Chapter 6

• ~Zeus~
• After a short visit back to the ocean, the skies had settled, and we were back at Posey’s house by the beach. He’s been playing with my little darling all evening.
• For such an arrogant ass back when we were on Olympus, he sure has calmed down a lot. He’s even been fairly easy going and changed the baby’s diaper twice already. Who would have thought my self-centered brother would ever change a diaper?
• We were right about my mark. A small lightning bolt birthmark is printed on her bottom, and it was the cutest thing I think I've ever seen.
• Sitting by the window, watching the clouds pass by, reminds me of the old days. I would make clouds just to listen to my earth children's voices in my head, as they imagined each one as the shape of an animal. One of my greatest gifts was being able to hear the prayers and dreams of the people of Greece. I guess those days are gone now. These days, it seems people spend more time forgetting about us than asking for our help or sharing their utmost desires.
• The truth is that hearing those voices was the first thing to go when I arrived. I always felt needed—wanted—and I sure never felt alone. Here I am, lost in my thoughts, and I now see why humans felt this way and asked for our help. It’s a very lonely feeling being locked inside your head. The only voice I hear now is my own, and I sure don’t like it.
• My business VP says it’s my conscience eating at me. Screw him. I just have a lot of shit on my plate to deal with right now.
• “Zeus. Did you hear me?”
• “What?”
• “You need to see if you can find a nanny. You can’t care for her on your own.”
• “I know that moron. But where the hell am I going to find a nanny who knows how to deal with a demi-baby?”
• “I know you don’t want to hear this, but maybe Hera knows someone.”
• “You expect me to call that bitch of an ex-wife of mine? No. Try again.”
• “Well, what about Thor? I know you talk a lot of shit when it comes to the Norse gods, but he does have a lot of connections to humans. He may know someone. Besides, he is your friend and would be willing to help.”
• “He’s not my friend. Why does everyone always say that?”
• “He is, too. You two have a real bromance going.”
• “I hate you.”
• Rubbing my temples from the headache coming on, I see his point. I need someone to help me, but his smug face is pissing me off.
• “I’ll go for a nanny, but only if she’s hot,” I note, knowing I’ll catch hell for it.
• “Hell no. You don’t need some woman you’ll be spending more time in bed with than watching Pearl. So, no hot nannies. You don’t need the distraction.”
• “Well then, find me someone you think I won’t be into.”
• “Wrong again. This is on you, Pops. For this first time in your life, you’re going to do this on your own.”
• “I can take care of my own kid, you know. I don’t need someone to help me. I’ll be fine.”
• Shrugging his shoulders he said, “All right, but don’t say I didn’t warn ya. Good luck, Papa Zeus, because you’re sure as hell going to need it.”
• ***
• A few days later, I’m in my penthouse overlooking the city and Pearl hasn’t stopped crying all night. There was a tornado that touched down and a flash flood warning has been out all day. This kid is going to drown everyone in the city if I don’t figure something out.
• Knock! Knock! Knock!
• Thank the gods. The cavalry has arrived.
• When I swing open the door, Thor is smiling at me with his big, toothy grin. I fucking hate Norse gods. They are so damn smug, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why everyone thinks Thor is my best friend. Besides, it pisses me off that he didn’t have any powers taken away.
• Humans love the pretty boy, and I think those witches are fangirling over him. He’s such a do-gooder and a kiss-ass. The stupid witches didn’t punish him like the rest of us, and it’s not fair. They gave me some stupid excuse for him helping people more than himself. Bullshit. This prick spends more time in front of a mirror than I do, and I’m gorgeous.
• “What’s up, buttercup?” he said, pushing past me. “Damn, Zeus. Why is that baby crying like that? And you need to clean up around here. The place is a mess.”
• “I don’t know why she’s throwing a fit, genius. If I knew, she wouldn’t be crying.”
• Walking right up to my daughter's bassinet, he takes a whiff. Ha-ha, smart ass. She has a fresh, clean diaper. I’m not that stupid. Although to be fair, my maid had to do it because I don’t know how to yet. She left an hour ago because the screaming was giving her a headache. I think maybe she quit.
• “Have you fed her?”
• “Three bottles already. I tried ice cream, milk, and I stuck a sandwich in that blender thing to make a smoothie. She doesn’t seem to like pastrami. She kept barfing it up.”
• “You did what? Dude! You can’t feed a newborn baby that shit.”
• “It’s the only way I could get it through the bottle.”
• “For fuck’s sake. No wonder she’s crying. You’re in over your head, man.”
• Picking her up, he throws my baby over his shoulder and starts patting her back. A few little pats and a huge burp escaped her like a grown-ass man. Then comes the vomit that slides down his back.
• “Damn it. I liked this shirt, too. It’s okay, little Pearl. I can buy a new one.”
• As quickly as she started, she stopped crying and was now cooing and snuggling into Thor’s shoulder.
• “That’s right, sweetie. Uncle Thor is here to make it all better. Daddy is an idiot, isn’t he?”
• I look outside the window behind him, and the clouds are clearing. Wow. “How did you do that?”
• “I just got the touch, is all. First of all, go grab me a t-shirt or something to change into. Second, don’t feed your baby freaking pureed sandwiches. They can't eat that stuff. Haven’t you ever heard of baby formula? She’s a preemie. You could hurt her little belly doing that shit, or she could choke. The milk was at least close to being right, but the ice cream was too much.”
• “But I like it. Raspberry may not be her flavor. I can go get her chocolate later.”
• With an annoyed sigh, Thor shakes his head at me. “No ice cream. Bro, I have to be honest. I think you need parenting classes or something. I can’t believe you have around one hundred children and have no idea how to take care of a baby.”
• “Well, genius, that’s why I called you. Posey said that you know someone who can help me.”
• After pulling off his shirt, he takes Pearl to my recliner and flops his greased-up muscled ass in my best chair. I hate this guy, but at least Pearl isn’t crying. He starts rocking her and humming a tune she seems to like. I can’t help but let a half smile curl on the edge of my lips when I see her sweet little smile.
• “She likes you.”
• “All the ladies do. Also, I’m not freaking out. Babies don’t like a lot of commotion and they can tell when you’re nervous around them. She is almost asleep. I’ll stick around today to help out if you want.”
• I instantly want to punch this prick. I walk into my bedroom to get him a shirt, then yell over my shoulder, “The hell you will. You get on my damn nerves.”
• It was probably a bad idea to yell because Pearl started crying again.
• “Shhh. It’s okay. Daddy is a loudmouth. I'll make him shut up so you can sleep.”
• I walk back in and he’s pacing the floor and bouncing her softly, lulling her off to sleep. I need to remember that because he seems to be good at this and knows what he's doing.
• After taking Pearl into my arms and trying the same thing, I passed him a shirt. “Here, it should fit. We’re about the same size.”
• “Eh. I’m bigger. You’re looking a little soft there, old man,” he says, trying to pinch my non-existent love handles.
• Rolling my eyes, I know he’s just trying to get in my head. It’s always a challenge of strength and fitness with him.
• “I’m fine, pretty boy. Now, tell me about this nanny. I don’t want some grouchy old hag hanging around here, uglying up the place.”
• “Her name is Blue, and she’s beautiful. Of course, to you, she probably won’t be. You think if they don’t have big fake tits and look like a barbie doll, they aren’t good enough.”
• “What? Is she a troll or something?”
• “No, she’s a lovely plus-size woman, and she’s not looking for a sugar daddy. She’s in her early thirties and—”
• “Uck. She’s old and fat.”
• “Thirty-two is not old, and she’s not fat. If you call her that, you’ll probably get knocked out because she won’t take your shit. You seriously have issues if you see someone in their thirties as being old. Posey thought it would be good since you’re not into women of that age. Maybe you’ll focus on your daughter instead of your dick.”
• “I’m not that vain. I just know what I like. Give me a hot little twenty-something with a nice rack and I’m good to go. Why can’t the nanny be hot? There’s nothing wrong with a little play time for Daddy on the side.”
• “Geez. I can’t believe we’re friends.”
• “We’re not,” I reminded him.
• “Whatever. You know you like me. Anyway, this woman isn’t going to take your shit, Zeus. So, don’t think you can push her around. She’s one of the most sought-after nannies in Chicago, and she’ll put you in your place if you aren’t being a good dad.”
• “I am a wonderful dad.”
• “You fed your newborn baby a sandwich that you put in a blender. You may love her, but you’re far from making dad of the year.”
• “I’ll get the hang of it,” I said, trying to convince someone. Whether it was him or me, I’m not sure.
• “Oh, I know you will, because Blue will make sure you do. Get ready for baby 101 because you’re about to get a crash course in reality. I’m going to head out and get her some formula and some other stuff that Pearl probably needs. I’ll be back in an hour. Try to keep her alive until then.”
• After watching him walk out the front door, I look down at Pearl, who is looking up at me with a smile.
• “Well, kid, looks like we have a nanny coming to help us out. Daddy doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing.”
• Hearing her faint giggle, I think she agrees.