Chapter 56 Nagging Thoughts

• Hannah’s POV
• It’s been a month since John decided that he was forever going to be a thorn in my flesh. It’s been a month since he banned his sister from coming to our house. It’s been a month since we uttered a word to each other at all. Even when we had company related issues to settle, we somehow just delegated the duties to other people or simply looked for a way around it without talking to each other. It’s been a month since he and Elizabeth stopped talking to each other and I wouldn’t blame her because it is absurd for your own brother to ban you from his house. Their mother have tried to intervene on a number of occasions, but neither of them are willing to reach a compromise. I wake up in the morning, go about my daily duties before leaving for the office, if I happen to bump into him at home, we just ignore each other. I don’t even cook anymore simply because I want to be out of the house as soon as I can. The instant I walk into the house after work, I head straight into my room and I do not come out at all. It really is a dead marriage. I still talk to Elizabeth. We talk over the phone, at the office, sometimes we meet up for lunch or dinner or we go shopping. She’s my friend and no man born of a woman can stop that friendship.
• But something has been nagging at me for a while now. Am I never going to become a mother?. Won’t I get to carry my own children?. Is this how silent this house is always going to be. Am I never going to hear the pitter patter of children’s voices and their squeals and laughter?. Am I never going to feel their warmth?. Would my parents not carry their grandchildren?. It’s not something we’ve discussed because we’ve been so fixated on raising the company out of shambles, but now that the company is starting to do well again, it’s still not as good as it was, but it’s better now, I am now getting the urge to have my own children. A mini me to call my own. But how am I even going to get that if John never even touches me. I muse. All these thoughts run through my head as I lay in bed at 2am in the morning. I have tried to fall asleep because I have a long day at work, but all to no avail. I am stuck with all these thoughts in my head and I have no way to let them out. Who am I going to tell that I want kids of my own and what advice are they going to give me seeing as the only person whose job it is to get me pregnant is not interested in that at all?. I roll over to the other side of the bed. Who am I going to tell that the man I married is not interested in breathing the same air as me, talk more of being intimate with me. As it stands, it is only Elizabeth that it aware of how shallow my marriage is with John. I sigh and sit up. I run a hand through my scattered hair and smack my lips. Maybe I should watch a rerun of Friends, that seems like the only way I’ll be able to fall asleep. But first, I should grab a glass of whiskey, nobody made a rule as to what time to drink. I shrug on my nightdress and padded down the stairs to the kitchen. On getting there, I open a cabinet to retrieve a glass cup, but I think better of it, I’m already drinking at 2am,what is the point of using a glass cup?. I walk over to the wine cellar and grab a bottle of whiskey. I walk back upstairs , grabbed my TV remote and put on an episode of Friends while occasionally taking a swig from the bottle.