Chapter 9 Beating Crazy

• Hugo’s bluish-greenish eyes were still staring at me, they looked intense but at the same time calm but in the back of my head I was literally, literally, dying inside the more he stared at me that way. There were so many things in the back of my head and I think he is trying to figure out where he could have seen me or maybe he already knows about me.
• Did he already figure out who I am?
• No, it was seven years ago. Seven freaking long years ago.
• No. There’s no way that he would remember me, that was seven years ago.
• Relax Miranda.
• Relax. Don't freak out.
• I am most definitely sure that he doesn't remember you. It has been seven fucking years after what happened to the two of you and you are not that special anyway to be remembered in the first place. I'm sure he will not remember any single thing from that night because I think both of us got insanely drunk.
• I smiled away my nervousness. "Good evening sir."
• Sir? I could barf at myself right now for how I address him after having sex with him. Jesus Christ, my armpits are sweating. I guess we can actually call it as our first proper conversation because I can’t consider something that happened years ago as counted since I was intoxicated. Also, nothing comes to mind when it comes to that sinful night. I still do not know how I acted and the things I told him.
• I cleared my throat and looked away from his gaze. "I’m nurse Randy." I introduced myself to Anne and smiled forcefully, trying to pray inwardly that Hugo does not remember how I sound when I am speaking. But then again, it has been seven years for that one night thing to be even remembered. "I'm here to change your IV bag ma’am and there's medicine for you to take too."
• "Oh that’s lovely dear.” Anne’s sweet voice sounded welcoming. “I'm in dire need of leaving the hospital already. Hugo here doesn't want me to leave just yet. He still thinks I'm sick."
• Even though I was being careful not to exhibit my feelings, my hands began to fail me as I began replacing her IV bag with a fresh one. I was so anxious to death that they were shaking. I made an effort to maintain my calm and mentally repeat the word ‘calm’ in the back of my head, but it was difficult for me to move around freely since I was worried that Hugo might be watching me while I was working.
• Even though my all-time favorite band had broken up years ago, I had to restrain myself from fangirling since I still feel awestruck when I see him at this point in his life. When I was younger, I was a major supporter of Satellite Patrol, particularly Landon's drumming prowess and Hugo's unhinged vocals.
• "How do you feel now, ma’am?" I asked but still avoiding Hugo's eyes as much as possible to calm my insides which are ready to explode any second now.
• "I honestly feel much better, to be honest." She smiles at me.
• Anne is still incredibly pretty even though she has aged like a fine wine. There were wrinkles on her face and some parts of her hair were already gray but she was still as beautiful as before.
• "My fever has gotten down, thank God.” She answered with her thick English accent as she looked relieved. “I don't feel sick anymore. Has the doctor said anything about when I can leave?" She asked me back.
• "We still have no confirmation from your doctor about that, Mrs. Anne, but I'll get to it in a while." I smiled courteously at her.
• "Thank you so much, dear. You make me feel a little more relieved.”
• It was something amazing to listen to.
• I smiled at her as I was fixing the used IV bag on my hand, “Well, I want to help the patients to recover fast so I want to assist as much as I can.”
• "You're such a smiling nurse with a bright personality." She compliments me and I feel a little happy that she’s so welcoming unlike other patients here on the presidential suite floor. "The last one who came in here before you was so grumpy. I think Hugo can agree to that." Anne gazed at her son.
• My eyes slowly travelled towards Hugo and as soon as I glanced at him, my heart just felt happy. He is sitting on the couch with his leg crossed over the other and his blue-green eyes darted at me while he is touching his chin with his hand.
• "Yeah." He answered monotone.
• Almost sounding cold.
• I was too preoccupied with my own life while I was growing up, attending college, and managing my responsibilities as a mother after giving birth that I no longer had time to keep up with band news. Apart from their attractive faces and tremendous talent, SatPat's music has always been very relatable to me, so when I found out that they were officially breaking up, I was devastated.
• "Sorry about my son being cold. He’s not always like that. He just got here.” Anne explains sounding comforting. “He's always busy with work and he's probably tired."
• I travelled my head towards Anne and she is looking back at me with a warm smile on her face. She looked too sweet and it was hard to be mean to her, "Oh. It's okay ma’am.” I said. “I understand. Well, it’s time for your medicine.” I smiled back.
• I handed her the tablets she needed to take before she sleeps tonight and helped her sit on top of her bed while my eyes kept glancing at Hugo who is now busy with his phone. I can tell that he is probably texting someone and I wonder who he's texting with. I stared at him longer as my eyes travelled down to his long legs and his huge hands. He is absolutely doing nothing, but he still looks so damn good.
• In a split second, he stared at me under his lashes and I was absolutely taken aback when our eyes met that I literally froze where I was. I slowly bent my head down to cover my face because he was actually staring at me. Shit.
• When he looks at me like that, he is making me feel terrible, and I am ashamed of what I have been keeping hidden for the past few years. I think I kept a significant portion of his life hidden from him. Well, I've got a major secret.
• But it's incredibly nerve-wracking that he's here. Seeing him here still leaves me feeling completely overwhelmed. I suddenly had flashbacks of that morning, and although I am aware that I have had sex with him in the past, it was a few years ago and I wasn't conscious at the time. I missed my chance to feel him.
• But we're this close and it is spine tingling thinking about it.
• The air we breathe in and out is the same. We are indeed in the same room. Is it bad that I want to photograph him or perhaps make a fan sign? But if that happened, it would be too embarrassing for me to ask those things. Even though he is no longer a famous person or a member of Satellite Patrol, I still find myself gushing over him whenever I see him.
• I want to tell him about Ben, and I do, in the pit of my stomach. For keeping Ben a secret from him all these years, I feel horrible. I am on the verge of choking as the guilt rises to my throat. Will he even accept that I am his father if I tell him? Does he even recall who I am?
• I instantly looked back down at his mother and assisted her in getting back down into the bed as soon as he lifted his head and noticed that I was staring at her once more. Then, I saw that her foot was in a cast.
• "May I ask what happened to your foot, ma’am?" I asked her out of curiosity.
• "I had an accident before this." She answered. "Now, I believe it has healed. Although the pain isn't as bad as it was before, my son wanted to make sure the cast is left on for the entire time the doctor requested."
• I nodded to respond. "We’ll check up on that as well since it would probably be much more comfortable for you.” I began to write some things down on her medical records and checked the part where she finished taking her meds for the night. I pulled my head back up and smiled at her. "You're all good mam."
• "Thank you very much." Anne replied with a beautiful smile.
• I gazed at Hugo and I nodded at him as a form of goodbye before I greeted him good night but he didn't seem to respond back to me. Yet, my heart was beating crazy.