Chapter 4 Hate This Life

• The days that followed everything was the same , take kids to school , clean up the house as usual . I was fine with this but the nights were worse , l spent my time awake until all hours waiting for Mark . " Why did my life become like this " , Again awake , l inwardly asked myself while staring at the clock . It was already midnight but he was no where to be seen . Right they did say that life is a bitch and everyone needs to bear up with every situation but per now it was much . I didn't want this life anymore .
• I didn't want to be selfish but right now I wanted to leave , leave everything and start something new somewhere far away from this hellish life . " May be if I get help from Mark l won't be this fed up and tired " , With my eyes still on the clock , l uttered out . Right I felt guilty that he does work his ass off for us but the late night texting to his assistant was unbearable .
• Right texting his assistant wasn't harmless but they even chatted in the late night . Why would they need to talk about work at that time . Though watching him chat , l didn't say anything . I have bottled it up all these years . All his weird behavior was worth of stress that was pouring out . I was sure that the instant the glass will break , it will be a mess . I will be a total mess .
• With my eyes still at the clock , shook my head in disbelief . This was another night with no sleep . It read 2:45 am and as usual he lastly made his way home and laid down next to me with that perfume all over him . " Maybe sex will help us to solve this " , Silently hurt , a thought popped up in to my mind .
• With that thought I reached out and began to stroke his stomach while moving my hands on his stomach slowly down below the waist band of his boxers . " Get your hand off me , not tonight " , Before I could push my fingers in to his boxers , he snapped at me angrily . Without any reply l pulled my hand away from him then sadly turned over to the other side as the tears slided down my face .
• That was it another night of rejection but still I played it cool . " It's okay , he isn't in his moods even tonight " , With tears rolling down my cheeks , l inwardly murmured to myself . I was trying to comfort myself but honestly it was unbearable . I don't even remember the last time I had sex . With hurtful thoughts in my mind , tears kept streaming down my face , l didn't realize that l had fallen asleep until when Mark's alarm woke me up .
• As soon as it rang , l instantly opened up my eyes . As a mother with kids , l don't usually sleep for so long , l have to do my duties . Still laid down, Mark sat up first and looked at me maybe by accident . Seeing him , l gave him a small smile but he sadly didn't return it . " Have you made my breakfast or coffee yet , I don't have time to do it myself you know it " , He furiously said while staring at me .
• Hearing him say that , this sick feeling i'mmediately sank in my stomach . " No good morning , no how did you sleep honey " , he now changed in to a beast . He had a gloomy look on his face , it was as if l had said something that had annoyed him . " Am gonna prepare it asap " , I humbly retorted to him before l jumped out of the bed and walked towards the door .
• While heading towards the door , I decided to turn around to have a look on the man l did call my husband but sadly l saw him having his full attention on the phone . What made it worse he was smiling , looking happy at whatever he was reading on the phone . Seing him like that , l felt my heart shatter in a thousand piesces .
• He looked at me with disgust on his face but he had a smile while scrolling down on his phone . Though hurt , l kept my tears at a bay . I will not cry . I wasn't ready to let him see that he is making me sad . I reprimanded myself for a good time before I made my way out of the room . I walked all along the stairs with tears brimming in my eyes .
• I currently felt like the most unwanted person in the whole world . Firstly my mom doesn't love me , the man l also sleep with looks at me with disgust . Per now the only family l have is my little children and they are the reason why am bearing up with his situation . " Mummy we are hungry , you make our breakfast now " , As soon as I stepped in the living room , Chrissy i'mmediately whined .
• " Yes l know it sweetie , let me make it asap " , l smiled at her before I made my way in the kitchen . Starting the coffee machine quickly , l put Mark's favorite pod before l hurriedly put bacons and eggs on . After setting up everyone's breakfast down on the dining table including Mark , l started to pack up the kids lunch since l forgot to do it last night . " Mum aint you going to sit down and eat , you always busy " , Just as I was packing up their lunch , Chrissy broke up the silence . However before l could respond to her , Mark intervened in the conversation , digging the knife deeper in my chest .
• " Your mum isn't always busy , she doesn't do anything other than watching your monsters " , He blurted out and at that Chrissy and Ivan giggled as l swallowed down the hurt . Jessica didn't giggle but she instead glared at her dad with anger . I know it that she knew what l was passing through and l was sure that If any of them speak to me right now , tears would i'mmediately stream down my face .