Chapter 85

• HAERA "What if that is the case?" Reasoning with Dezra became hopeless so I chose to leave her to whatever ideas she had been fantasizing about in her wolfy head. I didn't want her to get to me. "Then I'll be disappointed in you. You left our mate because you couldn't bear the pain of what he did with Ilvira but are you any different?" Dezra growled at me. If I wasn't determined to stay adamant, I would have coiled up somewhere to cry my eyeballs out. How could she be so insensitive to my feelings when we are meant to be pals no matter what the problem may be. "How can you love someone who isn't our mate!" Dezra barked furiously. "How can you side with him when you are my wolf!" My response was quick and harsh. Two can play the game. I felt betrayed. I felt alone. No one was listening to me or how I felt even my damn wolf was fighting me for his sake. "You know I'm watching out for you, Hae-" "That isn't what you are doing. You're turning a blind eye to me and my feelings because you want to run into his arms." I yelled through our mindlink. My head was beginning to ache but I couldn't give up. "Stop being unreasonable! You are be-" "Don't tell me what to do when you aren't considering my feelings." Cutting my wolf's sentence short again, I argued angrily. "What happened to you, Haera. This isn't you. You've changed so much that I'm starting to doubt if I knew you." Dezra whispered but she fueled my anger unknowingly. "I changed? Come off it, Dezra. You changed. You weren't like this before and I understand you are doing all this because the mate bond has clouded your judgment." I gritted. "Haera do-" "Do you think Zachary's wolf fought him because of us? Do you think his wolf pushed him to us when he was deriving pleasure from Ilvira? Of course not. They were certainly in it together but here you are fighting for those who completely ignored us." Dezra tried to reply to my outburst but I blocked her out of my head and my mind before she could. If she wasn't ready to hear me out then I wouldn't waste my efforts. If only someone was willing to see the situation from my perspective. I'm not heartless nor am I emotionless. My actions are to- "Haera." My momma's voice called out to me as she entered my chambers. She opened her arms to hug me and I gladly walked into them. It was certain that my momma would understand me unlike everyone else. "Your father would have come in with me but he had some pending duties to perform. We heard about Alpha Zachary and we wanted to check if you are holding up alright." My momma said as we sat on my bed with her hands holding mine. "I'm fine, momma. You don't need to worry." Placing my head on her lap, I assured her. I sensed her relaxation as soon as I said that, letting go of her concern for me. My momma caressed my head and I loosened up under her touch. Why would I want to leave her just to go back to a man who doesn't appreciate me? "What have you decided to do, sweetheart?" Momma inquired. Although she didn't intentionally reveal her mixed feelings to me, I didn't miss it. It was right there and it was all I needed to make up my mind. "It wasn't a tough choice, momma. I'm not leaving. Why would I leave when you are here?" I moved my head closer to her stomach and wrapped my hand around her as I gave her my answer. My momma inhaled loudly which made me assume she was stunned by my decision. "But you have to go back to your mate. He needs you." My papa used those words to announce his presence. I was close to arguing with him but his facial expression made me swallow my words. He was tired yet he created time to be my father. Dezra nudged at the wall between our minds, trying to join the conversation but I didn't allow it. "He doesn't need me, Papa, and if he does, I don't care." I said in a nonchalant manner even though something in me twisted painfully as I declared. I thought I'd receive the same pampering that I usually get from my father but he didn't hide his annoyance. "What do you mean by you don't care, Haera. You want him dead?" Walking closer to my bed, papa questioned. He had never used such a tone with me before or was I imagining it? At that point, I'd had enough from Dezra so I didn't want to be subjected to listening to another argument in Zachary's favour. "Of course I do not wish death upon him. Preferring to stay with my parents shouldn't be causing so much ruckus. I just don't want to go." The peace I was enjoying from my momma's touch was ousted only to be replaced by uncertainty and a need to be understood even if I was doing something wrong. Somebody has to understand my perspective. "You'll go to your mate, Haera." My papa didn't seem to be having this conversation with me as a parent as he ordered, coming off as an Alpha. "You're ordering me to go back to a man who broke me? A man who punished me for crimes I didn't commit just to make his fake mate happy! I had thought you'd support me but you've chosen to be an Alpha instead of a father!" I stared at my father as I voiced out my feelings. His expression didn't change despite the pain in my tone. "Haera. Your father is simply worried about you. We're scared of what you'll become if Alpha Zachary loses his life. No parents want to see their child bearing the pain of losing a mate." Momma said softly which was different from the manner my father had spoken to me yet I flipped unreasonably and with a little touch of anger bubbling within me. "No momma, Papa just doesn't want me here anymore. I must have disappointed him as a daughter for him to be pushing me away against my will-" "That isn't the case, Nami-" "I might as well reject your beloved Alpha as my mate because I'm done and I'm tired of having my life thrown in jeopardy every time he shows up." It was rude but I cut my papa off, informing him and my momma about my latest decision. I've to reject Zachary. "That'll be a terrible mistake on your part, my darling. Don't do that." Momma whispered, trying to calm my father, and I but the hot Alpha blood flowing through our veins was making both of us stubborn. "You know I'm doing this for you, Namia." He was frustrated when he said that but instead of crying like I wanted to, I turned a deaf ear to my father's statement. "I'm sorry but I choose to be selfish. If you'll excuse me." I uttered before leaving my chambers without saying another word to my parents. They were certainly stunned by my attitude but I didn't want to break down in their presence if they weren't planning to support me. This Is what Zachary always does to me. We had some beautiful memories together but the painful ones didn't let me think of them. It was hard for me too. Why was no one seeing that? Did they think the choice I made was easy for me? My decision wasn't easy and the painful jab in my heart was an evidence of that. Naturally, I'm being compelled to go back to Zachary because the thought of his death was like my own death. The mate bond was making sure that I regret my selfishness and yet no one was thinking of me. They all wanted to save my mate at the cost of my happiness. "Will you reject him?" My wall crumbled as tears rolled down my cheeks, giving Dezra the chance to chip in her fear. "Yes, I must reject him." I answered. "That's extreme, Haera. Rejecting one's mate comes with a huge price which you aren't supposed to pay. You might lose me if you reject Zachary." Dezra expressed her concern, reminding me of what I would go through if I proceed with my plans. Losing Dezra wasn't an option even though she fought me, she was still an important part of me that I never want to give up on, not for anyone. I didn't respond to my wolf as I walked aimlessly into my momma's garden. The smell of fresh flowers should be able to calm the raging storm in my head. I barely had the time to lay on my back to enjoy the beauty of the sky while I was surrounded by flowers when Basil appeared beside me. I was done looking for someone to understand me so I didn't say a word to him as he also lay on his back, looking at the sky together with me. "Beautiful sky." The man I had been avoiding breathed. "What do you want? Are you here to taunt me again? Well, just so you know, I'm not in the mood for that." I asked Basil for his intentions, expecting him to start ranting about how I assaulted him and still made him feel like it was his fault by avoiding him like a plague but his response wasn't the expected. "I'm here as your friend because I can sense you need one right now." My head turned to him immediately after he said those words to me. He didn't turn his gaze from the sky so I was left to stare at the side of his face. Did he just say that? Basil could be pulling my legs again but I hoped he wasn't being truthful this time. I really did need a friend who wouldn't take Zachary's side just because he was unconscious. Guilt overwhelmed me when I finally realized Basil was being honest. I didn't deserve his friendship, not after I chose to avoid him for days after a kiss that I initiated. My apology was sent back when Basil began to speak again. "I heard the Beta of the Imperial Pack is here to take you back to your mate." Basil stated like I didn't already know that fact. He was being straightforward and blunt just the way I liked it but this time I wanted to cower away from his interrogation. "Like I'm a sack of potatoes that don't have a say in where I want to be." I began to say, relaxing once again and returning my eyes to the sky with the wish that Basil wouldn't lecture me as others had done. "Ouuu. That's rude." Basil murmured, making an irritated face at me when he finally turned his face towards my stunned one. "Did you just take my side?" Shock could be heard clearly along with my question. "Who else would I support? If he thought you would go with him then he's terribly wrong. I know you to be strong-willed which some might call stubbornness but I see the determination in those eyes of yours each time you tell me your duties and goals." My mouth hung wide open as Basil asserted. It was unbelievable that someone was finally hearing me out and thinking about me. Basil's captivating eyes bore into my face as he waited for my response. "You're amazing!" I gleefully hugged him and I felt his body tense under my touch. I quickly retracted my hand, apologizing immediately but Basil began to laugh. "What's funny, You moron." Smacking his shoulder, I yelled at Basil. It was so good to finally be able to laugh with him. The excitement I felt to have him taking my side was euphoric. "So tell me, what have you decided to do?" My best buddy asked. Yes, I had elevated Basil's status in my life. I couldn't blame Dezra for accusing me of loving this man because if I was to be sincere then I would confirm my wolf's suspicion. I loved Basil but it wasn't a sexual love. "I don't want to leave." I answered, sitting up and averting my eyes from the sky and Basil. The vulnerability was setting in against me. "Then don't go." His response was simple but it held so much assurance for me which almost made me cry. Who wouldn't love this man? "My parents want me to go back with the excuse that they are looking out for me. Even my wolf isn't agreeing with me." My complaint might have sounded stupid but I was affected by them. Basil and I began to discuss how people tend to belittle others' emotions all in the name of "worried about you". I think Basil and I made a good team. "But Haera, you know your parents are truly worried about you, right? Letting you go after getting you back must be hard on them but they are being selfless for you to find happiness." Basil said to me. "But my happiness isn't with Zachary. All he does is hurt me." I confided. I could feel bitter bile growing in my throat. "You think so now until you lose him. Remember what my father became after he lost my mom? Try to picture one of your parents without the other. Can you see the misery that would cause each of them?" Basil engraved into my head. He wasn't telling me what to do but he was showing me what would happen if I choose to be without Zachary and what will become of me if I reject him like I planned. "I'll implore you to think thoroughly before you make rash decisions under the influence of the hurt you carry in your heart. Trust me to support whatever you decide to do even if I don't like it." He added affectionately. Basil held my hands as I contemplated without having to listen to anyone but myself. I didn't want to lose my wolf because of my mate and I didn't desire to carry the pain of losing either of them for the rest of my life. I should give him a chance. If going back to the imperial pack would bring him back to life then I should probably do that. For Dezra's sake. I also felt bad for rudely talking to my parents...they must be disappointed in me. I had to make things right and I planned to start on the spot. "Apologies for kissing you and acting like a clown afterward." Basil laughed at me and my overdue apology. "I don't blame you, Haera. It's my fault for being this charming and irresistible." He cooed, gesturing to his body to emphasize his crazy but honest self-praise. Basil was a sweet but silly man and I loved him more instantly. It was time to go back....to my parents.