Chapter 4 EXPLORE MY SEXUALITY

• M E R E D I T H
• My heart was thumping and my pulse was incredibly pulsating the more I think about the fact that I want this. I really fucking want this. Suddenly, I felt a gentle tug from behind me which caused me to gasp breathily, and when I turned around, Diether was towering over me. I could feel our height difference because he was looking over me as he breathed over my face and I could smell liquor and mint mingling with his manly, musky perfume, which was getting me more and more ecstatic.
• Hot, this place is so hot that I could convince myself that I was going to erupt.
• In spite of the fact that we both knew we had been flirting on those high chairs since earlier after we argued about Van Gogh and Gauguin, I am still nervous because this was really freaking happening right now. He cupped my face with his enormous hand and immediately I was conflicted because I had never actually tried flirting holding hands or kissing or fucking before, but this felt so fucking right.
• He told me in a seductive way, "Keep looking at me that way, sweetheart."
• I swear a part of me had regretted coming here and drinking alcohol tonight because I knew that if I drink and I get drunk or tipsy I would be feeling something this way. I had felt this the last time I drank with Ramona but it was not towards her, I knew I was sexual and that I had been hiding that part of me because I know I do not know how to. But right now, at the same time I am incredibly glad that I happened to come here to enjoy the night before another semester.
• He leaned forward to me with an inch of space between us as the entire world around us came to a complete stop because I was only focused on him and God. “So,” He says over my face, enticing me even more for him to close the gap between us. “Why don't we just kiss instead of continuing to wonder?”
• In a split second, I leaped towards him and planted my lips on his mouth as we began to kiss each other hungrily while his hands were grabbing me close to his body as my body was pressed against his. His warm and wet tongue entered my mouth as I softly began to moan on his lips and I felt him sucking on my tongue which absolutely felt ridiculously and obscenely erotic.
• “I want to bend you over and allow you to feel every inch of me.” He speaks over my mouth breathily.
• Holy shit holy shit holy shit, he really has an intention of fucking me.
• Holy shit.
• I know I should pull away because I did not come here to be fucked, but stupidly my arms laced around his neck while his hands were now holding a handful of my butt while I let him as he abruptly grabbed both of my arms and raised it over my head, pressing me hard against the wall, pinning me down while he held my wrists with one hand. He grabs my face with his other hand while he continues to agonize me with his sensual and intense kisses.
• “Daddy.” I moaned absentmindedly not knowing where that came from but it must be the alcohol speaking because he makes me want to explore my sexuality.
• “Miss Wright?”
• When I realized that I had been dwelling too much on what had happened that evening, I immediately snapped out of it as soon as I heard someone call out my name. Once again sitting in the classroom with everyone staring at me, I turned to look around and realized that I had returned to reality. Aside from the fact that he was standing there in front of me in this freaking classroom as my freaking substitute teacher, I was also stupidly daydreaming about what transpired between me and Diether on that inebriated and intensely lustful night.
• “Would you mind sharing to the class what you have been busy daydreaming about?” He questioned as the rest of the class were looking right at me intently while giggling.
• I clipped my mouth together and cleared my throat, “I was… I am sorry, Mr. DeLoughrey.”
• “Anyway class,” He looked away and started having his lecture.
• The whole time I was sitting there, I felt more uncomfortable than I ever had in my entire life because the longer I stared at him, the more I remembered how we had kissed and, God, how the entire night from last night had devolved into something so sinful that not even I could imagine doing it. I feel my cheeks burning as I look at his lips while speaking to the entire class while at the same time I am catapulted back to how those lips had devoured me and how those huge hands had held me and caressed me from last night. I felt something down there as I tried to put my leg over the other and tried to stop myself from actually getting turned on in the middle of the lesson.
• The only thing I wanted to do when class was over was to leave the room and breathe fresh air somewhere he was not actually around. Feeling a little lightheaded from my hangover from last night, I quickly gathered my belongings from my small desk and my backpack and hurried to leave as some female students gathered around Diether's table where I overheard him speaking to them about the lesson. Obviously, the female students only wanted to flirt with him because he is incredibly handsome and ridiculously hot given what he was formally wearing, as I could tell by the way he looked.
• I reached the door, avoiding his stare until, “Miss Wright?”
• I widened my eyes and looked around as soon as I heard him call out my name so formally while the other female students were also looking back at me, “Can I have a word with you in private?”
• I blinked in confusion. “About what, sir?”
• “About this,” He pulled out the bond paper that I had written my essay about. “Can we talk about it after your class? You can find me in my office.”
• “Yes, sir.” I answered as I headed out of the classroom and breathed out heavily as soon as I walked away from where he was. I exhaled heavily, “Oh God that was intense.” I muttered to myself.
• I could feel my entire body trembling for some reason while I felt myself sweating profusely while I anxiously grabbed my phone out from my pocket and dialed Ramona’s number. “Hey,” I greeted immediately as soon as she answered the call. “Where in freaking Christ are you?”
• She mumbles the words, “Still in bed.”
• “You have got to get out of bed and speak with me face to face because I am actually freaking the fuck out right now with what just happened.”
• She hummed, “What are babbling about?” She yawns as I hear a muffle from her side. “What are you trying to say about huh?”
• “The friggin’ substitute teacher to replace Mrs. Historia?” I muttered as softly as I could.
• “Yeah, what are you on about?”
• “It is a freaking man.”
• “Ohhh,” She moans, “Love hearing it. Is he hot?”
• “Well as a matter of fact, yes, but another problem is that he is the freaking guy I was making out with last night in the freaking bar.” I gritted my teeth as I heard her gasping.
• “Holy frick, get the fuck out!” She squeals and chuckles.
• “Yes.”
• “No way? That is actually not happening.” She continued to laugh as if this was something that is funny.
• “It actually is happening.”
• “I am not even kidding you, Mo. He is the freaking sub and–”
• “And you made out with our professor!” She cut me off and sounded happy about it.
• “This is not something that is funny.”
• “What? Of course it is.” She speaks with her teasing tone. “You, of all people in this university, were banging our college professor! You scratched something from my bucket list, you naughty woman.”
• “Stop saying it that way please, you are making me feel much worse. And we did not bang.”
• She continues to laugh, “Thinking about it makes me laugh to be honest.”
• “Stop it.” I barked because for me, it was not actually banging as what I would call it.
• We did not bang… or so I thought or remembered it to be.