Chapter 6 One-sided Plans

• Hours passed, and I left the house after lunch to go to the hospital for my appointment. Fabio accompanied me, guiding me to the clinic. When we arrived, they knocked on the door, and I was promptly ushered in after stating my identity.
• "Good afternoon, Mrs. Bella De Angelis. It's nice to meet you," Doctor Emma Ramirez said as she gestured for me to sit in the chair in front of her desk.
• I smiled at the doctor, still clueless about why Leandro had scheduled this.
• "I'm sorry, Doc, I actually have no idea why I'm here."
• "Don't worry. I just need to run some tests to ensure your health, Mrs. De Angelis, and to determine what contraceptive pills to prescribe for you."
• I felt like I'd been deafened by her last statement. Did I hear that correctly? Did she just say she was going to prescribe contraceptive pills for me?
• "I'm sorry? Pardon me, I didn't quite catch your last words. What did you say about pills? Did you say you're going to give me contraceptive pills?"
• "Yes, Mrs. De Angelis. That's what your husband mentioned. Didn't he talk to you about this?"
• I couldn't respond. The thought kept echoing in my mind. Why did he want me to take contraceptive pills?
• I lost track of time during that visit to the doctor's office. I allowed the doctor to run some tests on me. She assured me there were no issues, and she provided me with the name of the pills that would suit me.
• I glanced at the prescription as I left her clinic. I didn't even thank the doctor; I just left abruptly.
• I handed the doctor's prescription to Fabio. I knew I would be getting my pills from the De Angelis-owned pharmacy.
• I still couldn't gather my thoughts on the way home. It's not that I was eager to have children, but... I was considering it. Because I'm married now, and someday, I want to have my own kids, the kind that I would love, and Leandro would love too.
• Could it be that Leandro was thinking the same thing? It's possible. Maybe he thought that because I didn't want this marriage, I also didn't want to have children with him. I remembered the first night we were intimate; he used a condom.
• "What time will Leandro be home?" I asked Nicola, hoping she might have an idea.
• "I'm not sure, Ma'am. He told Fabio earlier that he might come home a bit earlier today compared to yesterday."
• I just nodded at her response. I told Nicola that I wanted to be alone, so she left me in my room.
• Nicola was right. Leandro came home earlier today. Perhaps, unlike yesterday, he didn't have much to do in the office.
• He raised an eyebrow when he saw me, and his cold eyes met mine. I expected him to speak, but he remained silent.
• Leandro entered the walk-in closet and emerged after changing.
• "I attended a doctor's appointment earlier... just like what you want."
• Leandro looked at me, his cold eyes greeting me. I expected him to say something, but he remained silent.
• He went into the walk-in closet and came out after changing.
• "She gave me a prescription for contraceptive pills. She said that's what you instructed her to do. Why?"
• I was searching for the right words to express how I felt. As much as possible, I held back my emotions, even though I had a heavy heart. I still didn't want to provoke Leandro. You never know what he might do to you.
• "That is correct," he replied to me.
• I chuckled to myself. Was that all? He couldn't even explain why?
• I thought my relationship with Leandro was improving. I thought I just needed to wait for him to open up to me, to be somewhat concerned as a husband. But with what I learned today, I felt like I had been mistaken in my thoughts.
• Everything was one-sided. Leandro had different plans for our life together.
• "Why?"
• Leandro stopped what he was doing and faced me. I gasped as fear suddenly washed over me for him.
• When I look at him, he always seems angry, even though I know he keeps his emotions hidden and controlled. Maybe I'm just conditioned from my father that when this expression appears, it means he's about to hurt me.
• I shook my head; I needed to forget about Papa. Leandro and my father are different, right? Leandro wouldn't hurt me like my father used to.
• "I just want to know why I have to use pills—"
• "I don't want to use condoms. And I assumed you don't want to get pregnant... we're on the same page. I don't want an unexpected or unplanned pregnancy."
• I bit my lip at his words. My heart was pounding quickly. "I-I don't mean…I don't want children—"
• "Good for you, then. In my case, I don't want to get you pregnant. I don't like having kids in general." His eyes narrowed as he stared at me.
• Leandro walked closer to me. Since we got married, this was probably the first time I felt hurt by his words.
• I felt offended when he left me after our first night together. I was sad and wondered what was wrong with me. But he came back and told me it was for my safety. However, now that we were talking about not having children, that's when I felt hurt. Even though I wasn't ready now, I was still considering it in the future.
• Leandro focused both his hands on my sides. He leaned towards me as I bowed my head, hiding my emotions from him.
• He held my cheeks, and I felt a pang in my chest. His touches were like the edges of knives; sharp and ready to cut.
• When his hands reached my chin, he lifted my head to see my face. I tried to keep my emotions from him, protecting myself from the danger he might bring. But I lost. In this game of emotional hide-and-seek, Leandro was the winner.
• I gasped as our eyes met. I was caught in a whirlwind of fear and anxiety.
• "I don't want children. In this marriage, it's just you and me, Bella. Do you understand that?"
• I didn't. So many questions swirled in my mind. Why didn't he want children? Was it because I was his wife? If he had married someone else, would he want children? The last thought sent a sharp pain through my already broken heart and dwindling hope.
• "I repeat, do you understand?"
• I bit my lip to silence the questions forming in my mind. I nodded at him to end this conversation. Leandro released me and stood up straight.
• "Prepare yourself. Dinner will be served in a while. I'll be in my study room for the meantime." His gaze pierced me one more time before he walked away and left the room, leaving me with nothing but confusion and unanswered questions.
• I didn't speak to Leandro again after our conversation earlier about not having a child. He doesn't want to have kids.
• It's really too early to think about it, but does he have any plans for the future? I can't say. It seems like he really doesn't want to.
• I turned away from him as I went to sleep. I didn't want to look at him because it only reminded me of how hurtful his words were to me. For others or for Leandro, those words might be insignificant, but to me, they meant a lot.
• I forced myself to sleep while Leandro was beside me. The lights were off, and only the glow from his laptop remained, as he was still working even though it was late.
• Sleep eventually overcame me that night. In the middle of my slumber, I dreamt that someone was hugging me. I felt so light and peaceful during those hours.