Chapter 82

• ALPHA ZACHARY. The pain hit hard at a different frequency today and like every other day, it was hard to tell where it hurt the most or the very places that even hurt. Sometimes, it was a heart-wrenching pain in my chest that keeps me up all night and makes me lose sleep, enough for me to bury myself into work, hoping it would keep the restless away. But not the pain. Never the pain. Other times, it was Serge losing it in my head and growling severally. Times like that, I would be unstable and switch momentarily between my own consciousness and that of my wolf. While Serge left scratch marks all over the place in his wake, I broke a lot of things that have the maids shivering from their quarters feet away from my own chambers. And smelling their fear from such distance is saying something. On other days, it was just a switch in emotions. I could be smiling about something one minute and the next, a plate of food is flying across the room and shattering to the floor with a force that will cause it's broken pieces to fly everywhere across the room. And then I blame it on the fact that the dinner wasn't to my taste which in turn leads to whoever made it losing their position as a maid in the kitchen. My emotions were so unpredictable even for me and scares the shit out of me when I switch before I know it. I heard whispers and rumors. The ones in my head and the ones that came from people in my pack and gossips in my palace. The ones in my head were louder despite being whispers that tell me of my incompetence and background all over again like I do not know where I come from and how I even ended up like this. The rumors on the other hand are endless and the same old story. They say I've gone crazy. They say I was never really normal but the recent incidences were making me crazier than I was meant to be and that sooner or later, I'd be bound for a madhouse. Not like I was worried about being sent off to a place as long as it could ease the pain I keep feeling on a daily basis. The rumors have led to me being summoned to countless meetings by the elders of the pack and the werewolf committees regarding my mental state and of course, the vacant seat meant for my Luna among other things. Every meeting ended the same way and I'm sure the committee fight among themselves to decide who should preside over each meeting and lay out their grievances to me because I end up flipping out at the mention of her name which has suddenly become a freaking prayer on their lips. As if she was the cure for my-no, scratch that, because she was the cure for my supposed illness. It isn't so hard to know what's driving me crazy now, is it? I have waited patiently like I was advised to. I have occupied myself with other things to keep the thoughts of her and every other thing related to her, off my mind. She'll come around. That was what the voices in my head used to preach all the time before they switched on me and suddenly terrorized me with their harsh words. Those were the words Serge used to comfort me before he went out of control and couldn't take it anymore too. It didn't take long for my wolf and I to know that 'Coming around' in Haera's terms wasn't a matter of days or weeks. Until when do I have to wait? Until when does she have to come around? Until when will she stop this torture and come to me? It was torture. Plain one. Her own way of punishing me for putting her through so much pain. It's been weeks and I definitely don't see her coming around and even the fear of her not showing up at all ate me up with each passing moment. Haera probably doesn't know how tired I was from waiting for her to come to me herself. Heck, she doesn't know how close I was to mounting a horse and riding all the way to her pack to get her, with or without her consent. She really must not know how many times I've stopped myself from It made me think back to all of the times I've rejected her and told her off despite our obvious attraction to each other and all the times I was intimate with Ilvira. Did Haera feel the same way? Like her heart was on fire and the rest of her body was fast burning up as well. Did she hurt as much as I was hurting? It must have been so hard for her if I am barely hanging on. It was way past the mate bond between us. It was something deeper and much more terrifying. I never imagined that a time will come when she wouldn't be by my side, as a Luna or simply a maid. I missed the very essence of her. Her scent that used to encompass me and fill my nostrils with its sweetness. Her delicateness when she serves me my food by my side like putting food into my plate was the most amazing thing ever. Her amazing cooking skills and the joy my taste buds feel when I have a taste of her cooking every day. Her determined and bold stance that shames my very need to be controlling and possessive of her. The depths of her eyes that have a deeper meaning than what she always seems to be letting on. I missed Haera. No doubt about it. I fight the same battle everyday. It was always my feelings that stemmed from knowing Haera as someone other than my mate and nature doing its job because I was far away from my mate that I should be. It was a war between my feelings and nature. It was hard to tell which was winning but both are definitely messing with my mind. It's funny how thoughts of her calm me and rile me up at the same time. I think of her till the point of insanity, break things, yell and growl at every slight mistake someone makes and then I find myself at ease again when I think of how she's doing at her own pack. She must be so happy, I'd think. She must be smiling at something right now and having the time of her life. She must be spoiling her parents with the richest of delicacies. She must be making new friends and solidifying bonds. And then, I go wild when I think of how she's meant to be doing those things with me and for me. I get mad that she might not be even considering the possibility of coming back to me. The thought of her being happy, makes me happy and the thought of her being happy without me makes me angry. See? Conflicting emotions. But I still wanted to give her time. My heart holds pain as well as regrets. Most especially regrets from our last moments. I didn't mean to hurt her that night but I did and it still haunts me in my sleep-if I'm even able to sleep at all and when I do, my eyes spring open because even when I close my eyes, she's there. Now, it was hard to tell if seeing her in my sleep is a nightmare or a dream. Although tonight, it was none of those that had me wide awake mere moments after I hit my bed. Tonight it was something different; the pain was on another level and it hit me like it could kill me. I was certain it could if I didn't get out of bed and do something about it. It was as if the pain was as a result of me getting hit and attacked by invincible forces. It has never been this gut-wrenching and it had my mind wandering down the lane of dark thoughts of Haera and what she might be doing at that moment or what she must have done to make me feel such pain. I shook my head to derail my mind from the lane. Haera wouldn't do that. She wouldn't. I got off the bed and pulled on a robe before walking out of my chambers with only one thing in mind and one destination at heart. When the pain hits me this way, I always find myself enrooted to that very place. It was the very place to watch someone else feel much greater pain than I was feeling and for some reason, it makes me feel better. "How long do we have to do this for? It doesn't change anything. It never has." I guess someone else is in their right mind today. Serge seemed like he was in control but it's only a matte of time before he loses it again. It was too late though, I had made up my mind and I was only a few feet away from the prison that held the very person I have in mind. "It doesn't have to change anything." I groused my response as I made a gesture for the two guards guarding the entrance of the prison to make way for me. I didn't have to say it twice. "You're not in the right state of mind to exchange words with him Zach...." I couldn't resist a chuckle. "When have I ever been? Just a few blows to his head and I'll be able to live out another week." Soon, I was walking my way down the long line of cages and cells with rows of fire torches on the walls helping my eyes seek out the very person I was in search of. I passed by a cell and the scent of the woman I used to bed hit me with an irritating force. I scrunched my nose. I still haven't decided on what to do with her. But she wasn't the one I was here for. I found who I was looking for, cages after, huddled on the floor of the cold cell, barely clothed and barely fed. Opened wounds from endless torture fighting to heal up before more claims his flesh. His head hung low to the floor, eyes close, body unmoving...asleep. It angered me that he could even find sleep in this state when I was losing it. My foot kicked at the gate and the noise of it rattling resonated through the walls of the graveyard silent prison. It caught the attention of the one man I was here for and he looked up from his bent position, eyes unfocused and squinting at first and a smirk playing by the side of his lips when recognition hit him. "Ahh...seems like someone couldn't sleep again today." Tybalt coughed out . My eyes pinned on him in a deadly glare. "And it seems you didn't get enough beating today. You mouth still works." I bit back. Another sly grin and an unbothered shrug. "What can I say? I have a legitimate Alpha blood running through me.I'm stronger than you can imagine." He took a dig at me, staring me straight in the eyes, waiting for my reaction, knowing how unstable I have been lately and knowing how much it annoys me to hear the word "Legitimate". "What are your plans for me this time? Have you finally decided to kill your brother?" "Nothing has ever stopped me from doing so Tybalt but you're undeserving of such easy death." I have spent days torturing him and beating him up but it doesn't even give the satisfaction it's meant to give. That didn't make me give up anyway. He chuckled deeply. "You just need an escape from your reality brother and I'm the only who comes close to giving you that escape." He was no longer on his knees now. He had moved back to rest his back on the wall of the cell while he peered at me with intense sinister eyes. The evil look in his eyes hasn't changed. "Don't flatter yourself." I grimaced. He breathed out a relaxed sigh. I was only moments away from plummeting him to the ground he sat on. "I guess she hasn't showed up yet. Typical Haera, knows just when to push and pull. You see, it's why I'm not surprised she jumped in to save you during the attack." I grabbed the bars of the cell even when the silver burned my palms. "Keep her name of out of your fucking mouth." "Who? Haera?" he paused and then chuckled. "I probably said her name a thousand times than you ever will and so I decide if I want her name out of my mouth or not." "Tybalt..." "Damn you! Damn you for trying to act like you care about her when you've had your fun fucking around with my mate." He yelled at me. "Your mate fucked around with me! Learn the difference. And yet you still accept her back like the freaking moron you are." He rose from his seated position to come close to me. We stood head to head with the silver bars of the cell as the only thing keeping us both from strangling each other. "Do I look like I care for some fucking mate to rule the pack alongside with? It was the freaking mate bond and I didn't mind satisfying my pressing needs until I can dispose of her. The pack would have frowned at having her beside me anyway, knowing fully well that she was your Luna." The sight of them together still burns in my memory. But I really should have known Tybalt cared less for a Luna, his mate or not, as long as he gets to rule the pack as its Alpha. "You're really terrible." "And what makes you think you're any better huh? You cat all high and mighty yet didn't realize you were being played for a fool by a maid and her daughter." "shut up Tybalt...now." It only fueled him on. "I wonder how you resisted Haera for so long...You know, I knew there was something different about her the moment we met. Might be her delicate and fragile looking body that's actually anything but delicate or was it her words. She-" I cut him short, reaching to grab his neck from the opened spaces of the cell's bars. "Shut it!" That didn't stop him. "She was mesmerizing but I guess she didn't know it. You know, I had plans for her. She might have been a pawn in the game but I thought of her each day and how she could be used for my pleasure. How she'd scream my name when I fuck her, how she'd squirm under me. She was one of my many fantasies I dreamed of getting once I became the Alpha...too bad she had to jump in to save an undeserving mate like you. You acting like this doesn't change the fact that you hurt her. Haera might hate me now but definitely not as much as your being irks her." That was as far s I could take. I lost it immediately and Serge followed suit. Before I knew it, I was tearing the silver bar of the cell down and rushing in to grab Tybalt who didn't even make a move to avoid getting hit by me. I should have known right then, even before I saw the evil glint in his eyes and even before I caught sight of something dangerous peeking out from behind him I should have known that he got me riled up intentionally. But it was too late, the weapon came down on my head before I could rear back. I blacked out.