Chapter 38

• XanderI stop mid step and turn to face Amanda. “What do you mean? Did something else happen?” I ask as Kyle re-enters the room. “Geez Xander put some clothes on" he says blocking Amanda’s eyes with his hands. Amanda tries to pry Kyle's hands away from her eyes, “Stop it Kyle. This is important. I need to talk to Xander.” “You don’t need your eyes to talk to him.” “Give me a minute to change Amanda or this clown won’t let up.” I pull on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before making my way back to Kyle and Amanda. “Okay, why did you say that was the least of my worries Amanda?” “Haley called me. That’s why Kyle and I came to your room.” “Is she okay? Did something happen?” “When she tried calling you, I think Amelia answered your phone and told her you were in the shower. She insinuated you were with her... erm physically.” “Dude this is not your day". I search for my phone and find it on the bedside table. I go straight to my call log and its blank. No calls. The call log has been deleted. I search for Haley’s name to call her and its not on my phone. “The bitch deleted Haley’s number... Kyle send it to me.” “Don’t know your wife's number off by heart, now, now Xander" he laughs but does as I ask. < “Shut the fuck up Kyle" I say as I frantically dial my wife’s number. It goes straight to voicemail. Fuck. I try again, the same thing happens. “How did she sound Amanda?” “Like her heart was breaking. I told her you wouldn’t do that to her but I don’t think I got through to her. Don’t worry, I will call her and tell what happened.” “Try now. Please.” “Okay,” “ Sorry Xander its going straight to voicemail.” Fuck. I dial Charles’s number. “Sir?” “Charles is my wife at home?” “Yes Sir, she got home a little while ago.” “Please can you find her and give her the phone?” “Ofcos sir.” I hear rustling as he walks through the house. He knocks on a door, “ Mam... are you okay?” “I’m fine" I hear Hayley say but she sounds anything but. Her voice sounds raw from crying. Fucking Amelia, if I ever see her again I will fucking kill her. “Sir wants to speak to you"“I can’t. Not now Charles.” I hear as her voice breaks and I know she’s crying. “I’m sorry Sir, mam won’t speak to you. She seems pretty upset. Is there anything I can do?” “Thanks Charles. I’ll take care of it.” “She’s crying. She won’t speak to me.” I say as I sit on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands. II feel so fucking helpless. I can’t lose her. “Everything will be okay Xander. We will all tell her the truth. She’s just upset now.” “Yes boss, it will all blow over. We will not give Amelia the satisfaction of coming between you two. Everything will be fine.” “I can’t just sit here. Kyle can you manage a few days without me? I need to go back home.” “Sure Xander, go do what needs to be done.” “Amanda...”“Already on it Xander. I'll get you home.” She makes a few calls, while Kyle paces and I wait anxiously, “The plane will be cleared for take off early tomorrow morning. You will be home by the evening.” “Thanks Amanda.” “Don’t mention it.” Haley Xander tried to get a hold of me through Charles but I'm not ready to face him yet. I lie in bed curled into a ball staring at the remnants of my phone lying smashed against the wall. I never knew I had so many tears in me. They haven’t stopped flowing down my face since last night. My throat feels dry and my eyes are sore. I always knew Xander was too good to be true but I felt so special with him, like he really cared about me. Maybe I just saw what I wanted to see. Am I just stupid? I get up, take a shower and brush my teeth before getting back into bed and hugging Xander’s pillow to me as the tears flow again. WWhy Xander, why would you do this to me? I am exhausted and I eventually fall asleep sad and lost not knowing what to do. I awake with a start, to strong arms pulling me against a hard chest. I know without having to turn in the darkness that it’s Xander, but it can’t be. He’s not even in the country. “I’m sorry you went through that babe", he whispers against my hair “but its not what you think and I’m here now.” I turn slowly in his arms and touch his chest. It feels real against my hands. I pinch my arm. Yip it hurts. I am awake. “Xander?” He smiles, “Yeah babe you’re not dreaming. I'm here.” Everything comes crashing back and I begin to push against his chest to put some distance between us but he won’t let me and his arms around me only tighten. “Let go of me,” I whisper through my tear hoarse voice. “No. You are going to listen to me first.” I stiffen but stop struggling against him. I am embarrassed by how good it actually feels to be in his arms, despite everything. My body is a traitor. Just like my heart. “I did not cheat on you Hayley and I never would. You’re all I fucking think about babe” he says, his hand stroking my cheek. “Amelia is my ex. I don’t know how, but she got into my hotel room and was waiting for me. I was in the shower and when I came out and saw her, I kicked her out.” I want to believe him but how can I? I've never understood how Xander wanted me in the first place and with my past how do I just believe him and not think its me. That I’m not good enough. “Hayley, say something please?” “I don’t know what to say.” “Say you believe me. Say you missed me. Say you aren’t going to let anyone come between us. I wouldn’t have flown hours just to make sure you’re okay if I was going to cheat on you. When have I given you a reason to doubt I care about you?” He's right. I can’t keep acting like a weak victim and let my past define my future. Xander is not Keith. He flew halfway across the world to talk to me. He didn’t have to do that. If I want us to work, I can’t keep being this sad creature that thinks the worst of him in every situation. He did nothing to deserve that from me. I lift my head and whisper, “I believe you. I missed you and I won’t let anyone come between us.” The grin he gives me, melts my heart, “I love you Hayley. I never realised how much until I thought I could lose you.” Wait. Did he just say the “L" word? “I love you too", I say it back because I know it’s true. I know I’ve never felt this way before. I burrow my head into his warm chest and he holds me close, his hand under my shirt, drawing circles on my back. Only Xander can make me feel this special.