Chapter 90

• HAERA
• How does one describe hell? Of course, it's an endless pit that everyone attributed to fire and a world that comes after the one we are currently living in. It's the norm. It is what we knew growing up. It's what's meant to be! But somehow, over the years of living as an immortal creature with more years to live out, that particular meaning has lost its touch if it ever even had any. Hell just wasn't something you go through in another life for telling a few lies and taking a few lives. The world we are now has a living hell of its own. And I, being my usual unlucky self, have gone through various forms of that hell, enough to last the lifetime that I still had ahead of me. But of all the hells I've gone through, none could be this worse. None could match my mate acting like a fucking ten year old and me having to baby him around like a real mother when I knew absolutely nothing about parenting. My life suddenly being reduced from longing and yearning to me trying to keep a ten year old in the body of a grown man twice my size, out of trouble. Things have taken such a drastic turn that I sometimes find myself wishing subconsciously that my mate who I prayed for at his bedside everyday for the moon goddess to send him back to me would just slip into that coma again. Then I won't have to go through this hell I was going through. Terrible,I know but one can only judge me after they've walked a mile or more in my shoes. That day, the very first day his eyes opened and he called me that one name that always makes me want to peel my ears out, I thought it was only a matter of time before he came back to his senses. I felt it was a nightmare I was living. It would go away once the both of us go back to sleep, especially him. I thought he was going to sleep it off and I even took special care in nursing him to bed that night. I sang a fucking lullaby. The physician said it was a huge memory loss and Alan said his mother was the darkest memory which he tried to keep buried and I told myself that it was only a matter of time. He would be back to his normal self. I remember leaving him on the bed that day, asleep and snoring softly while I went to my own chambers to rest. Nothing prepared me for what happened the next morning. I woke up to a grown man sitting on my small body with no regards for his size and trying to pry my eyes open. I almost died of shock but I'm sure the pain of him sitting on me would have killed me faster. His face had been so close that it first knocked the breath out of me. My mind had raced with the dirtiest thoughts one could ever think of. I had craved his touch and everything in between because of how much I had longed for him. When his face got closer, I was certain he wanted to kiss me. I was tingly all over and I closed my eyes in anticipation. I was right, I had thought to myself. It was just a nightmare. No way my mate would really be a man with the brain of a ten years old boy. I had been wrong because what happened next stunned me to silence and chased all those tingly feelings away. "Mum! Wake up! Mum, wake up!" Those were the whiny and annoying words that finally woke me from my slumber. Not to mention the way he danced and leaped around the room like a frog while telling me to wake up in a singsong voice. It was the most horrible morning of my life and I just wanted to go back to sleep. That was the grand opening of the worst days I've had to endure after then. Where should I begin counting from? The mockery by everyone in the pack because it was so glaring that their Alpha had a hit to the head and was now crazy? I've heard a few whispers that get shushed when I pass by the pack or major places of the palace. The clingy man who grabs me at every chance he gets and refuses to let me go? because, he said and I quote; "He is coming for me and it's either he takes the both of us he doesn't take me at all." How do I tell this 10 years old that whatever he was saying happened years ago? I mean, just how painful could the memory of one's father taking him away from his mother be? I've had it up to my neck and it seemed like I couldn't take it anymore but I had no choice but to suck it up and be a mum faster than I expected to be. He hasn't even touched me in that way yet for me to expect a child of my own. At this rate, I doubt if my mate and I would ever have any form of intimacy. Today, just like every other day, I was in the kitchen. Cooking! Since I returned to this pack as both the combination of the princess, the Alpha's mate and ultimately his Luna, I haven't stepped foot in the kitchen to cook other than that one time when I had to argue things out with Dina. I didn't even have the time to think about cooking, which was my favorite thing to do. I did enjoy the freedom of having people bring all three meals a day to my table while I focus on taking care of my mate. Since my mate woke up as a freaking ten year old, I've had to personally make his food because he said and I quote; "I don't trust anyone else with making my food and yours tastes the best anyway!" It's crazy enough that I have to cook for him daily, in fact I wouldn't even have minded because it was what I loved doing and doing it these past days reminded me of how much I missed it but having him joined to my hips so tightly while I cook is what makes it annoying to me. The occasional "mum!" and the regular "mum, are you done yet?" and the frequent "Mum, it's not ready yet?"were all driving me insane. And trust me, today wasn't any better. "Zachary, for heaven's sake, sit down. You're a ten year old boy not a two year old pup!" I've lost count of how many times I've shouted at him to either stop playing with the knives or drumming with the spoons or playing catch with the ceramic plates. I've lost count of a whole lot of things! "I want to see what you're making." He said. His eyes were teary when I turned to look at him and his lips...he was fucking pouting! I almost fell for it and almost thought he was cute. But still, he was a grown man. It was awkward to look upon him after what I've known him to be. I just sighed and dropped the spoon in my hands before turning to him after thinking of the best way to scold him. He stood inches taller than me even as I attempted to reach his height. "Now listen to me young man, I'm trying to cook dinner because you asked me to and I'm having a hard time concentrating because you just won't let me! It could make me add too much spice and maybe a little too much salt because I wasn't looking at the food but at you, now, would you like me to make a meal that has too much salt it could slice your tongue off?" I rushed out all in one breath. He shook his head. "No...I don't like salty food." I nodded. "And too much spice?" He shook his head again. "It makes my eyes burn and then my throat itches." "Now, will you be a good boy and sit over there while I make dinner?" He bobbed his head eagerly. "Yes mum!" "Good boy." I smiled, straining to touch his head and ruffle his hair. He turned around to find a suitable place to sit and I signed in relief when he did before going back to my cooking. It was just me and him in the kitchen. I banned the maids and Dina from coming in while we were both there because I knew what would happen if any of them saw him like this with me. More rumors would spread and stories would fly. As if there wasn't enough already. The physician and Alan have been helpful in their own way. Alan has tried to act like a friend to him and he successfully managed to keep him away from me while I do his duties as an Alpha. The physician was hopeful that his memories would return and so he mixed different herbs on a daily basis for him to take. I couldn't say it was working but I was hopeful as well that it would work. Dezra has been awfully quiet. All she does is just chip in a few words of encouragement for me and I appreciated her thoughtfulness because it was all I needed. If things continued this way, I feared I would have to accept the inevitable. My parents send words daily to ask of my well-being and Basil doesn't fail to write to me too. I assured them that I was okay and told them the situation of things here at the Imperial pack. They were sorry but I could also feel their pride in me whenever I read their letters. It was going to be fine. I've gone through a lot already. This was just a part of it. "Dinner is ready Zach." I called out to him. He was still seated where I asked him to moments ago and my heart swelled at his obedience. I walked over to him and grabbed his cheeks, pinching them softly. "Who's a good boy?" "Me!" He said cheerily and it made me laugh. He laughed in return, a beautiful one that made his eyes crinkle on the sides. God! He was cute. So cute I wanted to kiss him just like every other time but I couldn't, afraid to confuse him. "Common, let's go eat dinner." I said, holding him by the hand and calling for one of the maids to bring the food to the dinner table with us. We walked to the dining hall and sat while the maids dished out the food I cooked, wordlessly. "Thank you." I said to one of them with a smile. I remember her as one of the maids who welcomed me and she was the warmest person ever. I came to respect her when I heard her scolding a few maids for making a mockery out of the Alpha's situation. She smiled back, bowed and left with the others. I turned to my "son" who was beside me and smiled at him as well. "Go on, dig in." I said. "Thank you for the food!" He yelled and began to eat. My smile only got wider. We ate in silence for a few minutes and soon, we were done and the maids came to clear the plates. It was bedtime and it wasn't really a time I looked forward to either. Just like every other day since this happened, Alan walked into the dining hall with a big smile on his face that was directed at this Alpha. "Alpha Zachary." He called. Zachary frowned and it was only for one reason. The one I have never been able to avoid. "Go away Alan, it's bedtime already, I don't want to play swordsman today," he grumbled. "Common,It's going to be fun. A lot of other boys are coming too." Alan tried to convince him. "No! Mum, tell Alan to leave. I shouldn't be playing by bedtime should I?" I turned to him. "Zach, you can go ahead and play with him, you can have a sleepover. Mummy is fine with that." He snorted. "Only girls do sleepovers, mum. What I want to do is sleep with you!" There it is. The bombshell and the feared word I have been expecting from him. Alan coming here was to save me from hearing those words and it has been like that every night since then. Alpha Zachary wouldn't sleep alone on a bed in another room except with me. He literally sleeps beside me every night and cuddles me in his sleep. He was a grown man with...apparent needs and a bulge in his pants whenever he wakes up every morning. His bulge rubbed against my butt every morning or against my thighs, depending on where he's facing. It leaves some sort of longing inside of me and I yearned to be touched in that one place by him but it felt even sinful and diabolical to think about it since he was literally a ten year old. It felt morally wrong and so I try to pry him off me every night but I've never been successful at it. Alan has never been too. "Common Alpha Zachary." Alan tried again for good measure but my mate only stood from his seat and ran to me. "No! I want to sleep with my mummy!" He cried out. Does he even know how those words make me feel? "Fine...fine...let's..." I sighed in defeat, waving at Alan to go away. "Let's go to sleep." Alan just gave me a sorry look and walked out of the hall. I turned to Zachary. "Are you sure you don't want to go with him?" I tried again. "Yes!" "Fine...let's go to sleep." I pulled him with me and we headed for my chambers. We walked in and I lit up the fire torches before laying the bed properly and beckoning for him to come to me. He did as I told and crawled into the bed with me. "I'll go change, wait for mum here, okay?" He nodded happily while laying on his sides. I walked to the shielded corner of the room and took off the heavy dress before putting on something lighter that reached my knees. I then returned to him on the bed and crawled onto it, heart beating at the way he stared at me with adoring eyes. I melted under his open scrutiny even if the look wasn't actually for me. It wasn't for me as his mate but for me as his mother. I brushed the wandering thought off and laid on the bed with him. He instantly scuttled over to my side and laid his head on my chest, just slightly below my breast while his hands came around me to hold me by the waist. My body grew hot immediately. For how long would I keep this up? Sleeping with a grown man who is my mate without actually sleeping with him? It was torture. The urges were killing me and I wondered if he even feels the same way each time he holds me like this. "Good night mum." He whispered after he got himself properly settled. I ran my fingers through his thick mass of hair while staring at the ceiling. "Goodnight Zachary." It took a while before I was able to close my eyes to sleep even after Zachary was already in a deep sleep. I allowed sleep to take over my pain, my hurt, my fear, my stress and my urges. At least, I managed to live another day out with my mate, a clueless ten year old.