Chapter 8 Fears

• “Ma’am, the Alpha wants to see you…”
• “No! I don’t want to talk to him!” I yelled at the poor maid who flinched in front of me. I was breathing hard in anger, but guilt flashed in my eyes when I saw that she got scared.
• “I-I’m sorry, I yelled at you. I never wanted to. It must be my hormones,’ I apologized to her, and she just gave me a small smile, appreciating that I never meant to make her feel bad. “But I still do not want to see your master after what he did to me yesterday.”
• “Didn’t Alpha Caden tell you what happened, ma'am? ” The maid asked as she looked at my swollen eyes. She was surprised that I didn’t know about something that confused me.
• “What?” I frowned at her. “Why didn’t he show up yesterday?”
• ‘Oh, dear me…” she whispered with a worried look on her face. “It’s the Alpha of the Grimfur Pack, ma'am; if I am not mistaken that you are the missing daughter of the Sidney Clan, then your father’s life is in danger.”
• My eyes widened. “What?”
• I didn’t waste any seconds, and I immediately stormed inside Caden’s office. I let the maid lead the way as she ran in front of me, her face so pale, like she was so scared I might scratch her face off if she didn’t show me her master’s study.
• “Caden!” I yelled as soon as I got inside.
• He gave me a surprised look, and then to the maid. I wish I had asked her name to thank her before he dismissed her, but I guess I’ll just thank her later.
• “I have a feeling you already know,” Caden uttered calmly as he put his pen down and offered me to sit on the sofa with him. I didn’t oblige, though. I wanted him to know I was still mad at him. He couldn’t do anything but sigh, “There is nothing to worry about anymore. Your dad is safe.”
• “What happened?” I asked.
• If it was because I left the mansion, I would never forgive myself if something happened to Dad.
• And Greta will kill me.
• “Something happened during your dad’s visit to one of our business partners. He was attacked by a group that we suspect was one of our huge enemies on the western border. I just went to your home to make sure your dad was okay. And don’t worry. He is one of the most powerful Alphas I know, despite his age.”
• “So he is okay? He wasn't hurt or something?” I asked, although still worried sick, I was relieved that it was not something serious, “Why didn’t you call me yesterday?”
• “I’m sorry; I never wanted you to stress out about it. I handled everything, and your dad is fine. He didn’t know where you were still, but I promise you, I never told him. Because that was our deal.”
• Tears brimmed my eyes. I felt so bad that I had to hide away from my family for what happened to me, “Do you think they despise me for what I did? Do you think my mom hates me?”
• Caden’s eyes softened, and he sat on the sofa, pulling my chin towards him so he could gaze into my eyes. “Nobody hates you, Giselle. It’s all my fault. I put you in this kind of situation…”
• I didn’t know what to say to him, so I stood and wiped my tears. “I never want you to blame yourself for what happened to me, Caden. It was... It was an accident, and we both know we were not ourselves when we did that."
• Crying, I walked outside his study. It hurt me more that he didn’t even stop me or promise that everything would be okay. I didn’t know why I was starting to scare myself with the things I had no control over, but Caden was not telling me everything. And it hurts me that I was just someone who made his life complicated because of the feelings I failed to control that night.
• ***
• [FLASHBACK]
• Underneath the shadows, I could clearly see the pain in his eyes.
• He was sitting in the far corner of the hall, alone. His eyes were sharp, like he was ready to kill someone. Only it was Greta’s fiance, Tyler Miranda, whose smile was so wide while his hands were wrapped around my stupid sister’s waist. I was not enjoying the scene as well. I should be happy for my sister, but seeing Caden hurt like that was torture to me as well. I knew I should be celebrating that it wasn’t my first love who was there being engaged to my sister. But why do I feel so miserable seeing him like that?
• Maybe it was the fact that no matter what I did or said to him, I knew his feelings for my sister would never change. Especially when he had already rejected me after we both found out he was my fated mate—that same night he caught me eavesdropping outside Greta’s study.
• No one knew that we were mates. He never wanted Greta to know, or even my parents. It was devastating for me, of course. I almost died, but I swallowed the pain because I never wanted to push myself on a man who never wanted me. He was my doom. And I was just a pain in the *ss for him.
• Dad’s smile looked as if he needed to go to the bathroom, though. I could tell that night that he was unhappy as well because he expected that it would be Greta and Caden who would end up together. Well, maybe not just because Caden was a family friend but because it could make Dad expand his family business with Einsworth’s wealth. But mom seemed happy for Greta. Of course, she wanted happiness for her favorite daughter. They expect too much from her, while I am the sole disappointment in this family.
• I hated it every time someone compared me to her. The words, ‘Why don’t you be like your sister? She’s pretty, smart, and hardworking!’ as if I were not working hard to reach their enormous expectations of me. I grew tired of it. It only made me feel like I was the worst person in the world whenever I got failed grades because I used to love combat training more than being a productive student in business class.
• I wasn’t like any of them. I felt lost whenever we had family gatherings and they talked about statistics and ridiculous stuff about productivity and money. I wish they had just sent me to a military camp where I could channel all my anger into training. I didn’t care about skincare or anything. That’s Greta’s language, not mine.
• All I knew at that moment was Caden’s misery as he watched his true love be engaged to someone else. I wish I could throw a shoe at Greta’s head for hurting Caden. On the other hand, my wolf seemed relieved that it happened. I was rejected already, and yet my heart still longed for him.
• Why are you still here? Why don’t you go and run away and not torture yourself while seeing Greta happy in another man’s arms? That’s what I wanted to scream at Caden, but I had to suppress myself because I never wanted to make a scene. Everyone was happy celebrating the new couple except me and Caden.
• After the ceremony, Caden made a huge swig from the bottle of wine before he stood and congratulated my sister. He was clearly drunk, but I admired how well-composed he was, even in front of Greta and Tyler. He was even smiling at them.
• It felt as if my heart was being squeezed inside my chest by just watching him fake his pain.
• Then I watched him walk straight to the exit of the building.
• My mind and heart rioted inside me. I wanted to go after him. To ask him why he didn't stop Greta from saying yes to that dumb-looking Tyler. I hated that he rejected me for nothing! I could have just accepted it if he chose what his heart wanted, but he let her go, and now we are both miserable!
• I was upset. No. I was mad—so mad at him that I didn't realize I was already on my feet, following him to the parking area. I needed to tell him what I felt, no matter if it would hurt us both!
• He was so drunk that he couldn’t even open his car.
• “Caden?!” I asked, too worried that he might do something to himself, so I rushed to check if he was still okay or if he needed help.
• He couldn’t even hear me.