he merely nodded. Making the way for me to go into the bathroom whose door was adjoined to the room. I washed up as fast as I could and walked out to meet my clothes carefully laid out on the bed. Since I was used to the maids doing this for me at my pack, Alan has taken it upon himself to do it for me since we arrived the Moonstone pack. I shrugged on my clothes with the usual cloak that signified my power and position as the Alpha of the Imperial pack. The Alpha who would be getting mated to the princess of this pack today. Standing in front of the huge mirror and looking into it,I didn't feel like someone who was going to get mated to my Life partner today. And I knew why. It's all because of her. Haera. The chef of this pack who I've been drawn to ever since I stepped foot into this pack. And as if I wasn't already going crazy thinking about her and this whole situation, Serge nudged at me relentlessly. "For the love of the moon Serge, what is it?" I grovelled. I was tired because he's been doing that since I woke up. It was bad enough that I was going crazy on my own and he has chosen to add more salt to my wound. "Are you sure about this? Are you really going to go through with this?" He said and I mind linked an answer with an annoyed groan. "I thought you were excited about this whole thing. We're finally getting mated... remember?" I said even if I wasn't convinced myself. "We both know what happened yesterday. We have never felt that connection with our mate." I shut him off immediately. "What happened yesterday was a mistake I regret." "Do you now?" He taunted. I became lost for words because I knew right then and there that I didn't regret what happened between me and Haera yesterday. The thought of that made me begin to hate myself and feel so little of myself. "Look...I'm not sure what's going on but I'll rule it off as mere attraction to her. I already fed off it and that should be enough. We have to keep this from our mate no matter what and end it there. I'm not going to do the exact same thing my father did that turned my life upside down. Ilvira is our mate and the one chosen for us and that's that." Serge merely grumbled at my response. Seriously, wasn't he the one who was meant to keep me from doing this sort of thing? Why was he so hung over this Haera girl? And wait... Why was I so hung up over her? Was this how my father felt when he took off with a woman who wasn't his mate? Was he this crazed with feelings he couldn't get as grasp of? Do I really have a right to hate him anymore when I was doing the same thing he did that tore me apart from him? The last thing I wanted was to make the same mistake as my father but I couldn't control it. It started suddenly–the attraction. The first time I saw Haera was the first day I was at the moonstone pack to get my mate and perform the ritual. I was so happy to see Ilvira. In just a few days of finding out she was my mate, she had become the whole world to me. So happy that I moved over to her and tenderly kissed her on her forehead because of how much I respected her for the trust she put in me on the day of the Duel. That day, her scent was suddenly at its strongest. Before then, I'd always been confused about why her scent suddenly turned faint the next day we met after our first meeting. But when it suddenly came at me strong on the day first day at the pack, I didn't know what to think. When I pulled away from her,my eyes caught a pair of Amber eyes. Familiar Amber eyes standing beside her with lines of pain searing the forehead of the person who bore those Amber eyes. Her eyes was the only thing familiar about her. The rest of her face wasn't one I'd come across before and she was just a common maid whose face was ridden with pimples. I brushed her off. I didn't Know her and a lot of people had Amber eyes. Although those eyes kept me up later that night because they were just as I remembered it the very first night I met my mate but I fought the thought and concluded that it was nothing but mere illusion. But that was just the beginning. The next days that followed saw me getting more and more interested in the maid who stood closely by Ilvira everyday. I found my eyes going over her frame when she wasn't looking while standing beside her princess and a few times, she even caught me staring. Each time her Amber eyes met mine, I sucked in a gush of breath. She kept me up all night–the thought of her. I started to wonder, does she think of me the same way I think of her? Was she as attracted to me as I was to her? The attraction was so wrong from the start but I couldn't help it and even the scent of my mate was also driving me crazy. The scent was always at its peak when Haera was close to her and so you can imagine how both my attraction to the wrong woman and the right one was driving me crazy. But my attraction to Ilvira has never made me want to go looking for her, shred her clothes and fill her till there's no space left inside of her It was like the moon goddess was toying with me. I wanted her so bad... So bad it hurt going to sleep every night with my member hard against my pants. I jerked off to the thought of her and I didn't even know it until I was coming and my vision is blurred with the sight of her. Back then, I didn't know her name. I was cautious to ask anyone because it felt so wrong and sinful to even think of her. The first time I learnt her name, I let it play on my tongue all through the night. It was the day she was appointed the chef of the pack and ultimately the last day I saw her until yesterday night when she slipped into my room. Haera. Ilvira. Really? The moon goddess must be toying with me. How could their names be so close in sound to each other? Each day counting down to the ritual felt like torture. How was I supposed to get mated when I was crazily attracted to another? I expected myself to go looking for her at some point. Heck I contemplated having my feel of her and then move on like nothing ever happened. After all, she was nothing but a maid. But I couldn't bring myself to doing the same thing my father did. I held myself back even if it was like torture What I didn't expect was for her to come into my own room. I didn't expect her to come find me first. I didn't know that she was just as attracted as I was to her. I wanted to just give in. Heck I almost did after I humped her not minding her dry chambers with our clothes on. I almost marked her too. Everything just happened so fast that I didn't get to think. She smelled like Ilvira. The scent of Ilvira was all over her and I got drunk on it. What would have happened if I had marked her yesterday? What would have happened if I had given in and fucked her as hard as I wanted? Then I would have become a betrayal like my father. A disappointment and something less of a real man. I didn't want that. And so even though it was hard, I sent her off and shut the feelings down. It's only a mere distraction. It will die down. I said to myself all night as I tossed and turned in bed with he thoughts clouding my mind and senses. One thing I knew was that there was nothing I could do about it. I was determined to hold on to the principles I laid out for myself not to be like my father. I wasn't going to get distracted no matter what. Today, I will mark Ilvira.