Chapter 5

• At least I couldn’t even see him. I’m not ready.. I’m not ready yet to read his notebook. I wasn’t there for him. I wasn’t there to share his pain. I wasn’t there to listen to his last words. What kind of a sister am I? I hate myself and not protecting Noah. Why? Now how am I supposed to live without him? He was my life. I did everything for him but he’s already gone. I just can’t go through this pain anymore. I lost my parents, Noah, and also my baby. Why am I just useless? Why don’t I just die? I can’t live with memories. Noah waited for the whole damn nine months but he lost every hope. I was late… I was just late. I wasn’t ready to let him go. I wasn’t.. I want him. He’s my only brother and the only family that I have…. It hurts and I can’t believe it. He’s gone….. He was waiting for me but I just couldn’t be there for him. Guilty is killing me… I want to die…. With those hurtful memories and thoughts, I fell asleep finally. 
• I woke up after a few hours and it’s already evening. I went into the bathroom and showered and changed into a set of black clothes. Then I went to the hospital. I saw my little brother laying in a coffin lifelessly. There are no words or actions in the world to describe the pain in my heart. I was just a useless sister for him. I saw the little kids that my brother used to play with crying and it broke my heart even more.
• After the funeral was done, I looked up at the dark sky which was about to rain. My brother’s untimely death is something that I will never be able to forget. I wanted to die so I slowly walked towards the sea. I wanted to kill myself and join with Noah but when I was about to jump I remembered something. My son. I will return the money to them and take him with me. With that, I went home and grabbed the money that they paid me and left the house. I went straight to the mansion that I lived in for nine months. As I entered through the gate I saw a car parked in and all doors were open. I went straight into the house and saw an old woman holding my baby. Suddenly, she looked at me and her eyes grew dark. 
• “What are you doing here?” She asked with an angry voice. 
• “I want my baby back. Here is your filthy money” I threw money at her because everything happened because of this woman. If she gave me money at that time my brother would still be alive. 
• “Oh my god, Julianna. Why did you come here?” Aunty Jade came towards us with a horror-filled face.
• “Old madam are you okay?” She asked. Ha.. I knew I guessed correctly. She’s the woman. Heartless witch. 
• “I came here to take my baby that I gave birth to,” I said coldly again. I could see the hatred in that old woman’s eyes but do I have to care? No.. I don’ give a fuck. Because of her, I lost my brother. 
• “Julianna, your brother’s death is not my problem” What? How did she know?
• “You knew? But yet you refused to give money that day. How can you become so heartless?” I shouted at her because I was lost and at the same time I was furious. 
• “People like you and your brother should die… Poor people make this country ugly” What? 
• “Give my baby back before I could destroy everything in here” I didn’t want to talk to that bitch. I hate her already. All I wanted was my baby back. How am I supposed to leave my baby with these people? They are lunatics..
• “Ha.. you know you remind me of someone I knew. She was also like you. So pretty, so intelligent. Stayed in this house and also acted the same way now you’re in and at that time she was also 20 years old.. Totally similar to you” This old hag is crazy….
• “But let me tell you a secret, Julianna. Her name is Tatiana and she lost her life because of love and because she failed to let go of someone that she doesn’t own and especially she didn’t listen to my words” Is she threatening me?
• “Are you threatening me?” What kind of woman is this? She was filled with hatred.
• “Maybe” She smirked at me.
• “I don’t care. Give my baby back” I looked at my baby who was peacefully sleeping but he was sleeping in a crazy woman’s arm. She will harm my baby too. 
• “Jade calls the guards and throws her out.” What? How could she? 
• “I SAID GIVE MY BABY BACK” I shouted at her as she looked at me with a shocked face. She looked at my face for a while and slowly shook her head. 
• “Leave” With that, she went into the house with my baby. I wanted to run after her but before I could do it, a strong arm grabbed me from my hand and dragged me out of the house. I struggled but I couldn’t. I saw aunty Jade was looking at me with tear-filled eyes. Why is she crying? 
• “She’ll pay for what she did,” I said to aunty Jade as she shook her head and went into the house. I was thrown out of the house. 
• I slowly stood up and looked at the house. I couldn’t help but cry because I lost both my baby and brother. I hate her. I hate that bastard too. He may be my baby’s father but he’s a bastard. It was all because he didn’t come. I turned around and walked through the path. It was already raining heavily and I didn’t feel any fear because I didn’t have the heart to feel fear because my heart was covered with pain and loneliness.  I was just crying, crying because I just lost more important things to me and why was my life so miserable? I walked slowly through the path and I was all wet and after some time I saw a luxury car coming through the road and soon it passed me and drove away. I couldn’t see the people inside of it because of those dark windows but why do I feel like there was someone important to me inside of that car? I turned around and looked at the car as it faded from my sight. I sighed and left.
• I came home and it was empty without Noah. He’s gone. I went to his room and took one of his hoodies as I took a deep breath. His scent is something I always liked. 
• “I love you” I said and kissed it. Then I walked into the bathroom and showered myself. I came out after I was done and changed into clothes. I again walked into Noah’s room and laid on his bed. I closed my eyes and when I was about to fall asleep I suddenly heard a sound. It came from the living room so I quickly got up from the bed and walked towards the living room and I screamed as I saw two masked men in my room. They saw me and came towards me. I turned around to run but they caught me. 
• “Don’t scream” They said while pointing a gun at me. I wasn’t scared because I didn’t have anything to lose. I have already lost everything. 
• “Leave here. We will give you two days. Leave here and don’t ever come back.” They are threatening me but why?
• “Why?” I asked slowly because I wanted to know and I knew these guys are not here to harm me. 
• “It's the young master’s order.” Young master? I laughed at myself. How did I forget that bastard? He should also be like that woman. 
• “Tell your young master I won’t leave and I’m not scared of him” I smirked at them as they pointed another gun at me.
• “Ha.. Really? Your brother had little friends right? We have already sent our men to keep eyes on them. They are going to die anyways so we will help them and make it soon” What? How could they even think about that kind of thing? 
• “How could you?... They are small kids” My tears came out as I spoke. 
• “They will stay safe if you leave here. If not, think that they are already dead” With that they just left my house. Did I sleep with a human or a monster? How could he be so heartless? I have no idea what he will do to my baby.. I just hate… Hate everyone. Heartless bastards. I have no choice and I can’t let those kids die because of me so I should just leave but where?. 
• I slept with a heartless beast and gave my virginity to that beast. I also gave birth to an innocent life for him. My poor boy. Please, God.. I beg you don’t make him like his father. That's what I could pray for. With all those thoughts I went into my room and packed everything and went to Noah's room. I took his clothes and his favorite things and packed them all. 
• After I was done. I picked my two luggages and wrote a letter to Aunty Elise and took it