Chapter 2

• Zero.
• Lights.
• Noise.
• Smoke.
• Rock.
• Beers.
• And a girl above me, moving to the fast pace of the drums playing in the background, her hands caressing the nape of my neck, her legs on the sides of mine and her mouth devouring mine, with passion and desire, a desire that I would love. share with her, but it's not what happens, although I kiss her back trying to make her believe that.
• – Hey Z, leave it for the other men, you take them all – Kyle my best friend says on the other side of the table as he leaves an empty beer bottle on the table
• – Don't bother – I blurt out, taking the girl by the neck and kissing him without taking my eyes off him, who sees me amused.
• - Lily is going to foam at the mouth as soon as she arrives and finds you with her like this - I roll my eyes when I hear the name of the redhead, who doesn't stop fighting every time she sees me with a girl other than her.
• - Let him get over it, we have nothing - I answer, pushing away the brunette who kisses me as if her life depended on them - then we continue, okay? – I comment leaving a quick kiss on her lips, she smiles mischievously and gets up, winks at me and walks away leaving me at the table with my friends.
• – What time is the show? It comes late, right? – I ask, staring at Thomas who exhales a mouthful of smoke.
• – He said he would be here before 8, he must be coming
• – What the hell are you doing now? - I ask with some curiosity, my friends shrug their shoulders and I return to the initial position in which I was, leaning on the back of the chair.
• We are in one of the most important bars in New York, today the band he belonged to is playing here, and Lily is the fucking guitarist, a friend from my childhood and she is running late, I have no idea why and it's not like I I was very interested but, in the end, I got up to lose myself for a while in the crowd. It's Friday and like every Friday in my life for almost four years, it's a day to turn to shit and lose myself in the mundane pleasures of life, just for the simple purpose of not having to deal with my demons.
• If I have to talk about myself, I just have to say that where I get to cause a certain sensation, at least with the girls, they are always behind me, making everything easier for me, I just have to choose who to spend the night with and sink between their legs until I'm left. to the fucking motherfucker and fall asleep.
• I don't like to attract attention, I never have, that was Niko's job, my twin brother, thinking about him causes a stitch of pain to be intermingled with the overwhelming and cruel guilt that I have felt since the day he died and the shadow that does not stop chasing me to torture me daily mocks me and my silent and lonely misery. I push my thoughts away as far as I can, back into the dark hole that are my thoughts, this is not the time to beat myself up, it's Friday and as such it's time to forget about everything, I go to the bar and order another beer.
• - Hello handsome - says a sexy voice next to me, I turn to look for the owner of said voice and without further ado my lips curve into a smile, shit this woman is wearing so little clothes that I don't even have to try to imagine what there is below
• - Hello - I greet her taking a sip of my drink
• – Are you Z right? – Ask mischievously, confirming what was said before, they make it too easy and everyone knows me
• – I think so, but who asks? - I say looking at her seriously, she looks at my eyes and her brow furrows, she had been so busy devouring my body that she hadn't even noticed the most characteristic feature of my face.
• – Wow, pretty eyes – she comments surprised, which just makes me blank them, I hate when people look at them, I hate when people talk to me about them or because of them.
• "If you don't have anything more important or witty to say than to flatter my fucking eyes, I'll leave," I say, walking past him, but his hand closes on my forearm and I stop.
• "Don't go, I'm sorry, I didn't know you didn't like them" she apologizes immediately, I turn to look at her and raise one of my eyebrows in her direction.
• - What are you feeling? – She diverted her eyes nervously and sighed.
• This is the problem with some girls, they think they can come close to me, flirt a bit and they already have me where they want, if I can afford to choose who the hell ends up in my bed, I can also afford to reject them if not they're what I'm looking for and this one isn't very different from the rest of the ones here, at least today I wanted to take a girl to bed who would give me a topic of conversation, maybe play hard to get.
• - Well, I told you that you have beautiful eyes, I imagine that you're up to hearing that, I'm Tiffani - she says, holding out her hand in my direction, I shake it without saying anything and she continues - are you alone? – She asks moving a bit in the chair and spreading her legs slightly, to then cross them again, something that doesn't go unnoticed at all.
• - I'm always alone - I answer, I take another sip of the beer and I look at her seriously - Let's do this, it's simple, okay? Because honestly, I'm not in the mood today to play around or play games, I'll be clear with you, if you want to be with me, it's easy, don't expect anything from me, it's just fucking, don't ask, don't inquire, don't think you're important or special because none of them are - as soon as I've finished saying my strings the girl looks at me surprised and then laughs nervously
• – Is this what you say to all the girls before you take them to bed? He smiled arrogantly.
• - This is what I tell the girls that I don't want to take to bed because they make it too easy, but if that's what you want - I pause and place one of my hands on her thigh, right on the inside of it. and I start to raise my hand slowly, her body tenses and she immediately bites her lips, she smiled sideways, which I said too easily – do you want to or not? - The girl gasps and my smile widens, she looks for my eyes and nods.
• I sigh, I remove my hand from her leg and approach her ear, I inhale deeply just to tempt her and whisper
• - See you after the touch - I pause and exhale in his ear - if you find me - I leave a kiss on his lobe and I turn to leave, without adding anything else.
• Yes, I know I'm a bastard for heating her up and leaving her like that, but she was the one who encouraged me to do it, I only went for a beer. It was very quiet there and I couldn't help it. I know this doesn't look good and I'm sure if Niko saw me right now she would reproach me for my behavior and how I treated her, but come on some girls – if not all – don't respect each other one bit and this is what that they win, but to hell he's not there, nor will he ever be again and from where he is, he can't tell me anything either, so I just have to continue.
• Another pang settles in my chest with the thought and the certainty of absence, I squeeze the bottle more tightly in my hand, trying to forget once again the inopportune memory of my twin, when I once again reach the table where my friends are . , everyone laughs while a redhead with curly hair and full of tattoos comments laughingly.
• "Zero, you're here," she says excitedly, standing up and throwing herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck and leaving a loud kiss on my cheek.
• – What's up Lilly, why have you arrived so late? – she releases me and rolls her eyes.
• – Don't start Zero – he comments with annoyance – the car has been failing – he says without further ado and Charlie adds fun
• – Or have you been fucking in the car? – everyone laughs, including me she throws him a napkin that she just made a ball and then she gives him the middle finger, placing her hands on her hips and looking at them all
• - We should go get ready, this touch is important - he comments once again, amused, ignoring our friend's comment.
• - Go and I'll go later to help you a little, I'll go out to smoke a cigarette - I say waving outside.
• I turn and walk to the door of the premises, without waiting for any of them to respond, he passed by a group of girls who whispered when they saw me and laughed, shaking their head because I really don't understand what they see in a guy like me. I understand that I am handsome, because I am and always have been, that is nothing new, perhaps what makes me stand out is my appearance, the tattoos, the piercings because I doubt that my attitude is what they like.
• I'm a fucking pain in the ass, I'm not sweet, gentle or affectionate, in fact I'm not even nice to them, but it seems that they love this aspect of rude and disinterested type, in short they are things that I will never be able to understand women.
• The truth is that I was not always like this, or well, there is a lot of that that I have always said in myself, only after the accident with my brothers all the kindness or joy that was in me remained in the past and today I am only this. I light my cigarette once I'm outside and blow a puff of smoke into the sky, the night is cold as always and the street is pretty lonely for it's this early, but that's because everyone is already inside.
• The laughter of some girls makes me turn to the left, where a brunette walks towards me laughing with a group of friends, they don't look like the typical girls who come to places like this, at least not two of them, they look too young and good to be more specific, the brunette laughs out loud once more and I look at her carefully, she smiled because I know her and boy do I.
• She has a very pretty body, no, not just pretty, she's fucking sexy, pronounced curves, long legs although she's not very tall, her breasts protrude slightly from the neckline of her transparent blouse and the pants fit perfectly on her contoured legs, her blonde hair falls in waves carelessly around her cute and innocent face.
• – Zero – she says when she sees me greeting me from a distance, I greet her with a nod before seeing her enter the premises with her friend and the other guy who looks at me badly before disappearing behind the door.
• She goes to the same university as me and we have met maybe in a couple of classes, many times I have wanted to fuck her because honestly she is very pretty, but she thinks she is too much and I will not bother chasing her.
• I finish with the cigarette and go back to help the band members with the equipment and instruments. On my way to the back of the stage, I run into the brunette with whom I was kissing a while ago, she approaches me mischievously and wrap your arms around my neck
• – After the concert we will go to your house, right? – he asks brushing his tongue after asking about my earlobe.
• - You can - I answer, taking her by the waist and pushing her a little to continue on my way - you'll have to find me first - I whisper to myself, aware that she can't hear me anymore.
• - Kyle connect the amplifier to the guitar please - I hear Lily's voice very close to where I am when I close the heavy curtain that leads behind the stage.
• – Ready, just need to place the cymbals and adjust the bass over there – he says pointing to my back – will you go on stage like in the old days? – he asks when he sees me approach the drums to place the cymbals and adjust them
• - No and don't insist, this is his presentation, not mine - I answer with annoyance, he sighs and shakes his head.
• – I don't understand how long you're going to keep doing this to yourself Z, there's no point, you know? – He comments looking at me with concern, I look away and shrug.
• - Forget it, Kyle, don't be annoying - I say, looking at him badly, he smiles with regret and whispers.
• - Niko is not there but you are and you are losing your life just for believing that - but I don't let him finish when I turn and push him
• - Shut your mouth, you have no fucking idea of what happens in life so don't be a fucking nuisance and go do what you're supposed to do - I blurt out very close to his face, he sees me seriously challenging me with my look, then sighs and shakes his head.
• – You're an idiot Zero, I won't get tired of saying it – he passes by me and takes the bass to start doing the sound checks.
• Lily walks up to me and looks at me with concern.
• – are you okay?
• – Yes, calm down – I blurt out without looking at her, feeling the pain in my chest turn into frustration.
• – Zero you know what
• - I'm fine Lily, don't start you too - I blurt out irritably pulling away from them and leaving them alone on stage, where they continue with the last adjustments to start the show.
• Thinking about my twin always causes that feeling of emptiness in my chest, but for others to name him or talk about him near me to reproach me for the way I decided to live my life, it just uncontrolls me, not having him with me just depletes me, the Frustration, loneliness and the feeling of emptiness are a constant in my dying day to day, Niko took with him all the meaning, everything important and left in its place a huge and absolute void that until now I have not managed to fill with anything .