Chapter 37 First Fight

• By the time I blinked, she was gone.
• My stomach was in coils. My gut wrecked. My heart in shreds. Her words echoed with such force yet still I couldn’t understand most of them. I did not dare stand up because I would fall and when Elio came, I don’t know what I said but I was glad when I couldn’t see him before me. I sat thinking I would vomit. My world span and stopped as I processed her words thoroughly. I analyzed everything she said and it was like a movie playing in my head. It was so clear, seeing my life unfold in my head the way she said it would. Every word she spoke was true. She had probably went through it and even thinking of what she went through shuttered me. To live that life, to go through that pain, it must have broken her apart. In my head I could see myself in bed, feet on sheets, waiting in the dark, waiting for Elio while he screwed someone else. Even the thought brought such an animalistic groan from me. I had never had such intense hunger for violence. I would burn him alive I swear. My hands ran through my hair with the room seeming hot, as if the walls were closing in on me.
• I slipped out of my chair, my eyes on the pond further down the estate. I walked to the kitchen door leading outside. The wind was cool and I was sure I would shiver soon. I slowly walked down, taking the scene all around me as I kept imagining how my life would actually be like with Elio in the way his mother explained. I kept going back to the scene where I sit in bed waiting for him knowing he would not show. I thought of how I would always make food for him and he would never show. I thought of being kidnapped again and this time he never showing in time. I thought of the fear that would always consume me when he would be away. I thought of the constant fear of wondering if he is safe, if he is okay.