Chapter 39

• HAERA. I was going to die. If he held on to me too tightly as he did now, with his eyes whirling with unspoken rage. I could really die. It was how quick my head switched from whirling with uncontained shock at what we were doing to the whirling sound of a danger I should run far away from but it was too late. He was gripping me by the throat. I felt my lungs tighten and almost dry up at how held me. He was big and powerful enough to hold me up against the wall with just a single hand of his and I fought with my own hands against that single hand but be wasn't having it. I felt tears well up in my eyes and clouded my vision. "What did you do you me?" He growled again. I couldn't talk and it wasn't only because he had his hand held to my throat so tightly alone. It was because I didn't know want to say in response. My brain went numb. What did I come in here to do before I got in bed with him? What were the words I planned to say to him.? How exactly did I plan to convince him that he was being deceived with spells and whatnot? All those flew out the window with our intense moment. "I--let me--" I coughed out miserably. Even if I didn't know what to say yet, I at least had to get this hand off my throat before I start explaining myself to him. "Le.t...let me go." I coughed out again grasping him tightly on the hand that held me to the wall. His hand slowly softened on my throat but he didn't let it go. His eyes held a warning and threat and when he looked back at me. "Start talking." He said. I gasped for air at the little opening I got to do so. My burning lungs healed up a little and I knew that my neck probably has the imprint or his palm and it must have covered the red spot he was supposed to mark. What would have happened if he had gone through marking me and claiming me as his mate? What would he have done after that? Would he have held me to the wall so threateningly the way he did now? Would he have accepted me as his mate instead of looking at me like I had a death wish? The way he was looking at me right then. For all I cared, it would have been the perfect execution of my plan. If not the most perfect. Because it meant that mate bond ritual wouldn't hold and he wouldn't claim another. But now I wasn't so sure anymore. "I want to hear you talking or I swear by the moon goddess, I'll slit your throat right now. What the hell did you do to me? What did we just do." "You don't recognize me?" I mouthed out. Not just because of my eyes or anything worth remembering from the night we met but even from the times he was at dinner with the Family of the Aloha. The times his eyes locked with mine briefly and then looking away like they never did. The way our eyes met randomly and unintentionally from across the dining table to each other. Surely he must remember the Young maid who was appointed a chef in front of him. Did he not not pay attention to any of those stuffs like I thought? It seemed like my question only annoyed him the more and I lost another swiff of air as his hands pressed closer to my throat again. "Am I supposed to? You sneaked into my room smelling like her and I'm supposed to care about who you are instead of killing you on the spot for impersonating her." I now realized how I hated the sound of him saying I smelt like her earlier and when he said it again, anger surged through me. "I don't smell like her! She's the one who's smelling like me for reasons I'm not so sure of and in ways I'm not so sure about either!" I countered. "You're one to talk back at me when I can kill you right here and now." "Go ahead! Kill me. I'm not doing anything wrong. Can't you feel it? Can't you feel how crazy our scents drive each other? How mad and out of control it drives us?" I said trying to patronize him. Hoping he thinks of what just transpired between us. "I don't know how you did it...I don't know how you've been doing it... you're driving me crazy." I blinked once and then twice as I absorbed his words. "How I've been doing it? Have you---have you noticed?" I asked him. I don't even know why we were both patient to ask each other questions when he was obviously going crazy with anger. But I really had to ask him. His statement made it sound like this really wasn't the first time he has noticed me. Why was he trying so hard to hide it then? Why was he trying to hard to mask the fact that he was drawn to me? Has he ever even thought of the possibility that I was his mate and not the princess? His eyes whirled with uncertainty but suddenly turned stormy again. "I don't have time for this. I don't know what you're doing and why you're here but the only reason I haven't slitted your throat for making me derive pleasure from you when it should be from my---* "Is because you're confused?". I chipped in. That earned me a squeeze on my throat. "No" He said between gritted teeth. I could tell he was lying. "It's because you're an important maid at this pack. Leave now. Before I change my mind." Was he really just going to let me to like that? How could he let me go after what transpired between us? He looked really confused, like he was battling an inner turmoil. I knew it was because of the scent. A single scent coming from two different people. It could be confusing. And it was all the Princess's fault. He released the rest of his grip on me, making me slump to the floor and making me gasp for air after that. He turned his back to me. As if giving me the chance to turn away right then before he changed his mind. I wondered what changing his mind would be...to kill me or to mark me. I couldn't leave like that. I had to do something. "I told you to leave. The only reason you're still alive--" "Is because I'm an important maid... bullshit. Stop trying to justify the fact that you're confused and conflicted within you." I spat. He turned around to face me with an hardened expression gracing his handsome features. I returned a there-i-said-it-do-whatever-you-want defiant look. He stalked closer to me as if he was going to grab me again. I closed my eyes in anticipation for that but nothing came. When I opened my eyes, he was in front of me. Looking at me with a look I can't decipher in his eyes. I could tell how conflicted he was. How he was hurting. And for some reason, looking into those eyes told me this wasn't the first time he felt like that. Since when has he started feeling like that? Was that reason for his silence at every dinner? His eyes looked deep into mine and I saw familiarity flash inside of them. "Your eyes... they're... they're..." He trailed off again. I scooted closer to him and raised my hand up to touch his face slowly with caution. I couldn't help myself because I could feel the turmoil my mate was in. The turmoil the princess put him in. His face relaxed in my hand. "Why does this feel this so good? So right it should be wrong. One second I'm chasing you out and the next I want to keep you locked her forever." He whispered breathlessly. "Why do I feel my whole world toppling over because I'm with you? I've never... I've never felt this way with her before. You feel pure... pure and feel like mine. Mine to claim." "It's cause I am." That made his eyes shoot up. "I belong to the Princess. She's my mate. This... whatever it is between us is as bad as it is no matter how good it feels." Does he think all these was just sexual attraction between two people? "No...it's cause I'm your mate!" I blurted unable to hold it together anymore. His face jerked away form the warmth of my hand as his brow furrowed. He shifted back a bit. I tried to shift closer. "I'm your mate! Don't you get it? This isn't happening because you're crazily attracted to me. I don't know how long you have been thinking that way but that's not the truth...I don't know what the princess did. It has to do with witches and spells and I honestly have no idea but I know---" " Stop it! It's bad enough that we're doing this behind her back. Witches? Spells?" He scoffed then continued "Stop making it so obvious that you're trying yo steal me away from her!" I gasped and I've never felt more angry. I'm the one who was wronged. I'm the one who had him get stolen away from me. "No! She's the one who stole you from me. I'm your mate... can't you feel how strongly we both get pulled into each other? The scent? Can't you fe--" "You should leave." He said curtly. "What?" "Leave while I'm asking nicely. I never expected you to come find me yourself. I was already going crazy on my own to go find you and ask why I felt so drawn to you. I've been holding back because of infidelity against my mate as because I don't want to be like my fath---" He paused...like he was saying too much before looking back at me again. "I don't understand what your aim is and why you're trying to trick me--" "I'm not trying to trick you---i--" "Leave...I'm just going to assume you are low class maid who wants to use this opportunity to climb up the social ladder." He said and that was what did it for me. Is that what he thought of me? Tears stung my eyes at the many different ways in which today spiraled right out of my control. I never expected all what happened but it doesn't matter what happened between us. I failed. I failed to convince him and that was my only chance at stopping the Mate bond ritual. He turned his back to me like he was going to pretend he didn't see me leave. Like he was going to pretend what happened between us just didn't happen. The signs were right before his eyes... everywhere in bits and pieces but he wasn't going to believe it? Seeing that there really was nothing more I could do to convince him. I rushed out of the room and into the hallway where I tried to muffle my tears as well my the sound of me padding across the hallway to get out of there fast enough like it suffocated me. I rushed past Alan who must have heard me coming out. He opened his mouth to say something but I didn't wait to hear it. I rushed past the guards outside the door and into my room that was beside the Alpha Chambers. Once I closed the door beside me, I slumped down on it and to the floor as the tears began to pour down on torrents. He called me low class even after he told me he cared less about who I was that night. I looked at the walls all around me with the inscriptions on them that I have grown to love looking at so much because they feel like I'm looking at Balfour. Like he was all around me. "I failed, Balfour." I cried I failed to win my mate back to me.