Chapter 8 Haru

• After dropping Jess off in front of her apartment, which she rented with some other university students, Aiden and I headed toward home. The journey was silent, and God, it felt strangely uncomfortable with just the two of us in the car. While Jess was around, it had been lively, with her chatting nonstop about her awesome life as a university student, along with me. But once she was gone, the atmosphere became tense, and damn, I so badly wanted to break the ice. I also wanted to know what Aiden had said to Camille after I left them back at the restaurant, because when I returned to clear away the dishes, she was gone. Then again, I didn’t want to ask, because the thought of Camille pissed me off.
• “So,” Aiden began suddenly, breaking the silence and drawing my attention to him. “You said you’re in love? That’s the first time I’ve heard of it.”
• My heart skipped a beat, and I turned away, avoiding his sidelong glance. I felt my face heat up in the dimness of the car.
• I said, “It’s none of your business.”
• Yes, I was in love all right. Sickly so, with him.
• “Look, I know it’s none of my business, but...” He sighed. “You’re acting strange lately, Haru. You don’t confide in me anymore. I worry about you.”
• God, he was making it worse. How the hell was I supposed to confide in him? When the person I’m in love with was him? When it was forbidden? First, I didn’t even know if he would accept me for who I was if I were to tell him that I was gay. The doubt and uncertainty was already making me sick with anxiety. What if I were to confess to him that the person I loved was him, too? How would he react? Wouldn’t he just kick me out and never want to do anything with me again? If that was the result, then it was undoubtedly worse than death itself.
• Then again, I knew Aiden well. He wouldn’t do something like that. He was too kindhearted for his own good and loved and cared about us brothers a great deal. If I were to profess to him that I was gay, he’d just accept it simply because it was his obligation as the head of the family to support me as his younger stepsibling, even though deep down, he might find it disgusting.
• I said, “I know you worry about me, Aiden. But I’m an adult now. I don’t want you worrying about me. I can look after myself.” I turned to him then, my eyes intense on his profile. I changed the subject and asked, “Are you planning on going out with that woman?”
• He raised a brow as he glanced at me. “Who?”
• “Camille,” I said. “Are you planning on going out with her?”
• He chuckled. “What made you think I’d go out with her?”
• I licked my lips, suddenly nervous. “Because she acts like she owns you.”
• “I’m not interested in her, Haru,” he said bluntly.
• I felt relief sweep through me. “Good,” I said, nodding my head.
• Suddenly, I felt his hand tousling my hair, his thumb stroking my cheek. Fuck! Here we go again. I silently groaned deep inside, savoring the moment as he caressed me. My body became warm and weak against his gentle touches. Damn, but I wanted him to continue until we got home, at least. But alas, he removed his hand and rested it on the steering wheel. I tried my best to hide my disappointment by turning my attention to the scenery of the dark streets.
• “So, are you going to tell me who it is?”
• Still staring off unseeingly outside as the car sped by, I asked, “What are you talking about?”
• “The girl you’re in love with,” he said.
• I felt my heart aching as I asked, “You want to know?”
• He said firmly, “I want to know, Haru.”
• I guessed he saw this as another of his obligations, to keep tabs on me where dating was concerned.
• I sighed and then said, “What do you want to know about that person?”
• I noted his hands gripping the steering wheel. He said, “Is she pretty? How old she is? Stuff like that. If she’s underage, I won’t allow you to date her. Not until she’s old enough at least.”
• I chuckled with amusement. Underage? Yeah, right.
• I said, “Pretty? More like gorgeous.”
• “Gorgeous, eh? Wow!”
• I smiled. “Yep. So gorgeous that there’s a lot of competition.” I sighed. “Every day is a battle, and every day I’m scared I’ll lose that person to someone else.”
• “You haven’t confessed to her yet?”
• I shook my head. “I can’t. It’s impossible.”
• “So she is underage,” he said.
• I frowned. “No, that person is older than me.”
• We both were silent for a moment. Then he said, “I see. Why is it impossible to confess to her?”
• I said, my voice trembling, just a little, “It’s complicated.”
• Aiden suddenly pulled the car over and parked it on the side of the road. I stared at him, wondering what he was up to.
• He turned to me then and pulled me into his arms, which surprised me into speechlessness for a moment. Then I relaxed and, God, but he smelled wonderful. I took the opportunity and buried my face against his chest, basking in his tight hug and warmth.
• God, I love him. I love this man. I love Aiden. Why was it so difficult for me to tell him that?
• “I’m sorry, Haru,” he said, “that you have to go through something like that.” He moved a little so that his lips were near my ear. Then he said softly, the warmth of his breath fanning on my skin, making my insides squirm deliciously, “Are you really in love with her?”
• I shuddered, and my chest trembled with emotion in response to his question. I nodded as I said lowly, “I really love... Aiden. I don’t know what to do. It’s painful, this love. I wish it’d just go away, but every day it seems to be getting stronger and...” Suddenly, I whimpered. I had no idea why or how it started, but I whimpered like a freakin’ child.
• Aiden tightened his arms around me as he said, “I’m here to help you, Haru. I’m your brother, after all.” He chuckled lightly. “I’m sure it’ll work out.”
• I gripped the material of his shirt, my heart aching. “I doubt it,” I murmured under my breath. “That person doesn’t see me as a potential boyfriend. To that person, I’m just a useless brat.”
• Then, because I knew if we were to stay in that position much longer, I’d lose control of myself and probably go further, like kissing him, I hastily moved out of his arms, which I knew surprised him.
• “Sorry,” I said. “But we should get home. I’m tired.”
• “Yeah,” he said. “You’ve worked hard today.”
• About fifteen minutes later, we arrived home, and I exhaustedly headed toward my room. I said over my shoulder to Aiden, “Can I use the bathroom first?”
• “Mm-hmm,” he responded as he shut the front door.
• Noah came out of his room at that moment and said, “Okaeri.” As I walked past him, he chuckled. “You look horrible, Haru. Was it that bad at work?”
• I said, “It was super busy, and I’m about to collapse with exhaustion.”
• He tousled my hair, probably to tell me that I was a good boy for working hard.
• Before I shut the door to my room, I glimpsed the two brothers heading into the kitchen, probably to have some coffee, their nightly ritual. Soon, Reo would probably join them, and the three would chat until late into the night. Or should I say early in the morning? Since it was already well past midnight now.
• After gathering some clothes, I headed into the bathroom and shut the door. Then I rested my back against it and sighed in exhaustion. A moment later, I started brushing my teeth, and once that was done, I headed into the shower.
• The water was nice and cool, especially in this summer heat. As I stood there under the running shower, I thought about Aiden and the warm hug he had given me in the car. Was he even more worried about me now that I had finally revealed to him I had an unrequited love? The way he acted certainly indicated so. Should I be happy or sad about that?
• Fuck! I didn’t know and didn’t want to think about it further. More importantly, I desperately needed sleep because I could barely keep my eyes open.
• I hastily got out of the shower and grabbed for my clothes. It was only then I realized that instead of pajamas, it was a pair of jeans. I sighed. So, I had brought that with me into the bathroom and nothing else. No pajama pants. No T-shirt. No underwear. How stupid.
• Well, it can’t be helped. I was super tired, after all. My brain wasn’t working properly, that was for sure.
• After wrapping a towel around my waist, I headed out the door, my hair and body still wet. Obviously, I was too tired and lazy to dry myself properly.
• Across the hallway, I felt dehydrated and headed toward the kitchen for a drink of water. As I came close, I heard Aiden’s voice, along with Noah’s and Reo’s. I hadn’t a clue what they were talking about, but it sounded fun, because they were chuckling away with enthusiasm.
• Why can’t I be like that with Aiden? Just chill and not feel like my heart was about to burst every time I was near him?
• I entered the threshold of the kitchen-dining-sitting room and said “Hey” to everyone.
• With my eyes droopy and half asleep, I saw Aiden coughing loudly as if he was choking on his drink while Noah and Reo were smirking like they had a juicy secret to hide.
• Ignoring their gazes on me, I headed to the fridge, took out a jug of cool water, and poured myself a glass. I drank to my heart’s content. When I was just about finished, I glimpsed Aiden getting up from his seat and heading toward me.
• Shit! I quickly swallowed the last drop and was about to make my escape when Aiden appeared in front of me, blocking my exit.
• My heart raced, and my sleepiness disappeared immediately. I avoided looking at his face because I just knew I couldn’t handle that right now, especially when I was fucking naked with only a towel wrapped around my lower half, and especially when Aiden had his shirt unbuttoned halfway, his sleeves rolled up, and his hair in the after-a-long-hard-day’s mess. He looked way too rogue and handsome for my liking.
• He stroked my wet hair and said, “Dry your body and hair properly before going to sleep.”
• I stared at the bare chest revealed beneath his open shirt, feeling my throat going desert-dry like I had been dehydrated for a century. Not that I had been living for a century, of course, but that muscular chest of his was damned enticing. Fuck, I simply wanted to touch it and caress it and lick it and...
• I licked my lips. “Yeah, I know,” I said, flicking my gaze away. Shit! Why was my body feeling so hot suddenly?
• I took a step back as I put the empty glass on the countertop. Then I turned on my heel and headed toward the door. “Good night,” I said to the brothers.
• Aiden and Noah replied, “Good night.”
• Reo said loudly, “Make sure to dress properly when you sleep, Shrine Maiden.”
• I heard him chuckling merrily, and I retorted back loudly, “I know.”