Chapter 16 Asher

• After tossing and turning, for goddess knows how many more hours after my recurring nightmare, I had given up all hope of sleep finding me again. Though in some ways I think sleep was something I dreaded because it brought that vision over and over. It meant I had to lose Isla again and again. The pain had been the worst pain I could ever imagine. I, like so many others, had heard of wolves losing their mate and the damage it could do to them, but never thought much of it. Though, I suppose, as a young and carefree boy, enjoying my life and having fun, why would you?
• But, at the age of seventeen, fate had decided that was what fate would be dealt to me. I was to discover exactly what the pain could be. Discover the agonizing sensation as agony rippled through my body as the matebond was torn from me. Experience exactly how torturous the loss would feel, and despite being surrounded by a pack, just how lonely you could feel when the one person destined to be by your side was no longer there. I had barely had a chance to develop a long-standing bond with my mate, but she was mine all the same. The connection was there, like it was with all fated mates. And losing her felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest and shredded into pieces.
• And now, near seven years on, I felt like I was still trying to piece it all together, and I still felt like there were pieces missing. Pieces of my heart are missing and pieces of me are missing. And these dreams... these visions, reliving it all meant I felt that pain... experienced it all... so often... too often... I could see how losing a mate could send a person to the brink of insanity. I think I may have verged upon that edge many times. I sometimes wonder if my own pack members question if I have already teetered over the edge. But, my focus in coping was my role as a Beta.