Chapter 30 Saying Good Bye

• Ben linked me and told me that our friend wants to get together tonight at the dinner. This will be the last time all of us will be together for a while. They want to meet tonight at 8:30. Ben made sure to tell me that Seleste will be there and told me to be on my best behavior. I’m a little offended that he felt the need to warn me about my behavior. I know I did some dumb stuff over the last year, but Ben is my best friend. He of all people should know that I am sincere about wanting to be better and that I am taking all of this seriously. On the other hand, I have to admit that he has the right to be concerned. They all tried to warn me in the past and I didn’t listen. I was stubborn in my determination to do the wrong thing. I guess it will take time for them to believe in me again.
• I’m feeling I asked the strain and consequence of my actions emotionally. Right now, I just feel drained. I heard from Convel that he had been taking most of the pain from the rejection for me. Even though he was mad at me for doing what I did, he still helped me. I asked him to let me take some of the pain. He did not deserve to feel all of it on his own. I was the one who made the decision, so I needed to feel the pain. I did not realize how bad Convel was hurting and what he was going through while I was going forward with my plan. Just feeling a fraction of what he dealt with is almost putting me on my behind.
• I have about 3 hours before I meet my friends for our dinner. I think I will go to the clearing and just soak up the energy there. The area had gotten dull for a couple of days, but it is re-energized now. I think Seleste forgiving me and deciding to leave the blessings and protections of the moon goddess with our pack made the difference. I still can’t believe how badly I almost screwed up my pack. If not for my dad and Seleste, my pack would have fallen apart over something petty. The moon goddess showed me and my pack mercy. She knew I did not know what I was doing and I am so thankful that she saved me from myself.