Chapter 1 Could Anyone Feel As Miserable As I Do?

• "Fuck! That’s it baby, you feel so nice!"
• I could barely comprehend what I was witnessing. Abraham's voice, usually tender and familiar, was now filled with a fervor I had never heard before, each word dripping with a raw passion that cut straight to my heart.
• ~~~~~
• I’ll never forget that day. It was an ordinary February morning, just before the new term began, I was at home, reading a book for pleasure as I often did, when my best friend called to tell me she had seen Abraham kissing another girl in his car.
• I clung to my phone like a mad woman, but no matter how much I called him, he didn't answer.
• I rushed to the location my friend gave me and all I saw was my boyfriend of 6 years rising and falling on top of another woman. They were intertwining their bodies in a position I had never experienced with Abraham or anyone else before, letting out uncontrollable moans that sounded so harsh to my ears.
• I thought we both kept our innocence, I've always wanted to save my first time for our wedding night.
• I'm such a fool.
• "You are my whole life. Why did you do this to me?"
• My words crumble with my sobs. I can barely see Abraham's face through my tears. Tears that haven't stopped since I ran to my bedroom early today. Tears that have left my skin raw and tight. And every time I think I'm done crying, the image of Abraham and her flashes in my head and a new wave hits.
• "It wasn't my intention for it to happen, Prudence. I swear!"
• "You didn't want it to happen! Then why didn't you bother to keep your dick in your pants!"
• His beautiful face twitches as if I had slapped him. Something I wish I had the courage to do.
• "Look, we're getting married next year and then it will just be you and me. It's always been just you and me all these years. And, "he swallows, hesitates, "this is something I've been thinking about. A lot lately."
• "About cheating on me?"
• "No! About, you know..." He shudders, "sex!"
• "Is that what this is all about? Why didn't you tell me? I would have let you!"
• "No, Prudence."
• Abraham's face suddenly turns stern.
• "You and I, we're doing it the right way by waiting until we're husband and wife. You're so innocent. So pure."
• He leans forward, pressing his forehead against mine.
• "It means everything to me that you give me that on our wedding night. But..." a shy look takes over his face.
• "I'm a guy. It's different for me."
• "How is it different?"
• "Because that’s what men do! We're weak! This is something I need to do. I need to get this out of my system, or I'm afraid I'll make a mistake down the road, when it really matters. You wouldn't want me to stray later on, when we have kids, right?"
• I'm listening, but I'm not believing these words coming out of Abraham's mouth.
• Is this idiot saying that cheating is a completely normal thing to do? Just because he's a man?
• "So are we breaking up?"
• "What? No!"
• He furrows his brow.
• "We’re not breaking up. We are just taking a little break, okay? Just until I can get my head straight. But we are meant to be, you and I "He brushes strands of hair away from my face, as he has done a thousand times "I will come back to you. I promise."
• I am so angry and hurt, so I fix my eyes on the small promise ring from the gumball machine he gave me on my sixteenth birthday, now a symbol of my misplaced trust, seems to mock me as my sobs drown out the rest of his empty words.
• How childish, to think of all the years I gave away to him.
• Is this the man I should commit to as my husband?
• ~~~~~
• NOW
• "Look directly at the camera when you answer the questions."
• The woman orders, her cold blue irises piercing behind a pair of trendy tortoiseshell glasses.
• Between that, her honey blonde bun, the tight black business suit, and the four-inch heels, she could pass for one of those librarian/strippers instead of a corporate recruiter.
• I adjust my practical round wire-framed glasses, facing the camera.
• She sets up the iPhone on the stand to record as I nervously shift on my stool, tucking stray strands of my red hair behind my ear and smoothing out the wrinkles in my shirt. I didn't come dressed for a video-recorded interview. I thought this job fair would be like any other; I'd stroll by some basic booths, pick up some brochures, and chat with representatives who would rather be anywhere but a Chicago library on a Saturday.
• For the most part, that's what it is.
• But Star Cove Hotel booth is different. It's three times larger than the others, with elegantly dressed recruiters and an on-site interview station behind a screen, to help expedite the hiring process for those who meet the basic criteria.
• And the only reason I met the basic criteria is because I lied on the paper application I filled out twenty minutes ago. Now I'm petrified of getting caught.
• "Full name, please."
• I've always hated being in front of the camera. I clear my throat nervously.
• "Prudence White. But my friends call me Prue," I rush to add, "my mom calls me Prudence, and everyone else back in my hometown calls me Prudence because of my mom. I've never liked it "
• The interviewer’s face is impassive, she doesn't care how I prefer to be called. My nerves get the better of me, and I begin to ramble.
• “The position you’re applying for?” she prompts.
• “Outdoor maintenance and landscaping,” I reply, recalling the official title from the application form.
• All this information is already on my handwritten application, but I suppose they want to hear it directly from me.
• I grew up on a farm, spending years baling hay, hauling grain sacks, and lugging buckets of water for the animals. Despite my short stature of five feet five inches, I’m surprisingly strong. My physique, visible in shorts and a sleeveless shirt, shows both my femininity and the muscles developed through countless long days on the White farm—a cherished family legacy that has held significant influence in the area.
• So, when my engagement with Abraham fell apart, it felt like the entire town was buzzing with gossip about me. I was even napping in my room one day when I heard the new helpers on the farm passing by my window, all discussing how devastated I was.
• That's when I decided I'd had enough.
• “And how does your experience make you a valuable candidate, Prudence?” the interviewer asks.
• “It’s Prue,” I reply, forcing a smile and hoping my annoyance doesn't show on the video when they play it back later.
• “I ran my own landscaping business for five years in Greenbank, Pennsylvania, where I meticulously maintained commercial properties.”
• In reality, I’ve been pulling dandelions and cutting grass around my small town every summer since I was fourteen. Calling it “landscaping” feels like a bit of a stretch.
• But if it helps me land this job and escape my past and all its heartbreak, I'll say anything.