Chapter 1 Letting Myself Go

• I had cheated on my husband.
• And this took place at an altitude of 30,000 feet.
• In the small washroom, my suit skirt was pulled up to my waist while one of my legs was lifted high. The man behind me kept thrusting again and again as I gritted my teeth not daring to make any sound.
• Perhaps this was the most fervent sex I had experienced in my entire life, but it was also the saddest way to let myself go.
• Just last night, I discovered that my beloved husband, Jiang Zhigang, had actually been cheating on me. Not only that, the other party was actually… a man!
• After watching the videos in my mailbox of the two of them having sex on the bed, I had crazily smashed everything at home.
• No wonder Jiang Zhigang rarely touched me in these two years after we got married. He would either reject me using the reason that he was too busy with work, or too tired with no energy left. It turned out that the reason was because he… was simply gay!
• I cried my heart out after smashing everything in the house.
• I did not want to understand why there was homosexual love in human sexuality. I only wanted to know why Jiang Zhigang lied to me, making me look like a fool as I weaved my dream of being a happy little woman.
• The more I thought about it, the more I felt chills running down my spine. I felt so disgusted that I wanted to throw up when I remembered how he whispered sweet nothings while touching me using the hands he touched some other man.
• Fumed by my rage, I went on the Internet to read a lot about homosexuality and only to discover that there were many women like me who had been deceived. They called such marriages a lavender marriage, which was also a marriage of convenience.
• So what was I, a convenient wife?
• Did this mean that the reason why Jiang Zhigang would always come up with various excuses to brush me off except for the first night of our wedding when he forced himself to make love to me was he wanted to stay loyal to his gay partner?
• The blow was too great. It caused me to stare in the chaotic room for a long time before I finally called him up telling him that I wanted a divorce.
• He was stunned for a while on the phone. Perhaps he found it to be too sudden. With a hasty tone, he asked me what happened and whether he had done something wrong?
• I told him he did nothing wrong. The person who was wrong was me, for being blind to the fact that my husband actually loved a man. On top of that, he was actually the bottom in the relationship!
• I believed my words must have taken him by shock. Otherwise, he who was usually soft-spoken would not have raised his tone eight notes higher shouting and asking who was the one spreading this nonsense. He said he would never do so.
• If there had been no videos to prove it, I would have also thought that it was just a rumored nonsense. After all, we had been lovers for three years before our two-year marriage.
• After spending five years together, how could I possibly believe that he, who was gentle and extremely cheery, would actually turn out to be gay?
• I cried so hard that I could not even speak. Jiang Zhigang became anxious right away. He told me he would come back immediately and asked me to stop thinking about it. He said somebody must have deliberately messed with him and told me to never believe it.
• I also hoped that this was just a prank. After all, those videos had completely messed my mind up.
• The coy smiles on Jiang Zhigang’s lips made him look even more enchanting than a woman. That man pressed down on him, riding him while drawing sounds of moan from him that pierced right directly at my nerves.
• I sat for two hours in the same position with my phone in my hand. He told me he would come back immediately but he never showed up at all. I smiled miserably and moved my stiff body before proceeding to stand up.
• I was not from this city. I merely moved here to live with my husband after I got married. Because of this, I would have to wade through mountains and rivers even if I felt wronged and needed to cry in the warmth of my family.
• After packing a few simple clothes, I carried my suitcase and walked out of this home that I had built with all my heart. I headed straight to the airport to buy an air ticket of the next morning and went to a hotel to get a rest.
• I received no news from Jiang Zhigang the entire night. With no other choice, I was faced with the fact that my husband was indeed gay.
• I did not know how I actually managed to make it up to the plane. I only knew that my mind was clouded and heavy. Only when I no longer could hold back the tears that were threatening to fall that I finally rushed into the washroom to cry out to my heart’s content.
• Images from how I met Jiang Zhigang, how we finally fell in love, to how we finally got married flashed through my minds. We were once so happy but there was nothing but despair now.
• As I recalled how he would always return home in the early hours saying that he was busy with works, or how he would always have to go on business trips just after receiving a phone call, I could not help but associate them all with the videos of how he was being pushed down.
• However, I, the idiot, had never once doubted him before. I even thought that the reason he was not interested was because I was too conservative and too rigid on bed. I even went to buy sexy lingeries, and some sex toys, just to try to please him.
• I was basically an idiot. Jiang Zhigang had been fooling me since the very beginning but I had been living for two years as a widow whose husband was still alive. Why?
• Because of this anger, when a series of knocking sound reverberating from the outside asking if I was okay, I abruptly pulled open the washroom door and pulled the man whose face I did not even see clearly into the washroom with me. On the spot, I directly asked him whether he wanted to have sex with me.
• The man was obviously stunned. However, he soon hugged me and slid his hand into my open collar. He immediately lifted my skirt and pushed me onto the sink with force.
• That was how it became like this…
• Jiang Zhigang was my first man but he rarely made love to me. Because of this, I was still quite inexperienced in sex.
• This man was obviously experienced. Each of his movement and each of his kiss could easily awaken the desire deep in my heart, making me falling completely under him.
• My revenge changed to become enjoyment. I must admit, my body was more honest than my heart. I actually had my first orgasm in that small space…
• He, on the other hand, leaned down and whispered in my ear, “So, you’re actually such an intriguing woman in private, huh?”
• Chills ran down my spine. Could it be that this man actually knew me?