Chapter 86

• HAERA. The Imperial pack. That's where I was bound for early the next morning after sorting things out at my pack. I was riding back in the same carriage that carried me out of the Imperial pack as a maid and then to my pack as a princess. Honestly, it's hard to tell what feelings I left with or the reason I even left in the first place. Was it because of my discussion with Basil? Or my argument with my wolf who I haven't even fully made up with yet? Or maybe the late night discussion I had with my parents after the discussion with Basil. It had really taken a lot for me to go back to my parents to tender an apology for reacting that way to them. I literally dragged my legs over to their chambers. My mother's face hadn't held any form of surprise when she saw me by the door of their chambers. She had welcomed me with a big smile and a hug as if she had expected me to come to her. "It's okay my dear daughter. I really understand how you feel, believe me, I'd be mad too if I was the one who went through the same thing you did." My mother had said after I apologized for reacting the way I did when they were only looking out for me. "But I wouldn't sit still either and watch you harm yourself or live the rest of your days in pain because you lost the one destined for you. I know you're being selfish, you deserve to be but going to see him is a form of selfishness as well. If you are doing all of these for yourself then see this one as also doing it for yourself because you don't want to live in pain for the rest of your life and then maybe you can find peace within yourself. Tell yourself it's all for you and I'm sure you will know where to go from there." Every word my mum said stuck to me tightly.I had wrapped her in a big hug again, thanking her for understanding me so well. My father had heard the whole thing but he remained in his corner of the room as if my interactions with his Luna didn't matter to him. I had to snuggle into him and crack jokes for me to get through his cold and angry countenance. "You really are my daughter after all. You're every bit as stubborn as I am." He had commented gruffly and it only made me snuggle more into his warmth. Right there and then, I made my decision. The night had ended with me going to my chambers and summoning Alan who was still lurking around my pack, obviously waiting with the hope that I would change my mind and come with him. He had rushed into my chambers mere moments after I sent for him with his eyes hopeful and pleading. "I will go with you...but I won't stay. Just take this as me going to see things for myself and I shall return here as soon as I see him." Alan had readily accepted and thanked me before leaving my chambers. And well...here I was, on my way to the Imperial pack, unsure of the things I would encounter and what I would do. "You're still mad at me? I'm doing what you asked of me nowaren't I?" I directed at my wolf. "Yeah...half-heartedly." Dezra snorted at me. It was very obvious that she was still mad at me. I snorted back in return, she could keep being angry for all I care. "Half-heartedly or not, I'm doing it anyway. You know what? Forget I said anything." And she did forget because she didn't say anything anymore while I reminisced about my last moments at my pack. It was so hard to say goodbye to my parents and Basil and their parting words still remains etched in my mind; my backbones to hold me up and survive whatever I was going to meet. My parents really went out of their way to make sure I feel comfortable and satisfied about leaving. My mother packed me so much food items and clothes while my father made sure I was guarded by the elite members of his army all the way to the Imperial pack. For some reason, their attempt to make me feel comfortable made me feel uncomfortable. It felt like they packed so much-did so much like I wasn't going to come back to them. I will go back to them. No matter what it takes. "We are here." Alan's voice announced from outside the carriage since he had insisted on riding the carriage with me in it himself while my father's guards walked ahead and behind us with their own horses. The journey suddenly seemed to me like the shortest after even if it takes more than an hour to get to the imperial pack from the Moonstone pack. I sat motionless in the carriage, totally unprepared and not ready to get off from the carriage. Should I just sit here for one more hour to collect my thoughts? The Carriage door opened to reveal and overly excited Alan. He bowed and I sighed. There goes my plan to sit and collect my thoughts. I stood to get off from the carriage and Alan was quick to stand in front of me, right by the entrance of the carriage where he held out his hand to help me get down safely from the carriage. I took his extended hand and let myself freely get off the Carriage, adjusting my dress after, while Alan took out my things and closed the carriage. I looked around the large expanse of land that was covered with buildings that make up the palace of the Alpha. A nostalgic feeling hit me just at the feeling of deja-vu set in. The feelings stemmed from the two different times I arrived at the pack like this. Both, as a maid. But now, even as a Princess, one with red hot Alpha blood flowing through my veins, nothing has changed. Not the feelings. Not the thoughts and definitely not the place. It was just like the two other times when my feelings weren't even fully settled and I couldn't point at what exactly I was feeling on the two different occasions. The feelings had made me nauseous and it wasn't any different this time either. It made fear rise inside of me before I could curb it and send it back into the darkness it crawled out from. I wasn't happy on both times I came here. I wasn't sad either. At least that much emotions was clear to me but I didn't enjoy myself on both times either. If anything, I left broken and totally out of it. My stay on both times didn't bring me any joy that was worth looking forward too the third time. It's why the fear had me in its clutches. Because I was afraid the same thing would happen again. What if I leave broken again? What if I relieve the same experiences all over again? What if I get too broken and don't survive this time around? "God! You're over-thinking this!" Dezra whined. "I thought you didn't want to talk to me." "I never said that . Besides I only said that out loud because you thinking is making my head hurt and my little cramped space too hot for me to stay in." I didn't get to hurl my own comeback at Dezra because up ahead, I saw that familiar peach uniform of the maids of at the Imperial pack peeking out in twos and threes and coming towards the carriage where Alan seemed to be having trouble arranging the things I brought with me. The maids, six of them, came to stand in front of me and bowed to me. "Welcome princ-Luna...we shall take your things." The one who looked the oldest of all six girls said. I was stunned. Well, that's a different experience from the other two times that I should note. I was distracted by the difference in events that my brain completely sidetracked what she called me. "Wait...Luna?" I said, stopping their movements because each of them already grabbed what they could carry and were already headed in the direction of the inner parts of the palace. They all turned to look at me and I could swear the confusion in their eyes was glaring than the one my face probably held. Alan stepped in after seconds of awkward silence. "It's nothing. They are only doing their job. They are obliged to refer to you as their Luna." Oh it was something. Because I saw the nervousness in Alan's gestures and because I wasn't their Luna. I wasn't crowned yet and not even planning on it. Everyone probably knew what happened and my sudden change in status but the switch shouldn't be this fast, should it? I let it go-both the fact that Alan must have gone spreading it around for them to refer to me as the Luna upon my arrival and the fact that I knew I wasn't here to play house. The maids all left after Alan ordered for them to take the things to their assigned places. I couldn't help but wonder where my clothes were going to. "Do you want to wash up and rest or..." Alan trailed off. He was trying to show courtesy to a guest but his eyes said the opposite. He didn't want me to wash up or rest. He wanted me to go to his Alpha. He was lucky I was ready to get it over with as well. "Take me to him." I said simply. Alan nodded. "Shall we?" He led the way while I followed through the familiar path that led to the Alpha's chamber. Every step I took reminded me of my time here. Passing through the kitchen brought memories, the good ones and the unwarranted ones. The whole palace was a huge chunk of my memory in itself. I tried to take my mind off of the memories and took careful steps as I followed Alan. The closer we got to the Alpha's chambers, the harder my heart pounded on my ribcage. I couldn't picture my mate. I didn't want to picture him. If it's fear I'm feeling, it's definitely my Wolf's emotion and not mine. Alan finally took a stop in front of the room of the Alpha where I suppose he was at. He then turned to me as if waiting for the orders to go in and also for me to get myself together before we step into the room. I nodded for him to open the door after I took in steady breaths that I plan to release just in case I go out of air when I see my mate, knocked out on the bed and looking pale with-- Shit. Dummy. I was picturing him when I told myself I wasn't going to. I urged Alan to push the door open, the faster we go in, the faster I get the thoughts of him out of my mind. The atmosphere was cold and chilly when we went into the room. There were fire torches lining the walls but they still didn't provide enough warmth. I shivered slightly from the cold and from the realization that the cold air was as a result of the supposed comatose state of the Alpha. How bad was it? I was about to find out anyway. I already saw from the distance of the door, his hand laying on his side on the bed. It was the only thing I saw yet it gave me more shivers than the cold room has given since I stepped in. From the same distance,I would have seen the rest of him, at least from his head to his middle parts but Alan and I weren't the only one in the room. A man with slightly bent back from what was probably old age, stood by the bed, his body unintentionally shielding the Alpha's face as he tended to him. He turned around mere seconds after we were fully in the room and his gaze settled on Alan first. "You have arrived." the man stated the obvious. Alan bowed in respect to the man's old age and probably because of the white amulet hanging around the old man's frail neck, a symbol of something worth respecting. The Pack's physician. Sure. He was bound to be there. His warm gaze left Alan and fell on me. They seemed to turn cold on seeing me but despite how cold, it didn't feel like he didn't want me there. Was it disappointment? Why? "You were able to get her to come." the man said gruffly. I knew right then. The reason he had that look in his eyes. It made me want to scoff and disrespect the freaking amulet around his neck but I chose my next and first words to him carefully. "He didn't get me to come. I came out of my own freewill. I do hope you understand what that means." I wasn't rude and I wasn't respectful either. How dare he give me cold shoulders because I chose to leave the Alpha and go back to my pack. Who was he to judge me? The man said nothing but it was certain he got the message. He cleared his throat and moved his bent body away from the Alpha to give me enough space to see him. My eyes settled on the unmoving body on the bed and I trudged forward...slowly. Until I was in front of him and seeing someone who looked like the shadow of my mate. Dezra suppressed a howl of pain while I sensed discomfort and worry spread through him. I was looking at him yet I couldn't believe my eyes. I never thought I'd see him this way. Vulnerable. Helpless. Sick. He was pale all over and his lips were blue from the cold aura he emitted from his own body. The cold hit harder now that I was close to him. How could he let this happen to him? How could he... "How long...how long has he been like this?" I croaked. "Following the consecutive full moons in the past days, I'd say it's been a week." The physician answered. My mate has been vulnerable for a week. He has been prone to more danger in his deep sleep state for a week. I didn't know about this for a week. "Why is he not waking up? Are the treatments inadequate?" I asked again, not taking my eyes off him. I had already bent down to his face level on the bed and him being more close only made something hurt the more in my heart. "Nothing has worked. Not even our known and most effective remedies and there is nothing we can try any longer. if it persists this way, I fear the worst can happen." "What's the worst that could happen?" The physician hesitated for a second or maybe it was two. "He may never wake up again." He dropped the bombshell I was expecting but me expecting it didn't change the effect it had on me. "It's why I suggested you be brought here...after all, your absence contributed to his--" The Physician stopped short. Alan must have jerked him into silence.I had my back turned to them and my focus was on my estranged mate. What was the point anyway? I knew what he was going to say. He was going to blame me. They all think it's my fault. The physician sighed loudly. "Nothing else is going to work...your presence is the only thing we haven't tried. He-the Alpha needs you." He needs me. The Alpha needs me. My mate needs me. "You need to stay...here...with him...at the pack." The physician finally voiced my realization from the very moment I set my eyes on my mate's pale figure. The realization that I couldn't leave here...Not even if I tried.