Chapter 41 Love Makes You Smile & Cry

• ELENA'S POV;
• Antonio didn't come to see me again after that moment. It was my fault, it was all my fault. I was the one making him feel this way, I was the one causing it for myself. I didn't want us to go on like this, so I lay on the bed, still naked as I thought about so many things. Did he still see me the same way that he used to? Did he hate me? I couldn't get over how he had walked out the other time. I felt like a burden. The tears dropped from my eyes onto the pillow I leaned on and then my hand found my purse. I remembered I'd kept the diary in there. I was in no mood to read about anything at the moment. I just wanted to wallow in self-pity. I felt like shit. But I don't understand why I just felt perhaps the book could get me away from reality. Perhaps I could escape this moment if I read it. I moved to open the purse and took the book out. My phone was on and I took it to check if there were any notifications.
• I got seven missed calls from Jessie and ten text messages from her that I really didn't want to read right now. I knew she was worried about me but I thought it better to just avoid answering any questions at the moment till I was okay. I took the diary and opened it. I cocked my brows. It seemed as though she had this book with her right from high school. It'd been a long time since she wrote this. I was going to be reading her history. I just hoped I wouldn't see anything sexual in her diary though. I started from the first line and tilted my head. She'd fallen in love before? I had to admit, I'd never fallen in love, nor did I know what it was that it meant. I'd seen so many people in this lifetime but all of them had one assignment and that was to sleep with me. I never knew what love meant, I was only hidden behind the shadows of everyone's lust. I began to read....