Chapter 186 Shitty

• Stepping into the shower under the spray of lukewarm water, I welcomed the uncomfortable feeling that cascaded over me as his scent was covered. I leaned my head forward and the shower head doused me and I prayed it would take away this feeling in my chest. I didn’t want to think about him, didn’t want to wonder about him, didn’t want to put a name to the feeling. The harder I tried not to, the louder the word got. Need. Need. Need. Now that I’d met my mate my mind was turning on me. I grabbed the loofah and lathered it before scrubbing my body hard. Determined to clean every inch of my body, in denial of the fact that no matter how hard I scrubbed, I wouldn’t be able to erase his face from my mind.
• My skin burned as I worked, my hair clung to my face, neck and body as the water heated. I’d never wanted to find my mate before, never wanted to see him. I even worked at a human club in hopes of avoiding my kind and avoid the possibility of coming across him by accident. Now that I looked back on when I first walked into the room, I hated how my heart raced as I scented him and how I’d been hopeful for only a few minutes. Had he known it was me the whole time or had he not cared? What the hell crawled up his ass and died? The loofah dropped to the floor as I pushed my face into the stream of water and opened my eyes. Nothing in life comes easy, or without pain but for once, I had hoped, for once I wanted it to be easy. Anger fills me as I remember the way he’d dismissed me, degraded me, and tried to put me in my place after I spoke to Maximus. My heart shuttered as my mind raced to figure out why he was so displeased with me as if there was something I could do to make it better. I refused to be the weak woman who begged for his attention, instead, I would focus on the anger I felt, the hate I should have for Shane.
• The easiest way for me to dry my hair is to use the blow dryer, but it’s so damn early I don’t want to wake up Gabe. My morning is his night and he needs sleep just as much as I do. I wrap my hair in a towel and throw it up above my head. I try not to use hot water after my first shift because it makes me want to call in to my next shift. I’ve been booked out for the rest of the year so I don’t need to work there anymore. I sigh. But that would just be lazy of me. What happens after the money runs out? I shake my head. Definitely not. I’ll keep working and store the money away after I see how much my cut is. I left so quickly after Shane dismissed me that I didn’t talk to anyone. I didn’t see Donny or talk to Char.