Chapter 42

• HAERA
• How could you? I was really tired of hearing those words from my wolf in my head over and over again as I pushed past the crowd at the mate bond ritual to get to my room. Away from the noise, the celebrations...away from the pain. Away from it all as if leaving there would actually do anything to numb the pain and heartbreak my heart was going through. And of course,Dezra had to make it words by growling at me about how stupid I was to just sit there and not do anything about it. But she knew. She knew there was nothing we could do about it. She knew the things that were at stake because if not considering how violent and impatient she was, she would have taken control and raged her way towards the two mates who had just finished marking each other and had left to further consummate the Union. I cringed at the word when the Alpha said it but cringed harder thinking about it myself right now. How he would sniff around her the way he sniffed around me. How his breath will feel hot on her neck. How he'll grind into her and how his sexy moans will filter in and out of her ears. How he'll whisper desperately and mindlessly into her ears because he was losing control. How he'll-- "Stop ignoring me Haera, I know you can hear me." I rolled my eyes just as I stopped in front of the door to my room, opened it and walked in. "I wish I couldn't," I grunted in reply kicking my sandals off my feet. "Seriously, aren't you supposed to disappear or something now that we don't have a mate?" "You don't mean that," she bellowed a response. I snorted, laying back on the bed, too distressed to even take my clothes off. "I guess they haven't consummated it...yet. You'll have less to say when they do." I just wanted to piss her off because I didn't want to hear anything at that moment. I wanted silence in my head even if the reality around me was anything but silent. I could hear the sound drums and songs of celebration from outside my door and it looked like it would be like that all night. "Stop trying to act tough Haera, it hurts...you should let it out." There she goes trying to act like a pacifier when it doesn't even suit her personality one bit. I didn't need a pep talk. I didn't even know what I needed at that point but silence was very much appreciated. Even if I didn't get it. I ignored her and she said nothing too as we just laid there in silence looking at the walls and the usual inscriptions on them. They only reminded me of my failure and the inevitable catastrophe that would probably before me from tonight. I'd lose everything tonight. It felt like I already lost it anyway. When it felt like an hour since the ritual with the drums and celebrations still going on and with me laying wide-eyed and staring into nothingness, I jerked up and faced the huge mirror in my room. I stood in front of it and began to take in everything on my body. My legs. My face. My skin. Everything. My hands touched everywhere, I turned around a couple of times to see every part of me. Nothing seemed amiss. "It's been an hour, they would have consummated right?" I asked Dezra. She still seemed offended by what said. I wasn't sorry for anything at that moment. "You sound like you want me gone." "Who knows? My life might be better that way," I replied coolly and she growled at me. I could have laughed at that moment to mock her but nothing about my situation was funny. Since there seemed to be nothing amiss in my body, I decided to see Dezra too. "I'm going to shift," I said before closing my eyes and letting the course of nature happen to me while I let myself sink to the back of my mind and let the wolf in me take control. After the usual snaps and cracks of bones, my eyes opened even though I was scared to look in the mirror. Nothing changed when I saw my wolf. Dezra still stood bold and tall like always with nothing amiss in her physique. "Wow..." I breathed. "If I didn't know better, I would have said we got lucky once again." I began to shift back, ignoring Dezra's comment. "I hate that word so much... and I believe it has got nothing to do with this. After all, I've always being a weird one." I was back to my normal and naked self with my clothes shredded on the floor. I jumped back on the bed still naked and resumed position, laying on my back and staring at the walls. "Maybe it's too early for something to happen yet...I might...I might wake up tomorrow and not have you anymore." My voice shook slightly as I talked. I wasn't hoping for the best and the fact that nothing has changed yet didn't do anything to calm my nerves. I might really wake up tomorrow and become weak. The fear was etched deep into me. And it wasn't something I could hide from my wolf. "Sleep Haera...let's wait for tomorrow to come before we jump into conclusions. I know you're tired of fighting. It doesn't mean you're giving up,it means you're resting to fight another day." I chuckled. Dezra really outdid herself today when usually all she preached was violence. "I'm going to believe it's the loss of our mate that's making you sound unlike yourself," I said. "Sleep Haera...and believe. When you wake up tomorrow, I'll be right here. Like I've always been." And when I opened my eyes the next day, she was really there. Her presence was the first thing I breathed in and sought out. I was scared at first, thinking she was gone. "Dezra...Dezra?" I had panicked at first, not until she replied me bratily in her usual way. . "Quit whining my name." . I couldn't have been more happy than I was that morning and I realized how I really wouldn't want to lose her. She was the only one I had. I set off to the kitchen that morning to get to my usual duties. The celebrations already died down and people were already leaving for their various packs. There was more of cleaning than any other thing but the festivity of the week long ritual was still in the air. I even overheard a few maids say they found their mates. It made me question why mine couldn't have been simple like that. Why did I have to get mated to a powerful Alpha and then get my life this messed up and complicated? "Good morning chef." The kitchen maids greeted as I entered. I don't think I'll every get used to others paying me such respect but I loved and appreciated it. "Let's get to work. What are we doing today?" "The Alpha's family breakfast as usual and oh...The head maid came around to announce a special dinner to send Alpha Zachary and the Princess off." I held back from wincing. They're leaving tomorrow and I'll be making their meals to send them off tonight. How pathetic. I assigned everyone to their various duties for the day while I tried so much not to think about the whole thing. I have Dezra. Dezra is still with me. I kept telling myself that as the night drew closer and the dreaded time came. The one thing I hated about my new duty was standing by the Alpha's Family as they eat and talk about whatnot. Maybe I wouldn't have cared if I didn't have to see my mate and another eat at the same table and act all lovey-dovey. The dinner was for the best anyway, I wouldn't have to see them again as much as it hurt to think about it. The time for the dinner had finally come and I ushered my assistants into the Alpha's Chambers with the feast we cooked up. Each step I took towards them in the dining hall felt like it took a year off my normal lifetime and since I feel this way every time like this, I must have lost a lot of years and probably left with almost nothing. We wheeled the food in while I kept my face down, bowing and showing respects to the Alpha and his family. Soft music was being played by the palace's musicians, the atmosphere was warm and the mood was festive. They were all laughing about something as I set the food down on the table with shaky hands I tried to conceal and soon began to serve. "So tell me Son-in-law, what are your plans for a better union of all packs?" It was the Alpha of my pack, directing the question at my mate. The Alpha was seated at the head of the table while his Luna sat by his side on the left. Son-in-law... It was really official. I moved over to the right side after serving the Alpha and his Luna, going towards Alpha Zachary and the Princess who were seated on that side of the table. My heart beat faster at the thought of being near my mate once again. "My plans right now run along the lines of knowing my Luna better and building a strong family. After all, a strong family calls for a strong pack." The Alpha of the Moonstone pack chuckled at the words of Alpha Zachary while princess Ilvira giggled. I cringed. "Wise words. I see you're a true family man. Then it means my daughter is safe in your hands." I was at their side right then, to serve their food when he reached for her hand from under the table and intertwined with his before raising it to the table, turning to her and beaming a smile. "Always," He said. The action made me stop there for a moment and I just stared at the way he held her hands tightly. "What are you doing? Aren't you going to serve our food?" The princess jerked me out of my riverie and I bowed apologetically, even as my eyes slightly caught Alpha Zachary's own when he looked up to see me. Somehow, I saw him tense seated beside me. I quickly spooned their food into their respective plates before walking away to stand in a corner of the room. Gennora was somewhere beside me and her eyes glinted amusingly as they met mine. I looked away instantly hoping this dinner would end quickly so I could go cry myself to sleep or something. "I'm so happy for my daughter. Usually, Ilvira picks at everything but she hasn't even said one bad thing about you...not even about the consumption which I expected her to com---" "Mother!" The Princess's horrified and embarrassed tone cut the Luna off. The Luna and the Alpha laughed heartily. Their laughter was like bullets piercing through my ears. The image of them on the bed together filtered into my head again and I tried to shake it off. I couldn't. All I wanted was to just get out of there. I was starting to feel suffocated by everything. The dinner dragged on. They made little talks and laughed heartily at some point. My eyes wandered over to Alpha Zachary's side every few seconds. He looked so happy. Smiling with his eyes crinkling and the lump of his throat bobbing. I swallowed the urge to scream because I was frustrated. I zoned out on their words until the dinner was almost over and the maids began to pack while I still stood at my corner and waited. "I should gift my son-in-law something shouldn't I?" The Alpha spoke up. "It's not important, I have the best gift right here," Alpha replied, looking at the princess once again with that adoring gaze I have come to hate and his cheesy words that were both irritating and annoying. They should be meant for me. Cheesy or not. Irritating or not. "I know but still, I can't let you leave like that, tell me... what do you want? I promise to grant you anything." Alpha Zachary chuckled again. "It's certainly not needed. You shouldn't bother." "Nonsense! There must be something you want that we have here. I'll grant anything. You just say the word." The Alpha seemed serious and that seemed to make the smile wipe off Alpha Zachary's face as the room fell into silence. The tension in the room rose a few degrees and everyone waited patiently for Alpha Zachary to say something. The suspense he threw everyone in seemed to be killing and I even feared the wouldn't have what this man was going to ask for. His eyes roamed around the room as if what he wanted was in the room with us. His steely grey eyes fell on me and I looked down immediately. I was still scared to meet his eyes after what transpired between us that night. I just wanted him to say the word and get this night over with. When I didn't feel his burning gaze on me anymore, I looked up to see his eyes already back to the table and staring at the Alpha. He had the look of someone who already knows what he wants. "Anything you say?" "Just name it." A second or two passed before his most awaited response came. "Fine." His eyes found me again and this time I couldn't look away as he his lips turned up into a sinister smirk that spoke of someone who was up to no good. He then raised a hand to point finger in my direction. No...at me. "Her. I want her."