Chapter 9

• A few days had passed, and I was still three months pregnant. Absolutely nothing had changed and I still felt like crap.
• After finishing up my week behind the bar it was finally weekend and somehow I managed to call in sick. Telling Christian was out of the question, and so was Lucio. He was surprised to see me in the kitchen but luckily didn’t payed much attention to it. After all, it where he wanted me all along.
• I knew I already wasted my cards, so if I were to go to the club tonight I most likely had to start dancing again. I couldn’t do that, not with a baby in my belly.
• After I had looked up several job applications, I had quickly found out that no one was waiting on a college drop out. 
• My hands grasped the abortion clinic booklet and I held it tightly. Why did it had to be this difficult? 
• The most logical solution would’ve been to go with my original plan and to abort the baby as soon as possible. 
• Yes, I wanted something of my own but I also wanted to give my child the life it deserved. Adoption was out of question because I knew myself very well, I got too attached way too quickly and would never be able to give up my child. Although keeping the baby was something I did not have the heart for even if I wanted to.
• I looked down at the contact number at the back of the booklet and typed the number on my phone. Realization hit me when someone had actually picked up. I expected getting an abortion was a one second job, but it clearly wasn’t.
• I did not prepare myself for all the questions which followed, including the question of why I wanted the abortion in the first place, but what was I even thinking?
• My answers weren’t strong enough, and anyone could hear the doubt in my voice, so the nurse scheduled an appointment for the next day so we could discuss it more.
• The word ‘discuss’ scared me. I did not want to discuss anything because I knew that the longer I waited, the faster I’d regret my decision. It was not that I didn’t want to become a parent, because I did, but what was the point of being pregnant when you could not even enjoy your pregnancy?
• To make matters worse, the internet was my best friend, so I looked up the abortion process and even watched some videos as if reading about it wasn’t painful enough. 
• Just the thought of it made me run to the bathroom as I threw up for what would’ve been the fourth time today. 
• Rather than it being morning sickness, it was more-so a combination of nerves and disgust. I just wanted this to vanish so I could move on with my life and learn from this horrible experience.
• On the bright side of things, I wouldn’t be getting too much questions, because Faith and Luna were the only friends I had. See, being a loner did have its advantages. 
• ‘Won’t be coming to work tonight, nothing big just a cold.’ I send into the group chat consisting out of Luna, Faith, and I.
• They were my best friends and usually, you were supposed to confide in your friends, but telling them I got pregnant by our boss, just sounded wrong no matter how you looked at it. 
• I heard a knock on my door and almost jumped up from the couch. Who could it even be? 
• “Who’s there?” I called out. I only had the courage to do that, because I didn’t expect anyone, but I was wrong. “It’s me, Lucio!” A voice called back. 
• Shit, why would he come here now?
• “Just a second!” I yelled back and ran around the house to clean up whatever I could. My first instinct was to hide the abortion booklet, turn on the tv, and to throw a blanket on the sofa to make it seem like I was actually doing something.
• After a speedy round of cleaning most of my trash, I walked to the door and opened it. “You called in sick.” Lucio spoke while he invited himself in and looked around the house.
• He had two bags in his hands, which made me worry because it seemed like he wasn’t leaving anytime soon. “I actually heard you were sick the entire week and I got worried,” Lucio spoke and threw the plastic bags onto the kitchen counter. 
• Even though he was my boss, Lucio coming over was not a surprise because he had done it before and in the six months I had known him he became a father figure to me. Unfortunately this time the timing was not that great, considering I felt sick because of his grandchild who I was carrying.
• “You look terrible, I told my sons to take care of you and they have you out here looking like some grim reaper, but no worries, I have the best soup recipe for fevers!” He spoke as he pointed towards the bags.
• Grim reaper?
• Lucio had always tried to be nice, but having the wrong choice of words was unfortunately something which ran in the Lamberti family, a curse that hadn’t pass Lucio and especially not his sons. 
• I made my way to the sofa and covered myself under the blankets. Lucio was just like his son, he was a man of orders, so telling him it was okay for him to leave would not only be extremely disrespectful but also a waste of my breath. “Fine, do whatever you want,” I spoke.
• Shortly after, Lucio was already busy with cutting up the ingredients and asked me question after question. How did I get sick, when did I get sick, if I had already been to the doctor. 
• “It’s just a fever, it’ll be over soon,” I reassured him, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I found it quite funny how my brains worked. One of the reasons why I didn’t want to bring the baby into this world was because I was scared of Christian and the business he was in, but yet I had the actual boss, the big boss, cooking in my kitchen—but Lucio was different.
• I wasn’t completely stupid and knew of his reputation but I had no reason to fear him, if anything I admired him. So why was I so afraid of Christian?
• “Come join me, we have to talk,” Lucio spoke. I was afraid for this ‘talk’ but he had cooked an entire meal for me, so listening to his request was the least I could do. I wrapped the blanket around my body and made my way to the kitchen before I sat on the opposite side of him.
• “Here you go, eat it all.” He spoke while he placed a bowl of soup in front of me.
• I didn’t know whether it was the pregnancy or the fact that I couldn’t even boil an egg, and spend my evenings ordering take-out, but I wasted no time and ate the soup as if my life depended on it.
• Lucio had a proud father-like smile on his face and quietly observed me while I was eating, and I couldn’t help but wonder. “Do you treat all the girls like this?” 
• Lucio let out an offended chuckle and shook his head. “I don’t even treat my own daughters like this, so I would appreciate it if you told me what’s going on.”
• I was unsure of where to start and shrugged my shoulders.
• “Serena, I know you won’t accept a million-dollar check even if I gave you one, but I’m begging you to stop what you’re doing because look at you, child.” Lucio suddenly spoke. “I’ll find you another job, I’ll take care of you as one of my own, but you have to stop this.”
• I almost dropped my spoon and lowered my head. Bad would’ve been an understatement for how I felt about my actions. Lucio was aware of my life and knew I had no parents, so that was most likely the reason why he paid the most attention to me, which was not that much of a surprise. He must’ve thought I was exhausted while that wasn’t the only case. I did not need anyone to take care of me, I had always been on my own and even though I sometimes got jealous whenever I saw others with their families, I was completely fine on my own. I didn’t need anyone’s pity.
• “I appreciate you, I respect you a lot...but I don’t need your help,” I told him, on the verge of tears. At times it sounded so tempting to just accept his offer and let him write me a check but I couldn’t. I wasn’t that type of person and I didn’t want to be.
• The business the Lamberti’s ran had always remained in the back of my head and one way or another I did not want to get involved even if it was as much as accepting a check. 
• “Serena...” Lucio pleased with a guilty look on his face. “Serena, I’m so sorry for everything you’ve gone through.”
• He didn’t even know half of it.
• I felt my eyes get watery and knew I was about to break down any second. Crying was not something foreign to me and I was not ashamed to say that I cried at least four times a week, whether it was over a movie, or bruising my finger, but this pregnancy only made it worse.
• “Serena, is there any other reason why you’re so exhausted? Please tell me, you can tell me anything.” Lucio tried again, but this time I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore and broke down crying. Lucio had been the only one noticing how emotionally exhausted I was and it did something to me. Even my friends hadn’t noticed.
• I felt the need to tell him truth because he deserved it, but there was no point in telling him the truth if the issue at hand would’ve been dealt with as soon as possible.
• Lucio noticed the tears which fell down my cheek and walked over to me. “I don’t like seeing you like this,” He spoke as he wrapped his arms around me. I felt warm and safe in his embrace as if nothing bad could happen, but it already did.
• At times like these, I would randomly think about my parents and about how much easier life would be if they never gave me up. If that was the case, it wouldn’t have been Lucio but my birth father.
• “It’s okay, cry all you want, it seems like you’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.” Lucio comforted me, and that was all it took for me to let it all out. I cried because I was upset, I cried because I felt guilty and I cried because I did not know what to do.
• It felt as if I was stuck no matter what I thought and I didn’t know how to deal with it. If I kept the baby I would’ve been jobless because there was no way I could continue working at the club, and if I were to have an abortion I would’ve probably still be jobless because besides it taking a toll on my body, someone like me would probably also have to deal with the recovery time and lots of regrets.
• All of this because of one thing which could’ve easily been prevented. Many always said their child was a blessing, but it wasn’t one for me.
• I wanted it to be a blessing and I wanted to be a mom and take care of my baby, I wanted to have the perfect little family I had always dreamed of when I was younger and I wanted to tell Christian.
• If I had the opportunity to make this work I would’ve.