Chapter 27

• The nurse hands me a little specimen cup and points me towards the bathroom. Am I the only one who hates the instructions on how to get a “clean” urine sample? I’ve been wiping myself for forty years—do I need directions? It’s completely embarrassing to hand her the cup, still warm, and to think my entire future is contained in a batch of pee. Hobbling back to the bed, I lay back down to wait. I don’t feel pregnant. I craved Pringles when I was pregnant with both the boys, and I couldn’t get enough roast beef with Ava. Right now, the only thing I want is my pillow—and some dignity.
• Layla suddenly busts out laughing. It’s unlike her to laugh inappropriately. She turns her phone to me, where I see that Poppy is promising to dye half her hair blue and the other half pink in a show of solidarity if I’m pregnant. Poppy used some filters to show us what it would look like. She looks like a cross between the Joker and Harley Quinn. Psychotic is putting it mildly. Then she used the same filter on pictures of Layla and me.
• The nurse appears and says, “Let’s get you to x-ray.” I sit straight up. “Does that mean I’m not pregnant?” She flips a paper over. “Your test was negative.”