Chapter 42

• "You were my second choice." She had said it out in space as she tried to recapture them to place them back in her mouth then she began to walk away and I grabbed her elbow to stop her. She seemed a little shaken as she turned around as my asshole mannerisms wanted to come out and play, but what I saw in her eyes totally confused me. I saw sorrow in her eyes. Did she really consider me in the running? I had probably scared her so bad with my demeanor and arrogance I had forgotten that she had never done it before. Where was my sensitivity towards what she must have been going through? To be placed in a world that many find offensive and downright degrading, I cared more about how she hurt my feelings and about not picking me first, that I never once considered hers. I was always number one and anything else was unacceptable, but this time I had truly fucked up.
• So I apologized to her. Maybe one day I could tell her how she made me feel the night I saw her but I would keep that under wraps for another time, another place. I could see her thinking over what I said as I looked with all sincerity into her beautiful eyes to forgive me. Believe me I don't beg for any woman's forgiveness unless its from my sister or niece but I really felt that I needed her to forgive me.
• She stepped back making me a little scared for a second and then she smiled. She held out her hand and introduced herself and I looked down and smiled as I shook hers back. The feeling of relief washed over me as I knew more than ever, I wanted her not in just a physical manner but something more. It wasn't love at first sight or that I had feelings for her it was just something I just couldn't quite figure out yet. But it was something that I needed and I felt she was the only one that could give it to me. As we said our goodbyes I knew that my next step was to at least spend some time with her.