Chapter 183

• Seeing my father like this brings back a lot of painful memories from those first few weeks after my mother's death. I'm unable to think more about it though because he quickly reacts to the sound of my voice turning towards me. I can see his eyes light up when he sees me and as they trail over my simple black dress, a sad smile slowly spreads across his lips. His reaction sends a surge of relief through me and I smile. It's good to see evidence that this loss is different than when my mother died.
• "Hey, kiddo," he responds, using his regular term of endearment, as he reaches a hand out for me.
• Walking towards him, I see that he has made a halfhearted attempt at tying his tie and his clothes look rumpled. Ignoring that for a moment, I take his outstretched hand and sit down next to him, he immediately takes his other hand and places it over our joined ones, tightening his hold as though he's trying to tell me that everything will be alright. That this time, things are different. I appreciate his silent assurance and it feels as though someone has just removed a giant weight off of my shoulders. Subconsciously, I must have been worrying about my father's reaction to his parents' death more than I realized. Leaning my head against his shoulder as I've done so many times growing up, we both just sit silently for a moment, both of us looking out the large window and out onto the clear, blue skies.