Chapter 5

• The day of the birth
• Elizabeth's P.O.V
• My baby boy is beautiful. I don't know what the girl looks like because the adoption agency took her right after the nurses cleared her safe to leave the hospital. I didn't even get to meet her or see how she looked. It would have been nice to know which character traits she got from me and which she got from Arnold.
• Speaking of which, he couldn't be happier. He doesn't even seem to be bothered by the fact that his daughter had been taken away as he has been staring at our son for the past two hours.
• It luckily wasn't a hard birth and it didn't take as long as they sometimes show in the movies and series.
• Mom made no effort whatsoever to be in my life anymore, so I had to make the hard decision and start forgetting about her in the long run.
• Arnold left soon after, as he had a shift to cover at work and as I lay there in the hospital room looking over my baby boy I was starting to feel reality sink in that I have this little person depending on me and that he would be fully me and Arnold's responsibility. We would be the people to feed him and make sure that everything is as it should be and that he is kept as healthy as possible.
• I couldn't stop my thoughts from wandering and going to my baby girl. Will she have someone that will be able to do all that is needed and necessary for her to survive? Maybe I should have just started looking harder for a job for me as well, so I could have kept both my babies. Maybe just maybe I would have had...
• Ernie's cries brought me back from my thoughts.
• Maybe it's for the best that I try to minimize my thinking of her and just try and focus on what I have and taking care of Ernie.
• He is after all the one I chose so that he could, once he is old enough, get a decent job and help us to provide for the household so that we don't ever have to be in financial trouble again. I never want to have that feeling of helplessness and having nothing to eat in the house.
• As soon as Ernie goes to school, I will also try and get a job in the mornings to try and help with the load that currently rests alone on Arnold's shoulders.
• He still wants to give me a big and lavish wedding, even though I told him that it's not necessary, because who would we invite?
• His parents wrote him off when he left home searching for better work opportunities that their small little town couldn't offer him. They said he was abandoning them and that they would starve because he wouldn't be there to provide for the family in future. He did feel a lot guilty at first, but then he saw that his siblings and parents were just using him to provide for them while they did either the minimum amount of work or no work all together.
• He told me how he always had dreams of leaving the countryside and that he would find the perfect job, meet the perfect woman. How he dreamed that he would buy a home with a white picket fence and a yard where they could raise their children and have parties and weekend fun with friends.
• It's a pity dreams don't always come true the way you dream them. He has the women of his dreams as he calls me and his little one and that makes us a family. Unfortunately the white picket fence and the dream job are still missing from his dream.
• My mum wouldn't show to the wedding if she still felt the same about me as she did when she kicked me out. Or maybe she would attend and the only reason for her to attend would be to get free food and get as drunk as she possibly could without having to pay anything for the booze.
• We could just go and get married in court and save all the money we would have wasted in our savings that have run a little low.
• I don't need the big wedding, the perfect dress and shoes and hair and makeup and nails and flowers and and and...
• I'm happy as long as it's Arnold that is standing on the other side of me saying his vows. I don't have anyone other than Arnold and Ernie to share the day with anyway.
• Waking me up from my thoughts was Arnold, who had come to take me and Ernie home from the hospital. We had the room painted just after the decision was made to let the girl be adopted. It's the classic blue with black, grey and white details. His cot is a masterpiece by Arnold's own two hands that he built over weekends when he was home from work. All the other furniture and most of the baby items in the room came from either the second-hand stores or yard sales, the handouts the salvation gave and some people living in the same apartment building who were generous enough to gift their items to us.
• Arnold helped me put Ernie in the car seat and then helped me get into the front seat. He was so wonderful and helpful it made my eyes start to water.
• When we arrived home, Arnold took Ernie and my hospital bag and placed him in his cot as he was fast asleep. He then came and helped me get to the couch so I could sit down and rest. He was about to leave in the direction of the kitchen when I pulled on his arm to have him sit down next to me on the couch.
• All I needed now was a little loving from him, then I would feel better.