Chapter 58

• Leave Now
• ALPHA ZACHARY. It feels like it was just yesterday when my mate suddenly blurted out the possiblity of something that I never thought would come so early and never prepared for. It feels like it was just yesterday because it really was just yesterday snd both I and my wolf were still unable to wrap our heads around how to feel or which of the many emotions we felt, suited well as a response to my mate's guess. Ilvira could really be pregnant. I marvelled at how peacefully she was able to sleep in my arms yesterday night after saying those words that seemed like they toppled my life over. When I started sensing an entirely different scent from the one I already grew to know,I just thought there could be a logical explanation for it and almost even blamed my in-depth attraction to Haera because her scent got stronger and more pure by the second and I never even planned to let it out the way I did the night before. It was a way to defend myself and shoo me away from ilvira's questioning me about my frequent visits to somewhere outside of my Chambers. I never thought it would come to this and honestly, I didn't know how to feel about it. My mate could be pregnant, the common and expected emotion should be happiness from the thought of having a heir to carry on the bloodline of the Alpha but what I felt was something that seemed like a mix between happiness, uncertainty,doubt and maybe guilt. All of the emotions weighed be down and I tried so hard to find a common ground between all of them. I tried separating the ones that were mine from Serge's own because our emotions were sometimes conflicting but it seemed like Serge was more confused than I was. Yesterday when Ilvira laid to sleep after I took her roughly on my bed and after she mentioned the pregnancy, Serge who went quiet when she first said it had suddenly invaded my own confused thoughts. My response to Ilvira had been for her to go to sleep and that we would really confirm if she was pregnant, the next day. "It's strange though...I didn't–we didn't sense it." Serge had said and I identified uncertainty immediately as one of Serge's emotions that I shared with him regarding the supposed pregnancy. Just like Serge said, I didn't sense anything. Male wolves had a lot of abilities compared to female ones and of the them is the ability to sense it when our mates conceive our pups inside of them. During times like that, they lose their own natural scent which we have grown accustomed to and take on another which is simply the mixture of the unborn pup as well as theirs. Serge and I have noticed the change in our mate's scents for days now but funny how none of us thought of the possibility of her being pregnant with my child. It was the only logical reason for the change in her scent. If that was the case, why couldn't I sense it? Why did she have to notice it herself before I ever even thought of it? When I thought long and hard about it, I realized I could have been distracted. Too distracted to notice the changes in my mate or sense her being pregnant with my child because I was hung up on the anger I felt at the growing relationship between Haera and my brother. Guilt. I concluded that that particular emotion was mine and I felt really guilty for paying more attention to a maid and a palace guard instead of paying attention to my mate. Guilt that even with my unborn child, I was already a terrible father–something I never thought I'd become after swearing to myself that I would never be like my father. I think fear was there too and it was also mine. I owned up to most of the emotions driving both and Serge crazy. The fear that I was fast becoming what I swore I'd never become was part of the things driving me crazy. The excitement Ilvira felt when she woke up this morning was even more gut-wrenching for me. Serge has been quiet and observing like he always does. It annoyed me that he is never really there when I actually need him but is always the first to condemn my actions when I don't need his opinion. "Serge, where are you when I need you most?" I've been battling with the feeling all by myself since I woke up this morning. I was currently in front of the mirror in my room, putting the finishing touches to my clothes so I could meet Ilvira at the dining hall for breakfast. I honestly wasn't looking forward to it for a lot of reasons but I had to be there unless I have a perfect explanation to give for wanting to skip breakfast. It's in times like this that I wish I had Alpha duties to attend to outside of the pack. Ilvira woke me up with an excited kiss this morning and with her mouth wrapped around my shaft, pleasuring me before the sun even rose properly above our heads. And then I couldn't resist the urge to make love to her again. She went on and on about how she was excited to have my heir inside of her and how handsome he would look if he was a boy and if he was anything like me. She seemed so happy at the thought of something we haven't even confirmed yet but I didn't want to ruin it for her and so I just let her show her excitement as she wished and she went ahead of me to have breakfast with all the giddiness of a child. "I'm trying to think okay? I'm just as confused as you are." He snorted irritably. I snorted at him in return. "What's there to be confused about? Our mate is pregnant and yet I don't see either of us showing any form of excitement." "Hey! speak for yourself. You doubt everything about her and go sneaking behind her back to see another woman but now you suddenly feel guilty and doubtless because she could be pregnant and you can't think straight because of that?" I didn't like Serge outrightly calling me out on my shit but I wasn't going to let him have the last word too. I was already done dressing myself up and walking to the dining hall with Alan dutifully walking behind me while I argued in the mind-link with my Wolf. "That's exactly why I don't want to doubt Ilvira now,Serge, I'm guilty of a lot of things and she deserves better than that. I do not want to doubt her. Even if she's not really pregnant, we'll just wait around to find out." He said nothing in return. "You've always been an advocate for her but now you suddenly don't believe her? I thought I was the only one getting sidetracked by the chef." I scoffed just as I stepped into the dining hall and my eyes immediately caught Haera's small figure leaning over the large table with a covered dish in her hands that she settled on top of the table before moving away to stand in line with the other maids. Her eyes caught mine as soon as she raised her head in my direction. The defiant look in those Amber eyes made me bunch my hands into a fist. How dare she disrespect me that way? I've been itching to hit something–anything since the argument we had yesterday and I only forgot how disrespectful she was to me for a while after what Ilvira said. Looking at her now made me remember every single detail, every single movement of her lips as she hurled me with words that felt like stone. And it was clear in her eyes that she had no remorse for what she did. She looked away just as soon our eyes locked before bowing slightly to me. The others noticed my presence too and did the same while I took that as my cue to stop standing there and staring at her like a moron. Even as I walked to my seat, bits of her words replayed in my head like a broken record. She had to be punished. There's no way I'm going to let her get away with that. What did I do wrong by wanting her away from Tybalt? Was I really being possessive? "I don't know if you've noticed but the chef is the least of your problems now." Serge butted in. My anger must be so glaring without having to say a word. Haera was now by my side on the table, serving my food into a plate, her scent even more stronger from that angle. I sensed no fear. No nervousness. No excitement. Her confidence unnerved me so much that I was fighting back the urge risk it all and his grab her and then–I don't even know how to punish her. Serge was wrong. Haera was at the head of all of my problems. Once she was done serving my food, she bowed and made to leave but from under the table, I grabbed the Hem of her dress tightly on impulse. Still bowing face down, her body grew rigid and she gasped silently. I didn't know why I did it but I knew she wouldn't dare make a sound or make it known that I had my fist wrapped tightly around dress. She knew better than to get herself into such a complicated situation. After all, I was the Alpha and I would be believed over a mere maid. It's my word over hers. Petty, I know but she brings out the craziest emotions out of me. "Alpha, is everything okay?" Ilvira's voice called on my right since Haera was standing on the left side. She looked at me worriedly before looking up at Haera with a displeasing frown. "Did she do something now?" Haera snapped her head up, her eyes hard and glossy. She was holding back tears of anger. I smelled fear and nervousness even if it thawed at my heart but right then ,I wanted to be want she saw me as. An egoistic and possessive Alpha. When our eyes locked, I sent a message with my eyes that I knew she wouldn't find hard to interpret. You wait and see... With that done, I let go of her dress sharply and she stepped away from me. I turned to my Luna and feigned a sweet smile. "No." Ilvira returned one of her own before sending a glare, Haera's way. It's no news that my mate didn't like the maid and that alone complicates a lot of things. I ignored it and just settled to begin eating. Haera left my side and moved over to her usual position with the other girls. Tasting her food made me feel only furious as much as it was delicious. She made special treats for Tybalt like he was something special and then bring me this? She was my chef, how could she cook for another? Yet, I couldn't even say it out loud because I might also have to explain to my mate how the heck I found out that the chef cooks by midnight,the very time I shouldn't be outside but in bed with her. I ate my food in silence and fury. Out of spite and the fact that I just couldn't find my appetite with my thoughts of her and Tybalt, I dropped my spoon heavily on the plate. I was done eating whatever she made. "Clean it up." I ordered and one of the other kitchen maids came running. I stopped her before she even reached me and then pointed at Haera who had look of dread in her eyes. "You. Come clean it up." I said again and she hesitated for only a second before rushing over to my side. I was sure the plate of barely eaten food broke her heart when I have always cleared her plate. Her hands shook as she began to clear the side dishes and the major ones. "Alpha, my dear, is there a reason why you failed to finish your food?" Ilvira asked "It's bland." I was taking it far. I was doing too much. But I couldn't stop. I knew what blinded me but I wasn't going to accept it. "How can you be jealous in this situation?" Ilvira shook her head and pushed her plates aside too. "She was never a good cook anyway." I could slowly feel Haera's resolve breaking beside me. "Alpha, I have a request to make. I wanted to put it off till after breakfast but since it's over do quickly, I would like to bring it to your notice now." I nodded for Ilvira to go ahead with be request. "I've been thinking about it for a while but considering the recent discovery, I think now is the perfect time to say it. I want to have my Pack's head maid by my side." I was confused at first as I stared at her. "Your pack? This is your pack Ilvira and the maids are at your beck and call as their Luna." "My mistake Alpha, pardon me. I want Gennora of the Moonstone pack by my side." Haera's body tensed beside me just as her hands stilled on a plate. "Why?" I asked slowly. "It's no news that Gennora practically raised me as a pup till this very moment and I have missed her ministrations so much. If I really am pregnant Alpha, I would want her by my side." Haera's body wasn't the only one that tensed after ilvira's final words. Mine went rigid on my seat and I felt myself pale. The room fell into silence and movements of dishes stopped Ilvira just announced the possiblity of her being pregnant to everyone including the very person whose presence was still driving me nuts. It took the loud crash of a plate to the floor for me to jerk out of my rigid state. "That Insolent brat!" Ilvira spat. It could only be one person. I slowly turned my head around to see Haera on the floor trying to pick of the pieces of the plate she broke possibly out of shock. What I didn't know was what news actually shocked her and why it did. With shaky hands, she picked up the broken pieces and I feared they would cut her. I wanted to stop her from picking then up with her bare fingers yet there was nothing I could do. I suppressed the urge so much. All of the maids, including the headmaid rushed forward and bowed in apology. With hands full of sharp pieces of broken ceramic, Haera stood and bowed as well. "I'm so sorry Alpha...I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I will clean this mess up. I'm so sorry" She rambled her apology on and on while Ilvira lashed out at her. I blocked ilvira's words out and thought of how the weight of those words must hurt Haera. "Leave. Now." And she did, turning around and walking away as fast as she could, out of the dining hall. As I watched her leave, my thoughts were on how much the view of her walking away from me hurts. Just like it did, yesterday.