Chapter 98 Is This My Fault?

• To begin with, I don’t know if Katie and Rachel have ever needed privacy. James’s moans and whispered instructions are getting louder and more frequent as the minutes pass, and Michael’s heartbeat against my back quickens. He, too, is breathing harder and has moved his lower half away from me. He is aroused, listening to his friend receive a blowjob. I guess I can’t blame him for that. It also affected me to hear and see Katie and Rachel together in bed. Finally, we hear James moan a warning: “I’m coming.” This is followed by a series of primal grunts that send a tingling sensation between my thighs, my own breathing becoming stronger and faster, my body naturally tensing.
• The bed creaks loudly as they change positions, and the girl lets out a soft gasp. I close my eyes and fumble for Michael’s hand in the darkness. He takes it, intertwining his fingers with mine, tightening his grip as she moans. I remember what it feels like to have Diego’s face there—the first flick of Diego’s tongue on my clit, the delicious burn of his beard against my skin. It was excitement, nerves, and anxiety, all mixed together. All the time Michael spent undoing the knots in my back seems useless now, as the tension seeps back into my body once more. The thought that I will never feel Diego’s touch that way again is unbearable. The understanding that his face is between someone else’s legs tonight—agonizing.
• I fight the urge to start crying again, focusing instead on the girl’s pants, imagining their naked bodies entwined; imagining how it would feel to have her on my back, feeling that right now. If this attractive, nice guy, whom I would probably be fantasizing about if I had never crossed paths with Diego Star, had his face between my legs.