Chapter 19

• Hayley I wake with a start. My husband’s head is between my parted thighs gently flicking my clit and dipping into my opening. He moans as if I’m the best thing he's tasted. I'm still naked from last night and his right hand reaches up to massage my breast roughly as he continues to lap at my opening. I splinter into a thousand pieces again as he grazes my clit with his teeth before lifting himself up my body and impaling me with his shaft in one smooth motion. Fuck he's big. I can feel him deep inside my p*ssy. He doesn’t say a word, just gently rocks into me, slow, deep thrusts that have me throwing my head back in bliss. The next time I wake, it’s to sunlight streaming through the French windows. I'm alone in bed. As I try to move I feel muscles I never knew I had in my body begin to ache. As if I’ve worked out for hours after not working out for years. I feel sticky and I know I need a shower so I climb out of bed wrapping the bed sheet with me....well this is awkward. I manage to wash my hair, brush my teeth and scrub every inch of my body until I'm smelling all fresh like my DKNY be delicious body scrub. I try not to think of anything, especially what’s going to happen next with Xander. I’m scared and nervous at the same time. I put off going downstairs for as long as I can before I muster up enough courage to leave the room and face whatever awaits me. XanderThe sun is out and the wind has picked up causing the waves to crash angrily on shore. Its turbulence matches my mood perfectly. Fuck. What have I done? I had sex with Hayley, not just sex but sex without protection. I've never had sex without protection. Ever. I can’t seem to get enough of her. Her smell, her taste... that’s why I had to get the fuck out of that house, away from her, so I could think. I couldn’t go far so I have been sitting watching the ocean on my private beach for hours. What I shared with Hayley last night was fucking spectacular but she’s a girl so she’s going to make inferences about our relationship I don’t want her making. We are married now which makes things even more complicated. I need to remind her that this is still a business arrangement. The problem is I still want to fuck her so badly. I don’t want to give that up but I have to or else things are really going to snowball really fast. She could already be pregnant for all I know. Fuck. Hayley I expect to find Xander in the kitchen. He’s not there. Then I try the gym he showed me when giving me the grand tour. He’s not there either. The pool, the gardens, I search everywhere and Xander’s nowhere to be found. My heart begins to sink and dread begins to fill my chest. The feeling of euphoria I had mere hours before fading quickly. I miss home. I miss my room where I could escape from the world. “Ok Hayley, pull yourself together... maybe he went to get takeout or something? Don’t get ahead of yourself. This is a new you remember... wait. He might surprise you...” I say to myself as I try to give myself a pep talk. Okay, what can I do? I wonder around aimlessly for a little while hoping to run into someone, but there’s no-one around. Not grandma, not the helpers. TThat’s strange. I eventually find myself exploring the massive gardens at the back of the house and something catches my eye in the distance....a dark blue that blends almost seamlessly with the sky. You have got to be kidding me... is that a beach? I almost jump in glee, my heart soaring a little. Wish my doggo’s where here but the plan was to pick them up later today. I walk in the direction of the water and find a pathway leading to the beach, separated from the garden by a black and gold wrought-iron gate. I try the gate and it’s open. There is a trail of footsteps leading to the left alongside the water. Feeling a little adventurous I decide to follow it. I travel quite some distance before I notice him. Xander sitting on the shore, looking out at the ocean. He doesn’t look happy, like he found the love of his life. He looks lost, perplexed... forlorn. I know instinctively that look has to do with me. He doesn’t want to be with me the way I want to be with him and I know it’s not just my insecurities playing. I can see it on his face. Now I feel horrible too. So much for that pep talk. I turn on my heel and silently go back the way I came. I need to get away for a bit and clear my head before I face Xander because I don’t really have a choice, I have to face him. I just never expected to feel so hurt this early on. I know what I need to do. I need to go home and pick my puppies up. Xander and I were supposed to pick them up much later, but I can’t wait. I need to see them. I write Xander a note saying I’m going to pick my animals up and place it on his... our bed before grabbing my bag and keys and disappearing out the front door. I'm feeling anxious as I make my way to the front door of my old house. It’s only just occurred to me that I have to put on my happy face here too and lie to my family some more. What has my life become? Even though I have my best smile on as I enter the house, mum and the relatives that stayed over are a little confused at seeing me at home. I tell them that I left Xander asleep at home and came to pick up my babies because I missed them too much. I’m an animal person and I breathe a sigh of relief when my mum says “I should have known you would do something like this. You and your animals!” XanderI notice a second set of footprints in the sand on my way back to the house. I figure it must be Hayley looking for me. Although, I don’t understand why she would just turn back without saying a word. I know I need to face her. I feel like an ass for leaving her alone in bed bit I didn’t expect to be gone so long, I just needed some time away. I search downstairs for her and she’s nowhere to be found. The house is eerily quiet. I gave the helpers the day of after the wedding yesterday and gran insisted on staying with a friend last night, even though she has her own wing of the house and we never had to see each other of we didn’t want to. I finally enter our room a little apprehensively but Hayley’s not there either. Then I notice a hand written page on the page. It reads “Xander, missed the doggies too much so I went to pick them up. Didn’t want to disturb you. See you later.”