Chapter 59 Leaving

• Amanda's POV
• Going back to Beta Matthew's room, I shut the door and sat on the bed. My eyes were clouded with tears as memories of what I did in the garden flooded my mind. I felt so disgusted with myself. How could I let him have sex with me, and why did I want it so much? Why did it feel like a goodbye? Why couldn’t I reject him and push him away when he touched me? At least now I have the right to push him and say no, but no, I didn’t do that. Instead, I loved it and wanted more.
• Frowning, I sniffed myself and realized I had his smell all over me. If Beta Matthew finds out about this, he won't be happy. So quickly, I undressed and went into the shower. Standing in the shower, I began to scrub my body, almost as if peeling it. I wanted everything about his touch and smell taken off from me.