Chapter 41
- ´´Sam, I'm sorry. I'm a jerk, I promised myself to stay as far away from you as possible, but I can't stay away any longer, I'm in a hole I can't get out of..." The nerve this letter gave me made me want to tear it up, my most coherent part told me to do so before finishing reading it, but I can't stop reading "I screwed up, big time. I know I told you that I need you and it's still true although you don't believe me, I still don't know how I can be away from you after all this time, I still don't know how I can hold back the urge to hug you and touch you. Every touch between us sent me to a place I'd never been before, you could say it's heaven, but I'm sure it's much better. I was never very demonstrative these years, I wanted everyone to fear me to avoid connecting with anyone, but unexpectedly I did it with you. I didn't want to feel, I thought feeling made a human being weak, but not feeling is the biggest weakness of all. These things I probably would never tell you in person, not because I didn't want to, or didn't take these words seriously. But because I couldn't tell you all this in the face after all the shit I made you go through, but despite all that, I still hope you forgive me, that you still love me, that right now, the moment you finish reading this letter you want to look for me... But I know you won't, I know you'll never come back to me, but is it wrong to keep trying? What else can I do? I'm a desperate man... I'll go back to university, not tomorrow, not next week but I'll go back, and I'll do everything I can to show you that I'm sorry and that I love you. I'll never be good enough for you, and I know that being step-siblings makes things twice as complicated but I don't care, eight years ago I didn't care and I still don't. Wait for me.´´
- Water droplets fell on the paper. My eyes were burning and I wanted to hit something. I crumpled up the paper and threw it far from me.
- I'm so tired of his games to get to me, doesn't he get tired of messing up my life? Why doesn't he leave me alone? Why does he have to keep doing this?