Chapter 189

• My breath catches in my throat as I glance down at every single member of the pack in their wolf forms. It is an astonishing and quite humbling sight. Each and every one of those wolf-shifters below play an essential part in our Pack as a whole, and for the first time I begin to comprehend the depth of responsibility Edward has tried to explain to me as Beta and future Alpha. All of these people, each with their own personalities, gifts, traits and opinions, are our responsibility to assist and lead in any way that we can. The magnitude of that task begins to bear down on my shoulders and I can feel my stomach sink. I don't even know where to begin. Yet again, my wolf makes a small snorting sound as if she's trying to tell me to stop worrying. Before I am able to respond, however, there is a strange shift in the entire Pack and complete silence begins to spread. I feel it within my wolf as her body tenses in anticipation. It's as though we are all waiting for something in complete suspense and I have no idea what it could be.
• Then Carlisle's wolf tilts his massive silver-grey head back, pointing his snout to the darkening night sky, opens his mouth and fills the air with an earth shaking howl that flows over me like a tidal wave of fluttering butterflies. Tears immediately spring to my eyes at the beauty and almost bottomless grief that our Alpha is portraying in his song. Reacting completely on instinct, my wolf also tilts her head back and joins his song. Her howl is absolutely gorgeous, sending goosebumps all over my skin. Soon, every single member of the Pack raises their voices and joins us in bidding farewell to two beloved pack members. The emotions that our continuous song conjures up inside of me is unlike anything I've ever experienced before. It's like I can feel every single pack member's pain and sorrow of this heartbreaking loss, but at the same time I can also feel their gratitude and love as if it were my own. They are honoring the memory of Nanna and Pop in a way that I will remember and cherish for the rest of my life.
• I have no idea how long we stand there and sing together, but after a while the song begins to die down and by the end there are only three voices left; Billy, my father and Carlisle. They sing together for a moment longer and a round of new tears rise to my eyes at their absolutely heartbreaking song. Then both Billy and my father stop, and Carlisle concludes the ceremony by releasing one final powerful, yet lonely, howl. Then everything is silent, as though we are all yet again waiting in suspense for a sign of some sort to show us what we should do next.